Desolate Love

*

Suki’s P. O. V…

“Mum.” I said, happily as the doctor had finally let me in her room. “You’re awake!” I said drifting slowly and peacefully round her bed to the grey seat that I was now so used to sitting in, though I noticed that she had her beautiful blue eyes staring at me the whole time.

Yup that’s where I get my eyes from. Well, maybe, I haven’t had a chance to ask mum about that. I am certainly not about to bring it up now though. This moment is about her.

“Your father did what?” My mother drilled at me.

Okay. So maybe she remembered what I told her, damn it! There was just so much that I never told anyone and now that I have I feel like I wish I hadn’t. She wouldn’t listen to me before just maybe she would listen to me now.

Well she hasn’t exactly noticed my uniform has she?

“He’s not my father and what?”

“Oh, fuck, he told you.” Mum said surprising me.

“He told me what?” (Yes I am surprisingly dumb!)

“That you’re not his daughter.” She said calmly looking at me.

“Am I yours?” I asked out of the blue I hadn’t really thought about what I was saying.

“What makes you think your not?”

“I don’t know, the fact that I can never talk to you. You seem to leave everything up to me. Even if I did talk to you how would I know that you would actually give me an answer, I don’t. One thing is, do I really need you, that’s why I doubt whether you’re my mother. I never know whether I’m protecting you or your protecting me. At the moment I don’t mind helping you by looking after Tom and Sophie but after that mum. You and I are through. I just feel like I can’t talk to you.”

“You don’t mean that. I have helped you through loads of things, Bullying, your dad, and home work. You can’t possibly mean that I haven’t helped you?”

“Yes I can. Bullying let me see… Oh yeah, I’m still being bullied. Dad… Let me see… Oh yeah he raped me. Homework… I guess you helped me sometimes but I have course work now and you never ask me whether I’m ok. Can’t you even try to be a normal mother?”

“I would be if you talked to me, told me these things.” Mum said, I saw the hurt in her eyes but I just couldn’t for give her…

“You haven’t been there for me or Tom or Sophie. You haven’t given us good birthday’s, a dad that’s caring. You’ve made our lives hell to live. You weren’t even about to help me when I started my period. That’s why I feel like I can’t talk to you… Because your never there to talk to.”

“I have been in hospital for a few weeks.” Mum sobbed trying to keep the tears back but they kept coming.

“That doesn’t account to all the years that have gone past where in the mornings you have done nothing, said nothing to us and made us feel unwanted.” I calmed down. “I don’t want to see you cry mum.” I said getting up.

“I’m just a horrible mother. I can’t do anything right. Maybe I should just die is that what you want?” Mum asked me.

“I never said that.” I answered. “I never said that. Just because I don’t need you doesn’t mean that some one else doesn’t. Tom needs you more than me as dad has been beating him again with a belt. Oh and Dad went off with a blonde bimbo.” I added on the end.

“I know, you told me.” Mum’s voice was shaking badly.

“You thought you’d be able to recover faster than him, didn’t you?” I asked her.

Yes I know I am being harsh but she is never here for us and always expects me to do her work for her. I mean I have a job to pay of the bills that she’s costing us. I am looking after Tom and Sophie just like she should be and yet she isn’t. She may be in hospital but I’ve been doing these things for years. There is only one thing that I feel sorry for her about… That’s dad. He’s a jerk though and in my opinion I would have dumped him years ago. Though I think she deserves some of the pain she feels for being a bad mother.

Don’t get me wrong I do love her but I feel that she doesn’t know what its like to feel real pain where you can’t escape the humiliation or the consequence’s, I think she’s been running too long and needs to stop.

“I may have thought that but I was obviously wrong wasn’t I?” Mum spluttered. Her rosy cheeks that she had had a minute ago had turned a shocking white. She looked like she’d seen a ghost or something.

“Yes you were wrong but one way to get over it and move on is to admit it, forgive and forget him.” I answered.

“I don’t deserve a daughter like you Suki?” She told me. “You’re too good for me. So who’s this boy you like?” Mum seemed to brighten up though she was wiping the tears away every other second.

That’s my typical mum for you she’s in hospital just been in a coma and she wants to know about my love life.

“So this means I am yours then?”

“Yes your mine but you’re not his.” She answered.

I went up to her and told her to rest as she needed it. I also told her that I’d talk to her later about the other things going on in my head. I don’t really want to tell her but it seems like I have no choice as does everything else round here.

I went over to the doctor and asked him when she would be coming out and how much the bill would be… He told me that if she continues getting better she’d be allowed out in two weeks. As for the money it was going up to two thousand pounds.

Jesus! I won’t be able to pay that off for a good three weeks I hope they don’t need it all in one go. Mum still hasn’t noticed my uniform maybe she’s just a little slow today…

I’ll give her a break.

*

David’s, P. O. V.

I walked up to a girl that had short brown hair and said her name.

“Suki,”

She turned round and looked at me by the expression she was giving me this was not the best time to ask her questions. Though her look changed, I think that’s because I’m David... The most popular guy in school which right now I wish I wasn’t… Oh Suki please let me find you…

Jesus, I meet this one girl on Habbo hotel and the next thing I know it, I’m head over my heels in love with her. It just can’t happen. I thought I was happy with Nicole but since my e-mails with Suki, everything I have seen Nicole do has been harsh and not friendly. You know what that means? I’m in love and I wish I wasn’t. I’m doing something insane here. I’m going round a gigantic school looking for a girl that might actually not even go to this school In the first place. God… I need to calm down.

The girl that I had spoken to a few minutes ago whose name was also Suki, definitely wasn’t the one I talked to, she didn’t know what I was talking about when I mentioned Habbo hotel. So far no luck!

When I walked away from that girl I felt like the most complete and utter twat, as you can tell I was embarrassed.

Then I saw that guy, what’s his name, the one that interrupted me and "Suki" kissing. That’s it, I can ask him where she is!

"Hey." I said to him. "Where's Suki?"

The median height kid looked at me.

“You’re the person that Emails her aren’t you?” He said looking directly at me.

Does that mean I’ve found her?
Is this truly her?

“You mean to say that you know Suki the person who’s been e-mailing me?”

“Who else would I be talking about? David.” He said in a sarcastic tone. I knew immediately that he didn’t like me.

“What have you got against me?” I asked him, I was still desperately trying to remember his name but it wasn’t working.

“You don’t get it I don’t want to see her get hurt.” He said. Then I noticed the light in his eyes, something that I’d only ever seen in my eyes once that was the day that I realised I’d be meeting Suki. It was love, but he can’t love Suki he’s her best mate!

“But I won’t hurt her. How is she? Is she ok? Her dad hasn’t hurt her has he?”

The boy in front of me, stared at me his expression changed, I don’t know whether that has something to do with the concern in my voice but he changed, seemed to relax.

“She’s alright. Her dads moved out, she has a job to pay for the hospital bills and I’m doing my best to keep her focused.”

“Thanks. Your names Tom, Tyler…”

“Tucker, My names Tucker.” He then sounded pissed off with me.

“David. I want you to stay well away from her. She’s been acting strange for a while now. I think you need to give her a break.”

“Tucker, where is she? I am going to talk to her, I just want to see if she’s okay. Wouldn’t you if you were in my shoes… I know you care for her.”

“Yes. Now leave.”

“But where is she?”

“I don’t want you talking to her. I just have one question. Why does she tell you everything and then me nothing?”

“Because she knows that you’re going to worry about her as you’re her friend. So she told me, a total stranger, I just so happened to reply.”

“Thank you for telling me. Now bog off!” They’re was panic in his voice. I turned round to see Suki and Abi walking towards me…

What am I going to say? I’ve finally found her the girl of my dreams.

“David leave.” Tucker hissed.

“No. Suki,” I called to her.

She stared at me absolutely gob smacked. I finally knew her name.

“David, I said leave.” Tucker wasn’t saying it calmly now but angrily like he was going to have to do something if I didn’t go.

“I said no. Tucker.” I replied watching Suki walk up to me.

“Hello David.” She said in a soft little voice.

“So you’re the person that I e-mail then.”

“Yes, I’ve known that since the day I saw you in the woods.” She answered, her bag with all her favourite bands on swinging by her side.

“So the reason you don’t want to e-mail me is..”

“David, you are the most popular guy in school, you have a girlfriend and you… You really annoy me. Go away. David just leave.”

“You heard her leave David.” Tucker said standing in front of her.

I looked at her and then at the floor. She didn’t want to talk to me. She didn’t want to know me. She hates me. I looked one last time into her beautiful blue eyes before walking away from the willow tree and everyone who hangs around her.

I knew then that I had to change. I wanted to change for her but how could I change? You don’t just go from a popular guy in school to being the least talked to person ever. I have an idea to get her to talk to me but it will take some time to put into action and will she go for it. I don’t know. I just want to show her I love her.

I walk off into the school to my tutor room waiting and dreading for the bell to go and for after school to come.

*

Suki’s P.O.V.

So it’s been three days since I last saw my mum and today felt like an ordinary day until lunch-time. Abi and I were walking to the willow tree from the canteen and we saw David Tennant talking to Tucker with his back to us.

My heart was in my mouth. Even his hair was gorgeous… fuck off crush… I seriously never asked to be given a crush on him but that’s the way life goes, right. Well when he turned around he looked like an angel and I wanted him… God my hormones… Weird huh, one moment I’m normal and then I’m talking about drooling over the most hottest guy in school… *Slaps myself* (not literally) snap out of it Suki. Stay focused! Be civilised. God he has a nice arse. That’s it I’ve turned into a rampaging teenager that just thinks about boys… God please help me… Please!

I walked over and was stunned like fuck when he said my name. Everything about him leaves me speechless. Especially the look on his face when I told him to leave, I so wish I hadn’t told him to go but he doesn’t belong with my friends or me but with bitch-face.

How does he know who I am?
Will he start e-mailing me again?
Will I ever stop loving him?

He walked away. But the last time he looked into my eyes I saw it, that light almost like god was calling me… Shut up imagination… This is what happens when you let your hormones spiral out of control!

I knew Today that mum was coming home and that Sophie wanted to talk to me about something but my world was In the clouds and I enjoyed the excitement I felt knowing that tomorrow was a brighter day…