Desolate Love

(Friday)

I heard the annoying sound of my alarm clock digging into my dreams so I was pulled back to reality unwillingly.

The day started as normal and soon enough I was at school talking to Abi, Nicole and David about our situation and what we would have to do.

“Are we ringing the police tonight or tomorrow?” I asked pacing the ground. The sooner Dad was in prison the better for everyone.

“Tonight that’s the plan.” Nicole said nervously. Either she knew something the rest of us didn’t or she was just scared out of her wits.

“Nicks come over here and talk to me for a minute.” So she followed me a little way away from the others. “Have you got all of your stuff with you?”

“Yes, it’s in my locker.” Nicole seemed hesitant in talking too long to me. It was obvious she only trusted me because of David.

“What’s wrong?” She stood still not replying. “Come on, I noticed your nervous so what’s up?” She grabbed my hand and yanked me further away from the others.

“They are suspicious. I swear that Max over heard the conversation that I had over the phone with David. I just needed some one to talk to. Then he went past the door, so I don’t know.” She panicked.

“So Max might know our plan to throw him in jail.” I stated seriously. This was bad, very bad, he could be planning something. What if… No! I am not starting a what if conversation, I would be here forever.

“I don’t think he heard much of our conversation as he went past fast. Please don’t kill me.” She said across the awkward silence.

“It only makes the matter worse if I kill you and what you did anyone could have done, it is now the fact that he could know what we are up to that up-sets me. In which case we are in trouble.” I was worried. My step dad is sneaky when he’s quiet and so if your planning something you could get in trouble. I have to out smart him but how do I do that when I don’t know what he’s planning.

We went back to the others but neither of us said anything. We continued planning after that I wanted to be on my own. It was just so that I could think. I walked to my hide out and sat there, I don’t know why I did it but I burst out silently crying. The plan was all set but that wasn’t the thing up-setting me. I think it was the fact that I was bottling my emotions up for far too long now, I just needed space to let them out.

“Suki,” There was a voice from behind me and a short pause afterwards. “Are you alright?” He said. I knew it was Tucker but I didn’t know what to say, I had definitely kept him out of my life these days. I looked at him standing there alone. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I’m fine.” I lied and I could definitely tell that he could see I wasn’t. He knew me well enough to know that I wouldn’t be sitting on my own crying for nothing.

“Please tell me Suki.” He wasn’t asking me for what was wrong he was saying it like it was a statement. He came and sat next to me and I hugged him crying. I didn’t say anything but I leaned on his shoulder as though having him near me, caring, helped.

“Thanks Tucker.” I said when I had no more tears left to shed.

“Why don’t you tell me anything? Why tell David or Abi everything? Why do you shut me out? Don’t you trust me?” I could tell I was hurting him but I was trying to protect him from me and my family. It was the way that things were.

“I can’t Tucker. I’m sorry.” I said getting up. Maybe hugging him was a bad idea after all.

“Suki, please,” I watched him beg, I shook my head, why was everyone intent on helping me? Was there a reason to the help that came out of no-where? Did I really look like I was desperate for someone to talk to?

“Tucker, back-off. Leave me alone. Maybe I don’t tell you stuff so you don’t get hurt. Did you ever think about that? Did it ever occur to you that I don’t want to see you get hurt because of me or my family? Please just leave.” I turned away from him shaking me head.

“Suki, maybe if you told me what was going on I wouldn’t get hurt. You should stop trying to cut people off from you because usually they are trying to help.”

“I don’t need help.” Fighting with Tucker made me cry again. He had no idea how bad things had gotten. I knew that he just wanted to help but sometimes the best way to help is to not do anything at all.

“The bells gone. Come on. I’ll walk you to your lesson.” He said softly.

“No I don’t want to go. If anyone asks Tucker then I didn’t feel well and I went home. Okay.” I suddenly felt like I couldn’t face school. Tucker wouldn’t understand no-one would.

“You mean your bunking?”

“Tucker, go before you get in trouble.” I just wanted time to think.

“What’s happened to you?” He was up-set it seemed.

“Life’s happened to me and I have to deal with it.”

“I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” I watched him walk away. I didn’t mean to be so harsh, I just wanted to protect him and it doesn’t seem to be working. I had so many questions in my brain. All I could really think about was the gig. What will I do at the gig? I have David and Harry trying to impress me. Who should I fall for?

*

I sat there through the first lesson and second too. I didn’t feel like moving and I really didn’t need to. So I stayed there and was surprised when Harry, Abi’s brother found me just before break. He came through the bushes and made me jump by saying my name.

“Suki,”

I turned round to find him standing there in a pair of tight black jeans and Mcr t-shirt. I couldn’t stop my self staring at him. My mouth must have opened and closed four or five times trying to say something but failing. I must have looked absolutely stupid. Then when I finally realised that I couldn’t speak I looked down at my hands that were clasped tightly together in my lap. I then stretched my self and sighed.

“How’d you find me?” I finally managed to ask.

“Abi,”

I didn’t understand, I mean I had only told Tucker about where I was so how would Abi know where I was? How would she be able to contact her brother to come and find me? It didn’t make sense to me.

“Abi?” I ushered him on.

“She rang me and told me where she thought you’d be and told me that you were bunking school. So I said that I could come and find you.” He said coming towards me. “Any room on that seat for me,” He asked. I shuffled over and let him sit down next to me. Then I thought about what he said.

“Doesn’t that mean that you are truanting as well, from college?” I said.

“Your sharp. Yes that does mean that I have taken some of my time to come looking for you.” He answered.

“Harry, you shouldn’t of.” I said suddenly feeling very guilty for taking some of his time that he should be using to study or be in some sort of lesson. “I only wanted time to think.” I said leaning my head on his shoulder. “Do you think I’m stupid?” I really felt like I was stupid, I had been blinded by the fact that Abi would have worried with me not being in lessons and wanting to go home. I had managed to cause every one to panic with out realising it.

“No. You’re not stupid. You are very bright but you need to be in lessons to learn. I wanted to come and find you anyway. To make sure you’re alright by what I’ve been hearing Abi say you have been going through a lot and I want you to talk to me about it. You’re not sitting here doing nothing for no reason, so open up and talk to me. I have all the time in the world.” As Harry was talking to me, he leant his head on mine and put his arm round me. I felt safe and secure in his arms like all my worries had turned into dust. It was a feeling that I had rarely ever felt before and for it to have been Harry that gave me this good feeling was a good sign. It meant that I could trust him, that he would help me and not judge me.

“Sorry Harry,” I said edging away from him slightly. My hands started fiddling with my nails. I didn’t understand, two hours ago Tucker had basically come to me with the exact same goal. To know if I was alright and to get me to tell him about it and yet I had felt like I couldn’t tell him. Here was Harry two hours later, coming here to ask the exact same thing and I can feel my-self wanting to open up to him. I kept shaking my head. I had known Tucker how many years longer? And yet here was Harry and it had only been a few days and I felt I could open up to him…

I looked at him sitting there, he looked really sad, then I realised it was me making him sad. Why was it always my fault when it came to stuff? Why was I causing so much pain?

I felt the tears start slipping from my eyes that obviously made him feel worst.

“Are you alright?” He asked me. I breathed in deeply.

“No. I’m not.” I honestly said to him and decided that I didn’t care if everyone wanted to know what was up with me I wasn’t going to say anything. I would go on pretending that everything was okay but inside it’s not. I just want to pretend that the world is not any different. Then I can move on and hopefully choose the right path to take but I need to let my heart decide not my emotions.

“Thanks Harry, you have really helped me.” I told him. He hadn’t really done anything but if I can make it seem like he has then maybe he’ll leave me alone.

“Have I? I haven’t really done anything for you.”

“You’ve done more than you can imagine.” I smiled a fake smile which he seemed to buy. This was good if I could get passed this then I could probably get home alright. No-one would notice anything.

“Well…” He sighed. I obviously didn’t look too convincing. “I think you need to go back into your lessons.” He concluded. I thought he was going to say something else.

“Do I have to?” I asked.

“If you don’t then I’ll make you stay here and tell me what is really wrong with you.” He said.

“You noticed.” I said crest fallen, I just want to get on with my life not hurt everyone but everything I seem to be doing seems to be getting everyone hurt.

“Kind of hard not to, so anyway, get a move on and you may be able to stop Abi from worrying about you.” Harry said, but when I looked at his face he seemed almost hesitant to let me go so quickly.

“Thanks Harry.” I said, I really was grateful that he had taken some of his time to come and find me. “Shit. What excuse can I give the teachers at why I am arriving at school two hours late?” I asked.

“I’ll come with you to reception and I’ll say you had a dentist appointment and that your mum was too unwell to take you. I can be your cousin or something if they ask, okay.” God did he just make all of that up for me? Is he really this nice? Why am I being so emotional? One step at a time, I need to get to lesson first, so we walked to reception where they were fooled by our little act. I entered the lesson and everyone stared at me I noticed Abi light up. Maybe coming back into the school was a good thing but I still felt like I should be left on my own. Still nothing can be worst than the stress of tonight?

After school everyone came back to my house. My mum was still camped out in front of the TV, she looked really ill.

“What’s up with your mum?” Nicole whispered in my ear as I led them up to my room.

“She found out dads proposing to your mother.”

“Oh.” Was the reply as five of us crammed into my room.

“So what happens first?” Sophie asked scared.

“We get our stories straight.” I told them. “We tell the truth.” I picked up the phone.

“Suki, how do I explain filming what dad did?”

“You recorded them as proof, well didn’t you?”

“Of course,” Sophie said quickly.

The phone started ringing.

“Hello, Can I help you?” The voice on the other side of the phone asked.

“Yes you can. We would like to ask you to arrest a man for child abuse or sexual interaction with under age children.” I spoke slowly but sure of my self.

“You have a strong complaint we will send someone round immediately to look at any evidence then we will file the complaint under what ever category that it fits. You will need to leave your name and address please.” So I told the female on the other end of the phone my address and details and details before hanging up. The officers I was told would be here in five minutes. So all we had to do was wait.

“What will your mum say if the police show up?” David asked knowing that I hadn’t said anything to her. I stood there thinking not sure on how she would react. I sat down on the bed, my mind a hazy day dream of the good times that had only once been. Those memories were long since forgotten and buried and my mum looked like she wouldn’t be able to cope with anything or anyone let alone Dad. Would she want me to cause more trouble for her already troubled head? No, probably not.

“Suki,”.Someone said snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Sorry, daydreaming there for a second.” I pointed out the obvious. “Sophie.” I instructed, as I sounded like I was finally taking charge. “Go down the stairs and check on mum.” She nodded at me and left the room, three minutes later the phone rang and someone picked it up down the stairs.

Waiting for feed-back on mum was slow as Sophie took around twenty minutes getting information but during that time, I had time to plan our next move. I knew the officers would be here soon. Just before Sophie entered the room I addressed Nicole with the utmost importance.

“Nicole.” She looked at me nervously. I know standing around doin nothing is a hard job to follow when you want to act so I think she was glad that I finally had a task for her to do. “I need you to pay a phone call to your mum from your mobile. There is an importance to the matter that we get exactly where the enemy is. This should help us know our strength and weaknesses. Also we need to check whether Max has caught on to our plan so ring your mum because she loves you and will tell you the truth.” Nicole nodded exiting my room and probably the house to make the private phone call.

“Nicely handled,” David said from behind me as soon as Nick had gone. “Do you have a plan?” He asked.

“Nope, it’s the spur of the moment kind of thing. How are you doing?” I asked glancing behind me. I hadn’t given him a job to do but him being here was a big comfort. My mind was racing full of doubts and worries but I soon stopped thinking about them when Sophie re-entered the room with Abi who I had asked to check how progress was going ten minutes ago. Anyway Sophie enlightened me to the fact that the electricity guy called whose name was John. He was on his way over to talk about why we have been struggling to pay the electricity bills. I already knew why it was because my job didn’t pay much and I was trying to do too many things. The next thing Sophie told me was surprising, seeing as John was coming over, mum was having a shower and making her-self look presentable. When I asked Sophie why she said, ‘it’s because the guys single and him and mum have met before.’

There was a problem though, the electricity guy was on his way here now, and the officers would be here any minute. It was great that mum was actually doing something now, hopefully the two of them can go out and talk.

“Sophie, this is important. You need to keep mum and ‘John’ out of the house when he gets here. Or I could go and tell mum that the police are coming round to well hear us out about dad.” I suggested my thoughts out loud. Yes, I know… Bad idea…

“No. Fist idea was good.” Abi cut in and Sophie went back out of the room with a new mission.

“Oh Abi, what am I going to do?” I asked. “If one part of this goes wrong then I’m dead meat. I am so stressed at the moment you can’t imagine. I feel like I’m being ripped in seven. The plans I keep coming up with… I don’t know how I’m making them exist because I can’t think.” I heard the doorbell go from down the stairs but the second I went to move to answer it, my vision started to spin and blur and I could feel my-self falling. I know someone caught me and put me down somewhere comfortable. I tried to get up or open my eyes but I couldn’t, however I could feel a strange tug from somewhere making me sleepy. I know someone was moving the hair out of my eyes and then darkness…

*

(Three hours later)

Okay I’m standing in total darkness and can’t seem to wake up. Is this a coma? I can feel someone holding my hand and they were talking to me too. Who is it? David? Come on wake up, why can’t I get up?

*