Desolate Love

*

I opened the front door to my house with my key to find the whole place a mess. There was a very distinguishing line of dust forming on everything and yet my mum was sitting on the old sofa watching T.V like a ghost.

“Hey mum.” I went in the room and sat down beside her. I looked at her worn face and red eyes, she had obviously been crying and was tired. I received no reply to my greeting only a feeble nod which made me worried. “What’s happened? Why are you so up-set?” Mum kept her eyes on the T.V but replied in an unusual tone….

“Leave it for now Suki.” She paused. “I’ll tell you when I’m strong enough.”

I let mum sit there and went to make dinner as I knew that Sophie, Tom and I would be hungry in five minutes. So I put on some soup and made some bread and butter, before I laid the table and noticed a little girl with her head round the kitchen door looking at me like she had been starved to death.

“Alright dinner is going to be in two minutes. Sophie, will you fill the glasses up with water and put them on the table?” So Sophie put the water on the table for me and then she sat at the table. “Why are you so quiet?”

“Mum’s up-set about Dad.” She went quiet and then must have realized that I wanted to know what was on her mind. “It’s sad looking at her. She looks ill.”

“I know. Is she still up-set that Dad went off with a blonde Bimbo?”

“Didn’t you hear them shouting this morning, Suki, Dad’s getting married.”

I almost dropped the saucepan I was holding but I continued dishing up until there was no more in the bowl.

“Thanks for telling me.” I went into the hall and called Tom down for dinner, he came slowly but slouching, down the stairs.

“I can’t do it!” He said frustrated.

“Can’t do what?”

“My math’s homework it’s too hard.”

“I’ll help you after dinner run along.” I wandered into the living room.

“Mum. I’ve made you some dinner. I’ll bring it in on a tray if you want?” I received no reply so I took it to mean, yes. “Look, I know it’s been hard to except that dad actually found someone but be happy for him and go and find your self someone.” I stormed out the room to reappear five minutes later with a tray with her dinner on it and then left her to it. I went and ate my dinner with Sophie and Tom at the table; afterwards I did other things before going to bed.

*

As I walked my way to school with Abi beside me, the next morning, I told her what had happened the night before. Then to my surprise she told me that she had managed to get her brother to tell her why he liked me. Now I had by this point forgotten the fact that I’d said that she would have to get this information for me. So when she told me it came as quite a shock that she had actually got what we wanted to know.

“He said he liked you because-”

“Whoa. Whoa, start from when I left your house so that I know what happened.”

“Alright then,” She paused and started at the beginning for me. “So I shut the door behind you then went and tidied my room. Did the usual stuff as you do. Afterwards I went and knocked on Oli’s door. He opened it and asked me what I wanted. I told him that I wanted to know why he had acted strangely round you. He said he didn’t know what I was on about. So I gave him an example and so he pulled me into his room and let me sit on his bed.” She didn’t seem to be pausing for breath and that seemed to be worrying me but I was most intrigued by what they must have talked about that when she stopped a second I rushed her to continue.

“So what happened?”

“We talked.” She said simply making the whole of my insides turn to mush at the thought of what she was keeping from me. She doesn’t half know the secret of keeping someone on edge. I know I shouldn’t be but it’s almost like someone you know who you think is fit likes you. It’s a very longing feeling for the truth, though you probably have no clue what I am on about and so I should shut up.

“About what,” Come on, come on. I can’t wait all day I need answers.

“If I tell you, don’t tell anyone otherwise Oli will kill me. Okay. Promise me.”

“He won’t kill you I won’t let him. I promise. Tell me.” I could have run the marathon with the amount of adrenalin pumping round my body. I just wanted the answers and Abi seemed content in killing me slowly.

“So I sat on the bed and he laid down next to me. I asked him why he had acted differently, he replied he hadn’t meant to. He said it was how he acted whilst he was flirting. I said, so you like Suki then? Yes. She’s a great person to hang out with. He replied but I wasn’t taking that for an answer and so I pestered him until he said : Okay I think she’s fit now will you leave me alone in peace? So I did I left him there though im guessing he was thinking of you.”

“Okay. That’s sweet and weird thanks for telling me.”

“No problem. It was a deal remember?”

“Yes.” I knew I didn’t sound convincing but I had forgotten so I didn’t think there was any point in sounding like I had actually meant it. Abi didn’t seem like she minded anyway.

As we got closer to the school gates I noticed that Nicole was no where to be seen which was odd seeing as she always felt happy being horrible to the ‘freaks’ as she called us. So when break came later I was out in Tucker and my hide out, over in the quiet section of the playground where I heard two different people speaking, they turned out to be David and Nicole.

“Leave me alone David.” Nicole said crying.

“Why what’s wrong? Have I done something?” His anxiousness was shown in his voice. He truly felt like he had done something to up-set her but then why should he bother with her. She should sort her own mess out.

“It’s not you. It’s… It’s my mum’s new boyfriend.”

“What’s he done?” David asked, we both seemed to know that he was stepping into deep waters with this subject.

“Leave me be. David.” She said still sobbing.

“Until you tell me I won’t let it drop.”

“You won’t tell anyone then?” She was still crying, I could see by now and I was watching them. No-one else was in this part of the play-ground which seemed odd to me.

When I took a good look at Nicole I noticed that she looked a mess. Her hair that was always immaculate was looking like a bird’s nest her make-up was running all over the place. Her clothes were creased and out of place, if you looked at her now you could have thought she was a beggar or a person living off the streets. Though I knew the truth she was for the first time letting her self go in the school premises. That meant she was unstable emotionally.

“Well of course I won’t.” He answered.

“Well… He… He knocked me…Up.” She said gently.

“You mean you’re…”

“Yes.”

“…Umm…”

The two of them were stuck for words. Even I was. I was glad when David gave Nicole a hug. I may not like her but no-one needs the hassle of going through that when they are fifteen.

Suddenly something clicked in my brain and I gasped. If what I thought was true then god was he in trouble.

I walked out of the bushes and into full view of the two of them. Nicole was edgy she looked from me to the bush and back again and then started walking backwards shaking her head like it wasn’t happening.

“Nick.” Paused David, “Stop,” He still hadn’t seen me.

“Nicole. Wait. I want to ask you some questions.” I called over to her making David jump in the process and I would have laughed if we were in a different scenario but it wasn’t the time. He turned and looked at me. I could tell he was panicking, I could just see it in his eyes, it was clear.

Though Nicole didn’t stop she kept walking backwards, I had to run to catch up to her but I wanted these answers, I needed them.

“I only want to talk. I won’t tell anyone all I want is answers.” Nicole could hear me but she couldn’t trust me I could see it in her face, it was because I was a lower class to what she was, a ‘freak’.

“Nicks. You can trust Suki.” David said behind me making me jump this time.

“What do you want to know?” She said nervously. If David hadn’t of been there she would never have listened to me which would have been one hell of a problem. Mind due if he hadn’t been here she wouldn’t have said anything about it and there fore I wouldn’t have known.

“Only an odd thing or two, how old is your mum, what coloured hair has she got?” I paused to give her time to reply and a chance for me to think of new questions. It would also give the illusion that I didn’t have many questions to ask.

“My mum is forty and she has blonde hair. Why?”

“The man who raped you was he tall, fat, bald and in his forties roughly?” I asked ignoring her question. My questions were a lot more important than her ones and so I just focused on the answers.

“Yes. Do you know him?”

“Shamefully I think I do and he got you pregnant.” I just wanted to get my facts straight.

“Yes.” She stood silently afterwards as though someone had zipped her mouth shut.

“Well then I have some phoning to do.” I turned on my heels and started walking away.

“Wait. Why? How? Who is he?”

“He’s my step father, my brother and sister’s father but not mine. He’s raped me before but I didn’t get pregnant plus I threatened him.”

Nicole nodded at my answer she seemed calmer but to me that seemed strange she would be going through the worst stage in her life at the moment and yet she was calm about it. Was she happy that she wasn’t the only one that had had something done to them by my step father? Did she think that it was okay to know that she wasn’t the only one? It makes me sick to know that he has done something to someone else it shows that he’s an animal.

“Did you know that he was going to ask your mum to marry him? My mum’s been really up-set at home, crying and everything. For me, I think it’s a waste of space and a stupid thing to be fussing over.”

“He was going to propose?”

“He still is.” I cut in

“Suki,”

“Yes.” I said looking directly at her.

“I’m sorry I called you a freak. I shouldn’t have and if anyone’s the freak it’s me.”

“No. The only freak I know is my step-dad.” We all laughed.

The bell went and we all went in. I never said a word to no-one about nothing that day and Abi thought I was a bit quiet on the way home.

*

For the next few hours, I was a mixture of emotions and knew that if I phoned the police then this could go on for months and yet if I didn’t thousands of people could be effected. Okay so I let my mind wander a bit. There will be around, well I don’t know but there will be people affected. I stood in front of the phone I kept pacing and then touching the receiver but I was a little scared. When Sophie came in she looked at me.

“Why are you pacing?” She asked confused.

“Can we go up to your room to talk and no you’re not in trouble.” I answered her confused look and walked up the stairs.

Sophie shut her bed room door behind her sensing the privacy of this matter.

“I don’t know whether to call the police or not on your dad.” I said plainly, no point in saying it slowly it only makes it worse.

“My dad,” She questioned. “Why?”

“I’m not his daughter mum had a guy before him. Yes. Should I?”

“Oh right. Should you what?” Sophie obviously wasn’t listening.

“Call the police on dad?” I was getting annoyed now.

“Why now and not before,”

“He got a girl pregnant that I know at my school. He’s doing what he did to us to other people and I’m not having it. I told him he could start a fresh but I would call the police if I found something. Well. I have.”

“Sounds like your mind is made up already,” Sophie said to me whilst sitting on her bed.

“I suppose it is. Yes.” I replied.

“So you want the tapes for evidence?” She asked. “It’s just the police will ask questions.”

“So we tell them the truth.” I could tell she was scared. Mind due how many people would call the cops and not be nervous with a situation like ours?

“Can you do it at the weekend please Suki? It will be a lot less hassle because of late nights and school. Mum will have time to chill by then and we can, well, plan stuff. You know like where dad is,”

“Okay that will give me a chance to talk to Nicole.” I answered. So Friday and Saturday, dad was going to get a shock.

*

The next day I walked to school with Abi as per usual, she was very happy that I was talking more. I really don’t understand that. I usually talk too much and bore everybody to death but not Abi, she likes me talking to her.

As we approached the gates I saw David and Nicole sitting there cuddling and holding hands. As I didn’t want to show how much this was effecting me, I walked up to them and started talking. God how I hated seeing him with his arms around her, I felt like he was ripping my heart to shreds when cycling over a tight rope; almost as though it was that easy. As we talked, David with drew his arm from around Nicole and let her hand go. It didn’t change anything though because he still liked her a lot and it was killing me on the inside.

Abi had walked over to the others with me so when we started talking; she looked like we were talking alien to her. I told them about doing it this weekend because of late-nights and having to get up for school would be a night mare. Then Nicole told us that she couldn’t do it. To stay in the same house with that lunatic was a soul smasher. I knew what she mean’t and so invited her to sleep round my house until the end of the weekend. She looked hesitant at first but then excepted and thanked me a few times.

Abi told me I was nuts as I walked away from David and Nicole. So I answered her by saying,

“I’d rather have her round my house than round David’s doing god knows what.”

“You really like him don’t you.” She stated.

“Yes. I do.”

“But why were you talking to her? You hate her.”

“I don’t hate her well not anymore. Well only a tiny bit and that’s because shes got the man that I want. In that way I hate her guts. I hope she chokes on a grape or something but in all the other ways… Well I’m over them.”

“But what made you change your mind?”

“Something,” I felt guilty about leaving Abi out after all. I had told her nearly everything about when I was emailing David. She knew about my step dad and more. I could trust Abi I knew it but it wasn’t my secret to tell but it still involved me.

“What is it?” She asked. I could tell by her voice that if I didn’t want to tell her she would drop the subject but she would like to know.

“I might tell you later.” That gave me a chance to think and for her to know that it’s a hard decision for me.

I went to find David at break and asked him for a chat alone. I told him about my situation with Abi and asked him what I should do.

“If you can trust Abi then you have nothing to worry about.” He said. So I got up to go.

“Suki,” He said from behind me. I turned round to face him.

“Yes,” There was an eerie short silence.

“Never mind,” He answered. This really worried me.

“Okay see you later David I’ll email you.” He laughed and I walked off to tell Abi. She was as shocked as I had been. Then I started to tell her why I had thought it was my step father who had done it. So that when I finished she agreed with me and said she would come round on Friday and Saturday and try to help with the situation.

*