Story of a hilariously Awkward life
Kindergarten Innies and 1st Prayers
The one thing in life that confuses me more than anything is religion, although it played a huge part in our lives. I was baptized and raised a catholic. One of the most structured, strict and fearful religion I know. I mean you hear about heaven and all it's glory and then hell and it's fiery flames,for liars, backstabber's, pranksters and well basically those who have sex before wedlock...
Almost everything in that religion is sinful, but the thing that confuses me most is, how mom always manages to find a loop hole in the religion...like for ex:-
"We won't go to church this Sunday because I am taking you out for a treat" and one of us would smart ass reply as so..."Mom, isn't that a sin, I mean not receiving the body of Christ?" and then she'll reply as so..."No, God understands that, that's why he made the confession boxes and penance" and you'd think we'd stop there? nooo...we would debate her on the *sinful* subject as so "But isn't making use of the confession box a sin, I mean using God that way?" and she'd look at us in a smart way and say "You know what else is a sin? Disobeying your parents. It is written in the 10 commandments that 'thou shall always Honor you father and mother' ", it was then we kept our mouth shut and being even more confuse then we started out in the first place and dared not pursue the matter further.
It wasn't until I was 10 did I realize that the little cabinet at the back of the church is not the private toilet of the priest and certain people, but the confession room. I always felt sorry for the priest who entered the toilet, just incase the person who entered the 'toilet' next to it, happened to go poo poo. Now that I know what a confession box is, I feel more sorry for the priest ears, to have to hear the sins...and what happens if the confessing one happen to drops a silent deadly bomb??? I mean there's no ventilation in that room!!!
Enough about confession boxes...more of that later on.
Back to1st prayers. Now my father wasn't really a fan religion, so he is pretty much free from it, more like escaped it grasp with the constant traveling. My grandfather on the other hand was the pillar of the church, which meant that he was very pious and knows every prayers in English and Latin by heart, and he is also very active in the catholic church. He gave us our 1st rosary when I was 6, Shay 5 and Jr,4.
Jr was so excited, to him, the rosary was a sacred sling shot.The first thing he did was tie a piece of cloth to it for pebbles. He thought God was giving him the same calling he gave to David when he had to fight Goliath...blessed with the crucifix and all. He was soo excited, he tested out his sling shot in the room, where the altar was. Unfortunately for him, his little David stunt broke the finger off the Infant Jesus statue we had and to this very day, the statue of baby Jesus is giving us the middle finger. Yep, he broke the fore finger of Jesus that held out the peace on earth sign, mom loved that statue dearly and would not part with it even though it is now and forever showing us the finger. ( I will even supply the pictures for proof!)
Getting our rosaries meant evening prayers...aka 'our worst Nightmare'. We tried every con in the children book of trick and lies, to get away with it. But sadly, our parents wrote that book and knew the signs too well. We did everything from faking a fever to dotting ourselves red magic pen and fake measles, we even when as far as to fake a broken knee cap!
So fine, that didn't work, what do we do? we retaliate. How do we retaliate? easy, we found the prayers to be amusing. We would cleverly kneel behind mom, so she doesn't see the funny faces or the egging we would pull on each other. Each time she turns around, we would rearrange our faces like saints and be really into the prayer. Here's how our normal evening prayer would go:
'Our father, who art in heaven *giggles here because Jr would make a face* hallowed be thy name *giggles, as we found out God's middle name's hallowed* thy kingdom come *giggles softly at Shay's squinted eyes* thy will be done *mom turns around and we act like saints* on earth as in heaven *chokes on Jr, silently deadly fart as he grins broadly* Give us this day our daily bread *Shay swings her rosary and I mouth her to stop* and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us *Jr sticks his forefinger up his nose, causing us to giggle* lead us not into temptation *Jr's puts up 2 forefingers at the sides of his head, symbolizing horns,good timing too* but deliver us for evil *this is where mom catches us red handed*
Amen.
She would bless herself, turn around and say "GOD DAMMIT!, CAN'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE FUCKING RESPECT FOR THE ALTAR!!! YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL THE PRAYERS ARE DONE!" -turns around blesses herself again and continue praying.
That was just and example of our evening prayers. At times we would even unintentionally pick, inappropriate song to sing after prayers as well...like for example Tom Jones brain washing song 'Sex Bomb'.Imagine singing that right after prayers...
So now that you've gotten the insight of our religious life, it's time for school. Like everyone else I got registered into kindergarten. Paving the scholastic way for my sister and brother...yeah right. I got signed up for school, alone at first and did well. I never saw the point in pushing the teachers buttons. I knew full well that they could either make you or break you. Yeah, yeah I am a geek, but what can I say? I find school to be interesting and I like learning. As for the teachers pet, I never asked to be one.
Now the first year of my kindergarten was blissfully quiet and well, I even felt grown up. I bet you 1000 bucks, that all the teachers back then felt that way. Well the next year, Shay was to be enrolled, the same kindergarten as me. I was ecstatic, I mean, hey I get to play in the playground with my sis right?...yeah well sort off...if you count pushing me off the castle house in the playground unsuspectingly, and laughing when I landed on my face fun...
I will never forget my first crush. Daniel was his name, could never remember his last name though. Each morning he would wait outside with the umbrella for me and always a flower in his hand. Sitting under Daniel's umbrella was everything for a girl at age 6. He even taught me to draw stars, each day was like being on a star..yes i know cliche, but it felt good. His ocean blue eyes would light up when he laughs, his thick Australian accent, still rings in my ears and his sandy blond hair shone in the sun...but then one fine rainy day, I came to school late, due to the weather.The first thing I saw, really broke my heart. Daniel, my knight in shining armor was sitting under his blue umbrella with my rival. She even had a flower from him, and they were laughing. He wouldn't look my way at all. I remember running to the bathroom and crying my eyes out.
In walks Shay and asked what was the matter, in some ways I shouldn't have told her, but a part of me was glad I did either ways. She did what sisters would do. Stand up for each other. She marched out the bathroom and straight to Daniel, tapped him on the shoulder. The poor boy didn't expect her knee in his groin, when he turned, but that was what he got. Yep, Shay gave her first knee in the groin to the opposite sex at age 5.
Now whenever I think of Daniel, his blue eyes still burned in my memory along with his laugh but the next thing I see in my mind's eye, is him bending over in pain...
So basically my sis gave the teacher a hand full in kindergarten...but my bro made them beg my mom to transfer him...why? well you'd just have to find out in the next chapter won't you?;)
Almost everything in that religion is sinful, but the thing that confuses me most is, how mom always manages to find a loop hole in the religion...like for ex:-
"We won't go to church this Sunday because I am taking you out for a treat" and one of us would smart ass reply as so..."Mom, isn't that a sin, I mean not receiving the body of Christ?" and then she'll reply as so..."No, God understands that, that's why he made the confession boxes and penance" and you'd think we'd stop there? nooo...we would debate her on the *sinful* subject as so "But isn't making use of the confession box a sin, I mean using God that way?" and she'd look at us in a smart way and say "You know what else is a sin? Disobeying your parents. It is written in the 10 commandments that 'thou shall always Honor you father and mother' ", it was then we kept our mouth shut and being even more confuse then we started out in the first place and dared not pursue the matter further.
It wasn't until I was 10 did I realize that the little cabinet at the back of the church is not the private toilet of the priest and certain people, but the confession room. I always felt sorry for the priest who entered the toilet, just incase the person who entered the 'toilet' next to it, happened to go poo poo. Now that I know what a confession box is, I feel more sorry for the priest ears, to have to hear the sins...and what happens if the confessing one happen to drops a silent deadly bomb??? I mean there's no ventilation in that room!!!
Enough about confession boxes...more of that later on.
Back to1st prayers. Now my father wasn't really a fan religion, so he is pretty much free from it, more like escaped it grasp with the constant traveling. My grandfather on the other hand was the pillar of the church, which meant that he was very pious and knows every prayers in English and Latin by heart, and he is also very active in the catholic church. He gave us our 1st rosary when I was 6, Shay 5 and Jr,4.
Jr was so excited, to him, the rosary was a sacred sling shot.The first thing he did was tie a piece of cloth to it for pebbles. He thought God was giving him the same calling he gave to David when he had to fight Goliath...blessed with the crucifix and all. He was soo excited, he tested out his sling shot in the room, where the altar was. Unfortunately for him, his little David stunt broke the finger off the Infant Jesus statue we had and to this very day, the statue of baby Jesus is giving us the middle finger. Yep, he broke the fore finger of Jesus that held out the peace on earth sign, mom loved that statue dearly and would not part with it even though it is now and forever showing us the finger. ( I will even supply the pictures for proof!)
Getting our rosaries meant evening prayers...aka 'our worst Nightmare'. We tried every con in the children book of trick and lies, to get away with it. But sadly, our parents wrote that book and knew the signs too well. We did everything from faking a fever to dotting ourselves red magic pen and fake measles, we even when as far as to fake a broken knee cap!
So fine, that didn't work, what do we do? we retaliate. How do we retaliate? easy, we found the prayers to be amusing. We would cleverly kneel behind mom, so she doesn't see the funny faces or the egging we would pull on each other. Each time she turns around, we would rearrange our faces like saints and be really into the prayer. Here's how our normal evening prayer would go:
'Our father, who art in heaven *giggles here because Jr would make a face* hallowed be thy name *giggles, as we found out God's middle name's hallowed* thy kingdom come *giggles softly at Shay's squinted eyes* thy will be done *mom turns around and we act like saints* on earth as in heaven *chokes on Jr, silently deadly fart as he grins broadly* Give us this day our daily bread *Shay swings her rosary and I mouth her to stop* and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us *Jr sticks his forefinger up his nose, causing us to giggle* lead us not into temptation *Jr's puts up 2 forefingers at the sides of his head, symbolizing horns,good timing too* but deliver us for evil *this is where mom catches us red handed*
Amen.
She would bless herself, turn around and say "GOD DAMMIT!, CAN'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE FUCKING RESPECT FOR THE ALTAR!!! YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL THE PRAYERS ARE DONE!" -turns around blesses herself again and continue praying.
That was just and example of our evening prayers. At times we would even unintentionally pick, inappropriate song to sing after prayers as well...like for example Tom Jones brain washing song 'Sex Bomb'.Imagine singing that right after prayers...
So now that you've gotten the insight of our religious life, it's time for school. Like everyone else I got registered into kindergarten. Paving the scholastic way for my sister and brother...yeah right. I got signed up for school, alone at first and did well. I never saw the point in pushing the teachers buttons. I knew full well that they could either make you or break you. Yeah, yeah I am a geek, but what can I say? I find school to be interesting and I like learning. As for the teachers pet, I never asked to be one.
Now the first year of my kindergarten was blissfully quiet and well, I even felt grown up. I bet you 1000 bucks, that all the teachers back then felt that way. Well the next year, Shay was to be enrolled, the same kindergarten as me. I was ecstatic, I mean, hey I get to play in the playground with my sis right?...yeah well sort off...if you count pushing me off the castle house in the playground unsuspectingly, and laughing when I landed on my face fun...
I will never forget my first crush. Daniel was his name, could never remember his last name though. Each morning he would wait outside with the umbrella for me and always a flower in his hand. Sitting under Daniel's umbrella was everything for a girl at age 6. He even taught me to draw stars, each day was like being on a star..yes i know cliche, but it felt good. His ocean blue eyes would light up when he laughs, his thick Australian accent, still rings in my ears and his sandy blond hair shone in the sun...but then one fine rainy day, I came to school late, due to the weather.The first thing I saw, really broke my heart. Daniel, my knight in shining armor was sitting under his blue umbrella with my rival. She even had a flower from him, and they were laughing. He wouldn't look my way at all. I remember running to the bathroom and crying my eyes out.
In walks Shay and asked what was the matter, in some ways I shouldn't have told her, but a part of me was glad I did either ways. She did what sisters would do. Stand up for each other. She marched out the bathroom and straight to Daniel, tapped him on the shoulder. The poor boy didn't expect her knee in his groin, when he turned, but that was what he got. Yep, Shay gave her first knee in the groin to the opposite sex at age 5.
Now whenever I think of Daniel, his blue eyes still burned in my memory along with his laugh but the next thing I see in my mind's eye, is him bending over in pain...
So basically my sis gave the teacher a hand full in kindergarten...but my bro made them beg my mom to transfer him...why? well you'd just have to find out in the next chapter won't you?;)