Story of a hilariously Awkward life
Hair Glorious hair
Now, this series wouldn't be complete without a hairy chapter added. I mean, lets face it, our hairdo is one of the large fraction on how people perceive us. And I've learned that in my life, hair has it's ups and downs. It could be used as a weapon,capturing another, give someone a heart attack, make someone laugh out loud, make you want to kill someone etc...yes my dear friends, the list is as long as Santa's.
Unfortunately, none of our little family got away with the perfect model 101 look. Even dad had his shares of disasters. Folks, meet my dad, dad meet the readers.
William Senior, is a 6'1 ft tall Norwegian, (if you didn't know mom's just 5'2 ft, huge height difference). He has dark honey blond hair, blue eyes, loves to sail the 7 seas, very silent and ALWAYS looks like a victim from raging winds. Even if the weather is relatively still outside.
Yes, when I think of bad hairdo, I don't think Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, I think of my dad. His hair is always messy. It always looked like he was shaken and slapped violently by the winds, and it stuck out in all directions. The only time his hair was ever neat, is when he comes out of the shower. Give him half and hour and it's back to his messy do again.
Mom, wow, sweet dearest mother of mine. She literally stunt everyone with her hair. She scares them, dazzle them and un-intentionally make people's belly rumble with laughter at the sight of her hair. When you talk about bed head, Jussi from the 69 Eyes and Got2be have nothing on her! I know I've stated this before, but believe me folks, I ain't over exaggerating that fact. We have countless of Polaroids pictures and witness it almost everyday as prove. Her hair would literally stick out to the tips in various directions, flat and over the face on one side. If you see her making coffee in the morning you'd laugh so hard, but when you face her in the middle of the night (see previous chapter) or face to face in the morning, you'll stay frozen of the spot with a mix feeling of fear and laughter erupting in your belly. Graceful is not in mom's book when it's early in the morning, she stomps and stumbles and her breathing sounds like growling. Now, on the other hand, she is pretty vain. And when there's a function to go to, stay out of the room unless you want to get suffocated or your an expert of holding your breath for really long periods of time. There's only on way to describe her pre glamor and post dazzle and that would be: Mufasa from the Lion King. That's before the arranging of locks and half a bottle of hairspray used. She puts rock stars to shame and have no care for the environment and the O-zone. She believe it's part of her ' Living for the moment' philosophy.
Then came her kids...
Me and Shay, always had long hair in the past. Mom says it's because it's beautiful to have long hair. We say it is a trap our parents tells us to keep us in arms reach, but the bright side, it could be use as a handy weapon. Our hair was never let loose, it was always braided into a singular thick braid, flowing down our back. I usually roll mine up into a bun, a precaution and habit I learned through Shay's unfortunate event...
Dearest Shay was caught by the principle, loitering the school yard after the start bell had rung...OK, it was more like hiding suspiciously behind the entrance wall. She was no doubt a look out for William. Unfortunate for her, the last thing she expected was getting caught by the Vice Principle, and when she was asked what she was doing outside , all sense to build up a decent excuse flew from her brain, and she did the most natural, idiotic thing a person could do in that situation...run; under the vice principle's arm and into wider space. Thus began the game of 'Catch me if you can' all around the school yard and playground. After much panting and missing her prey, the Vice Principle realized her mistake of running around. Note, she had 3 1/2 inches heels and a tight skirt, both combination is definitely not good chasing a 7 year old runner from below - on a slightly wet autumn day. The game of catch was quickly turned into the game of hunt. She crouched forward, hands spreaded out as she inched very slowly towards Shay, like a predator eyeing her prey, waiting for an opening to strike. Shay, noticing the new movement and game, became very curious and played along. Tensing her body for a side spring, that would launch her speed in running...they started dancing, tip toeing around each other, then she saw it. The Vice Principle launched in the air, ready to tackle her to the ground like a star football/rugby player, but she struck too soon and Shay saw the movement, quickly side stepping her. Now knowing her mistake, she became desperate and also needed something to stable her balance. She reached out, grabbed a handful of braid and yanked. What the high heeled predator didn't count on was, the excess weight landing on her rather then the ground. The breath was knocked out of her as she landed sideways onto a wet slide, spraining her already swollen ankle in the process and also ruining her stunning, surely expensive skirt. Just as she regained both breathing and balance, William's name rang out in high soprano in the hallway to the entrance, with him running full speed and accidentally knocking the high heeled predator to off her feet...yet again. So like almost always, they ended up visiting the Principles Office, and the high heeled predator, in the doctors office, nursing a sprained swollen ankle and probably swearing off high heels.
Now for the good side of having long braided hair...well, have you ever wondered why the amazing Amazon women had long, thick single braids? We don't, we actually know. You see, these beautiful warriors were able to convert anything they had into weapons and that even included there hair. Yep, you read it correctly. You see, one whip of your head and the braid lashes out, slapping the attacker senseless across the face. The sweetest thing is, you don't have to be up close to the intended victim, but the downside is...it will only work when you catch your attacker unaware. It's an attack with an element of surprise, leaving them mouthing 'What the HECK just happened', giving you room to run to the next position on time; and launch the next attack. How does it work? Well, even with the slightest force, the hair still brushes the face of the bully... I mean,attacker...and tickles/itches the skin. If you're lucky to get close to the eye area, well it leaves the attacker paralyzed for a few seconds longer. As the eye area is the most sensitive on the face, and the only natural reaction is rubbing the itch off. Word of advise, (although I don't fully recommend this move to be used unless in dire need), this move can only be successfully executed with much practice. Try it on a pillow or a younger sibling that keeps busting your nerves...
William, well he had no luck with hair at all. He used to have shoulder length wavy hair as a kid. It was a deep dark mahogany color, that suited his long lashes well. But the trouble and mischief he constantly got into, made mom really worried. He was tackled 3 times in his youth, with an electronic shaving machine and his hair was chopped off, just to see if he had the initial birthmark of ' 666'. After Shay's unfortunate event, he began to like his shaved head do even more. There was no fuss of looking neat, as it was the world's difficult task for him, he had the speed on his side, and no hair yanking to worry about. It had become a habit for him to have short, cropped hair and until this very day he still has it. Occasionally he would let his hair grow out, but the neat part always took it's toll and out comes the shaver.
Mika, when he was a kid, he had the cutest look. Wavy black hair weaved nicely around his delicate face-minus the glasses- and was always shoulder length. But he too, developed neat problems, when hanging out with us. His once wavy hair will be knotted up and wind slapped, and he was constantly pushing it off his face. When he saw Will's short cropped he got curious, and he did a dangerous thing...he confided in William on how he wished he had it. That night, slumber party was taken to an extreme, that had me harshly whispering against it, while the 3 devils giggled silently juggling the shaver in their hands. Mika, the mini devil was a lost soul, with tell tale cookie crumbs around the corners of his mouth. He ended up with a Very crooked Mohawk and our mothers, pissed off. After a long embarrassing month of having going to school, with his new look, he finally had his wish granted with a short crop, which by then, the wish had turned sour.
And now for a very important count down...
5. Always plan your new look, make a list of pros and cons of it.
4. Always have as many opinion as possible.
3.Remember, the outcome can sometimes be painful and not how you imagine it to be.
2. When having a sleep over, sleep with one eye open if you have to. Guard you hair and hair products.
1. ALWAYS go to a hair dresser to get your locks chopped. Never by any means trust your sibling with a shaver, knife or a pair of scissors. It ALWAYS ends up bad.
Unfortunately, none of our little family got away with the perfect model 101 look. Even dad had his shares of disasters. Folks, meet my dad, dad meet the readers.
William Senior, is a 6'1 ft tall Norwegian, (if you didn't know mom's just 5'2 ft, huge height difference). He has dark honey blond hair, blue eyes, loves to sail the 7 seas, very silent and ALWAYS looks like a victim from raging winds. Even if the weather is relatively still outside.
Yes, when I think of bad hairdo, I don't think Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, I think of my dad. His hair is always messy. It always looked like he was shaken and slapped violently by the winds, and it stuck out in all directions. The only time his hair was ever neat, is when he comes out of the shower. Give him half and hour and it's back to his messy do again.
Mom, wow, sweet dearest mother of mine. She literally stunt everyone with her hair. She scares them, dazzle them and un-intentionally make people's belly rumble with laughter at the sight of her hair. When you talk about bed head, Jussi from the 69 Eyes and Got2be have nothing on her! I know I've stated this before, but believe me folks, I ain't over exaggerating that fact. We have countless of Polaroids pictures and witness it almost everyday as prove. Her hair would literally stick out to the tips in various directions, flat and over the face on one side. If you see her making coffee in the morning you'd laugh so hard, but when you face her in the middle of the night (see previous chapter) or face to face in the morning, you'll stay frozen of the spot with a mix feeling of fear and laughter erupting in your belly. Graceful is not in mom's book when it's early in the morning, she stomps and stumbles and her breathing sounds like growling. Now, on the other hand, she is pretty vain. And when there's a function to go to, stay out of the room unless you want to get suffocated or your an expert of holding your breath for really long periods of time. There's only on way to describe her pre glamor and post dazzle and that would be: Mufasa from the Lion King. That's before the arranging of locks and half a bottle of hairspray used. She puts rock stars to shame and have no care for the environment and the O-zone. She believe it's part of her ' Living for the moment' philosophy.
Then came her kids...
Me and Shay, always had long hair in the past. Mom says it's because it's beautiful to have long hair. We say it is a trap our parents tells us to keep us in arms reach, but the bright side, it could be use as a handy weapon. Our hair was never let loose, it was always braided into a singular thick braid, flowing down our back. I usually roll mine up into a bun, a precaution and habit I learned through Shay's unfortunate event...
Dearest Shay was caught by the principle, loitering the school yard after the start bell had rung...OK, it was more like hiding suspiciously behind the entrance wall. She was no doubt a look out for William. Unfortunate for her, the last thing she expected was getting caught by the Vice Principle, and when she was asked what she was doing outside , all sense to build up a decent excuse flew from her brain, and she did the most natural, idiotic thing a person could do in that situation...run; under the vice principle's arm and into wider space. Thus began the game of 'Catch me if you can' all around the school yard and playground. After much panting and missing her prey, the Vice Principle realized her mistake of running around. Note, she had 3 1/2 inches heels and a tight skirt, both combination is definitely not good chasing a 7 year old runner from below - on a slightly wet autumn day. The game of catch was quickly turned into the game of hunt. She crouched forward, hands spreaded out as she inched very slowly towards Shay, like a predator eyeing her prey, waiting for an opening to strike. Shay, noticing the new movement and game, became very curious and played along. Tensing her body for a side spring, that would launch her speed in running...they started dancing, tip toeing around each other, then she saw it. The Vice Principle launched in the air, ready to tackle her to the ground like a star football/rugby player, but she struck too soon and Shay saw the movement, quickly side stepping her. Now knowing her mistake, she became desperate and also needed something to stable her balance. She reached out, grabbed a handful of braid and yanked. What the high heeled predator didn't count on was, the excess weight landing on her rather then the ground. The breath was knocked out of her as she landed sideways onto a wet slide, spraining her already swollen ankle in the process and also ruining her stunning, surely expensive skirt. Just as she regained both breathing and balance, William's name rang out in high soprano in the hallway to the entrance, with him running full speed and accidentally knocking the high heeled predator to off her feet...yet again. So like almost always, they ended up visiting the Principles Office, and the high heeled predator, in the doctors office, nursing a sprained swollen ankle and probably swearing off high heels.
Now for the good side of having long braided hair...well, have you ever wondered why the amazing Amazon women had long, thick single braids? We don't, we actually know. You see, these beautiful warriors were able to convert anything they had into weapons and that even included there hair. Yep, you read it correctly. You see, one whip of your head and the braid lashes out, slapping the attacker senseless across the face. The sweetest thing is, you don't have to be up close to the intended victim, but the downside is...it will only work when you catch your attacker unaware. It's an attack with an element of surprise, leaving them mouthing 'What the HECK just happened', giving you room to run to the next position on time; and launch the next attack. How does it work? Well, even with the slightest force, the hair still brushes the face of the bully... I mean,attacker...and tickles/itches the skin. If you're lucky to get close to the eye area, well it leaves the attacker paralyzed for a few seconds longer. As the eye area is the most sensitive on the face, and the only natural reaction is rubbing the itch off. Word of advise, (although I don't fully recommend this move to be used unless in dire need), this move can only be successfully executed with much practice. Try it on a pillow or a younger sibling that keeps busting your nerves...
William, well he had no luck with hair at all. He used to have shoulder length wavy hair as a kid. It was a deep dark mahogany color, that suited his long lashes well. But the trouble and mischief he constantly got into, made mom really worried. He was tackled 3 times in his youth, with an electronic shaving machine and his hair was chopped off, just to see if he had the initial birthmark of ' 666'. After Shay's unfortunate event, he began to like his shaved head do even more. There was no fuss of looking neat, as it was the world's difficult task for him, he had the speed on his side, and no hair yanking to worry about. It had become a habit for him to have short, cropped hair and until this very day he still has it. Occasionally he would let his hair grow out, but the neat part always took it's toll and out comes the shaver.
Mika, when he was a kid, he had the cutest look. Wavy black hair weaved nicely around his delicate face-minus the glasses- and was always shoulder length. But he too, developed neat problems, when hanging out with us. His once wavy hair will be knotted up and wind slapped, and he was constantly pushing it off his face. When he saw Will's short cropped he got curious, and he did a dangerous thing...he confided in William on how he wished he had it. That night, slumber party was taken to an extreme, that had me harshly whispering against it, while the 3 devils giggled silently juggling the shaver in their hands. Mika, the mini devil was a lost soul, with tell tale cookie crumbs around the corners of his mouth. He ended up with a Very crooked Mohawk and our mothers, pissed off. After a long embarrassing month of having going to school, with his new look, he finally had his wish granted with a short crop, which by then, the wish had turned sour.
And now for a very important count down...
5. Always plan your new look, make a list of pros and cons of it.
4. Always have as many opinion as possible.
3.Remember, the outcome can sometimes be painful and not how you imagine it to be.
2. When having a sleep over, sleep with one eye open if you have to. Guard you hair and hair products.
1. ALWAYS go to a hair dresser to get your locks chopped. Never by any means trust your sibling with a shaver, knife or a pair of scissors. It ALWAYS ends up bad.