Zack Baker
Would You?
Standing at the patio door, Tegan stared at the silvery silver of the moon and the winking stars.
The calmness of the scene should have soothed her. It didn’t. A fraction of an inch at a time, control slipped away.
Above everything else in her life, she cherished being in control She’d fought for the courage to leave Aaron, then she’d struggled through the first few months of freedom as she learned to think for herself and be independent.
Was Zack right? She wondered. Was it possible not to lose herself in him? In bed, she’d let go completely—but so had he.
From her robe pocket, she took out the lucky penny he’d given her. It touched her in a way nothing else ever had. An expensive gift wouldn’t have meant as much to her as this tiny treasure. She’d keep it close, always, as a reminder that he’d thought enough of her to part with his talisman.
Silently Zack came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
“Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“No.”
“I’d give you a penny for your thoughts, but I’ve already given it to you.”
“I know. It’s in my pocket.”
He kissed the side of her neck with the tenderness of a lover, and she melted against him.
“Do you want to go back to sleep?” he asked.
She turned toward him and placed her hand on his chest. “Did you have anything better in mind?” Even in the dim lighting, she saw his brow arch.
“Are you trying to seduce me, Tegan?”
“I just don’t want to be alone,” she admitted.
He feathered his fingers into her hair. “Want to relax in the hot tub?”
She recalled their first night together, the way they’d talked and laughed. Part of her wanted that again. “Yes.”
“Ever been skinny dipping?”
“I thought you brought my bikini.”
“I like looking at you, all of you.”
She shivered deliciously. “I’m willing to try.”
He loosened the belt holding her robe closed, dropping the ends. The material parted, and cool mountain air caressed her heated skin.
He drew the robe across her shoulders, kissing her body as he bared it. Finally, the thick terry slithered to the floor, leaving her completely naked.
Tegan opened the sliding glass door. Going inside, she was mindful that he stood inside, watching her. White light twinkled on the pine trees, lightening the way.
She reached the water’s edge and the metal railing.
“Wait.”
Looking over her shoulder, she raised a brow.
“I don’t want you to slip.”
“I won’t.”
“I’m not taking chances with your safety.”
With a sigh, she waited, dipping her toe in the warm water. He grabbed a couple of glasses, topped them with their special champagne, then walked across the pool’s flagstone deck.
“I’m not helpless,” she told him, trying not to look at his body—little belly, tapered waist, lean hips and powerful thighs…
“I know.”
“Then—“
“Tegan, let it go,” he said, putting down the glasses and descending into the water.
Because it was easier, she did. He offered his hand and she took it, accepting his guidance as he helped her.
Ruffled by their movements, the water lapped at her, she gratefully sat onto one of the steps, enveloped up to her chin.
She tipped back her head, closing her eyes and enjoying the sensual delight of being naked and aware, under the seemingly endless night sky.
“It’s quiet here,” he said, the husky vibration of his voice touching a chord inside her. “A place a man can feel peace.”
“Is that something you’re searching for?”
He didn’t answer for a long time, so long she wondered if he ever would.
“Didn’t know that till I was nearly twenty-one, but yeah.”
Her heart accelerated. Zack had just opened a window, offering her a glimpse at the emotions he kept locked deep inside.
Would he let her see more? She wondered. Did he trust her enough to allow her to get any closer? “You moved away for a few years.”
Even though her eyes were closed, she felt the deep penetration ofh is stare.
“You seem to know a lot about me.”
She knew he had the devil’s own temper when crossed, that he was fiercely possessive and that he was determined to protect what was his—and that included her. She also knew he could be kind and considerate, putting her needs before his own. “I read Miss Starr’s column,” she said.
“Gossip.”
She ignored the sandpapery warning that told her to back down. “She called you Matt and Brian Haner the Troublesome Trio.”
He didn’t answer.
“Was that true?”
“Possibly.”
“So why did you come home?”
“My mother was dying.”
Bringing her head forward, Tegan looked at him.
From the dim light inside the room, as well as the moon’s glow, she saw the shadows lurking in his eyes.
“Matt called me and told me Mom was alone.”
“After everything you’d been through, you came back to take care of her?”
“She was my mother.”
“Simple as that?”
“Simple as that.”
To him, it was.
He’d spent his whole childhood and the first part of his adult life telling himself no one mattered. But in that instant—when the phone rang and Matt told him his mother was alone and dying-Zack had known the truth. Everything he’d run from caught up wit him right then and there.
The same blood that ran though his veins also ran though his mother’s. She’d given him life. She was the only family he had, and she was important.
No matter how far he ran, how deep he buried the past, he couldn’t change who he was.
He’d never intended to tell any of this to Tegan, figuring it was no one else’s business. But there was something about the way she looked at him, her lips slightly parted, her hand extended toward him on top of the water…
It was her eyes that undid him, though. The hazel flares in the green depths told him he’d touched a note inside her. She cared about him. It had been more years than he could remember since he’d felt a woman’s compassion for him. Why she should, he didn’t have a clue.
Tegan reached for him.
Scooting closer, she placed her small hand on his chest, near where his heart thundered.
No woman had ever reached for him with compassion before, and it stirred a response that was far, far more than physical. It rocked him, seared him, coming from somewhere so deep it might actually have been in his soul…
“I was seventeen when I left, sick of the smell of stale sex and the sound of my mother’s headboard banging against the wall. That day a man—one I’d never seen before—came out of my mom’s room, must have been around noon. He wasn’t anything and he was scratching himself and demanding to know what the hell I was looking at.
“Mom came out of the bedroom, pulling on some clothes. We looked at each other, and I saw she was going to choose that bastard over me, like she had when I was a kid.
“I grabbed a half-empty bottle of rotgut and left. Mom didn’t try and stop me, even though she had to have seen the tears I was fighting to hold back—trying to be a man.”
“You were still a kid then.”
“Yeah. Thought I was grown up, though.”
An owl screeched overhead, diving from a tree.
“I drove around for an hour or two, somehow ended up at Matt’s house. His dad threw me in the shower, his mom fixed me some food. Most of all, they took me in. They made me to go school and church, forced me to do chores. The more I rebelled, the more they made me do.”
“Zack…”
“It was the first time I remember anyone giving half a damn about me and what I did all day. I said I didn’t want them to, but I did. It was the first time in my life I saw what love looked like. If it hadn’t been for the two years I spent there, I don’t think I’ve have believed love even existed.” Even now, he wondered if it was only meant for other people. The first woman he’d offered his heart to had kicked it and taken away the baby he adored. He knew one thing for certain: that sure as hell wasn’t love.
“When I graduated, Mrs. Sanders was in the bleachers, but my own mother wasn’t.”
Zack closed his hand around Tegan’s wrist, holding onto her and the caring that she radiated. “The band got together more often and played more gigs, we eventually hit it off.”
“Then your mom got sick.”
For years, this had been dormant inside, hidden, but not ever forgotten.
“Yeah. She was still in the same trailer, a rundown piece of garbage. I bought a few acres with the money I’d saved, bought a small house and moved my mother in with me.”
“The same place you have now?”
“It was a lot smaller back then. The second story was added. In the six months before she died, I got to know my mother.” His lip curled. “Lived with her seventeen years and never knew her.”
“Did you ever forgive her?”
He looked at Tegan. “I understood her.”
“But did you forgive her?” she pressed.
“I’m short on forgiveness.” He paused.
“But the land helped us both to heal. She’d sit on the patio and stare at the ocean, said she’d never had a view like that before. And for the first time, no one expected anything from her. She had a hard life, but she told me the last few months were the best. I guess we both found peace.”
“She must have been proud of the man you became.”
He quirked a brow.
“I would have been,” Tegan whispered.
A vise clamped around his heart. “Would you?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “You learned what was important, you work hard, have honor and lots of integrity.”
“Even if I’m short on forgiveness?”
“I don’t believe that, Zack.”
His grip on her tightened.
She shook her head, and the moisture rising from the tub made her curls cling to her cheeks. “If our child is half the person you are, I’ll be proud, too.”
Her words meant more to him than he could ever possibly hope to express. They filled a hollow he hadn’t known existed. He kissed her, long and deep, trying to convey what he felt and knowing it fell short. But it was all he had to offer.
He hoped it was enough.
The calmness of the scene should have soothed her. It didn’t. A fraction of an inch at a time, control slipped away.
Above everything else in her life, she cherished being in control She’d fought for the courage to leave Aaron, then she’d struggled through the first few months of freedom as she learned to think for herself and be independent.
Was Zack right? She wondered. Was it possible not to lose herself in him? In bed, she’d let go completely—but so had he.
From her robe pocket, she took out the lucky penny he’d given her. It touched her in a way nothing else ever had. An expensive gift wouldn’t have meant as much to her as this tiny treasure. She’d keep it close, always, as a reminder that he’d thought enough of her to part with his talisman.
Silently Zack came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.
“Can’t sleep?” he asked.
“No.”
“I’d give you a penny for your thoughts, but I’ve already given it to you.”
“I know. It’s in my pocket.”
He kissed the side of her neck with the tenderness of a lover, and she melted against him.
“Do you want to go back to sleep?” he asked.
She turned toward him and placed her hand on his chest. “Did you have anything better in mind?” Even in the dim lighting, she saw his brow arch.
“Are you trying to seduce me, Tegan?”
“I just don’t want to be alone,” she admitted.
He feathered his fingers into her hair. “Want to relax in the hot tub?”
She recalled their first night together, the way they’d talked and laughed. Part of her wanted that again. “Yes.”
“Ever been skinny dipping?”
“I thought you brought my bikini.”
“I like looking at you, all of you.”
She shivered deliciously. “I’m willing to try.”
He loosened the belt holding her robe closed, dropping the ends. The material parted, and cool mountain air caressed her heated skin.
He drew the robe across her shoulders, kissing her body as he bared it. Finally, the thick terry slithered to the floor, leaving her completely naked.
Tegan opened the sliding glass door. Going inside, she was mindful that he stood inside, watching her. White light twinkled on the pine trees, lightening the way.
She reached the water’s edge and the metal railing.
“Wait.”
Looking over her shoulder, she raised a brow.
“I don’t want you to slip.”
“I won’t.”
“I’m not taking chances with your safety.”
With a sigh, she waited, dipping her toe in the warm water. He grabbed a couple of glasses, topped them with their special champagne, then walked across the pool’s flagstone deck.
“I’m not helpless,” she told him, trying not to look at his body—little belly, tapered waist, lean hips and powerful thighs…
“I know.”
“Then—“
“Tegan, let it go,” he said, putting down the glasses and descending into the water.
Because it was easier, she did. He offered his hand and she took it, accepting his guidance as he helped her.
Ruffled by their movements, the water lapped at her, she gratefully sat onto one of the steps, enveloped up to her chin.
She tipped back her head, closing her eyes and enjoying the sensual delight of being naked and aware, under the seemingly endless night sky.
“It’s quiet here,” he said, the husky vibration of his voice touching a chord inside her. “A place a man can feel peace.”
“Is that something you’re searching for?”
He didn’t answer for a long time, so long she wondered if he ever would.
“Didn’t know that till I was nearly twenty-one, but yeah.”
Her heart accelerated. Zack had just opened a window, offering her a glimpse at the emotions he kept locked deep inside.
Would he let her see more? She wondered. Did he trust her enough to allow her to get any closer? “You moved away for a few years.”
Even though her eyes were closed, she felt the deep penetration ofh is stare.
“You seem to know a lot about me.”
She knew he had the devil’s own temper when crossed, that he was fiercely possessive and that he was determined to protect what was his—and that included her. She also knew he could be kind and considerate, putting her needs before his own. “I read Miss Starr’s column,” she said.
“Gossip.”
She ignored the sandpapery warning that told her to back down. “She called you Matt and Brian Haner the Troublesome Trio.”
He didn’t answer.
“Was that true?”
“Possibly.”
“So why did you come home?”
“My mother was dying.”
Bringing her head forward, Tegan looked at him.
From the dim light inside the room, as well as the moon’s glow, she saw the shadows lurking in his eyes.
“Matt called me and told me Mom was alone.”
“After everything you’d been through, you came back to take care of her?”
“She was my mother.”
“Simple as that?”
“Simple as that.”
To him, it was.
He’d spent his whole childhood and the first part of his adult life telling himself no one mattered. But in that instant—when the phone rang and Matt told him his mother was alone and dying-Zack had known the truth. Everything he’d run from caught up wit him right then and there.
The same blood that ran though his veins also ran though his mother’s. She’d given him life. She was the only family he had, and she was important.
No matter how far he ran, how deep he buried the past, he couldn’t change who he was.
He’d never intended to tell any of this to Tegan, figuring it was no one else’s business. But there was something about the way she looked at him, her lips slightly parted, her hand extended toward him on top of the water…
It was her eyes that undid him, though. The hazel flares in the green depths told him he’d touched a note inside her. She cared about him. It had been more years than he could remember since he’d felt a woman’s compassion for him. Why she should, he didn’t have a clue.
Tegan reached for him.
Scooting closer, she placed her small hand on his chest, near where his heart thundered.
No woman had ever reached for him with compassion before, and it stirred a response that was far, far more than physical. It rocked him, seared him, coming from somewhere so deep it might actually have been in his soul…
“I was seventeen when I left, sick of the smell of stale sex and the sound of my mother’s headboard banging against the wall. That day a man—one I’d never seen before—came out of my mom’s room, must have been around noon. He wasn’t anything and he was scratching himself and demanding to know what the hell I was looking at.
“Mom came out of the bedroom, pulling on some clothes. We looked at each other, and I saw she was going to choose that bastard over me, like she had when I was a kid.
“I grabbed a half-empty bottle of rotgut and left. Mom didn’t try and stop me, even though she had to have seen the tears I was fighting to hold back—trying to be a man.”
“You were still a kid then.”
“Yeah. Thought I was grown up, though.”
An owl screeched overhead, diving from a tree.
“I drove around for an hour or two, somehow ended up at Matt’s house. His dad threw me in the shower, his mom fixed me some food. Most of all, they took me in. They made me to go school and church, forced me to do chores. The more I rebelled, the more they made me do.”
“Zack…”
“It was the first time I remember anyone giving half a damn about me and what I did all day. I said I didn’t want them to, but I did. It was the first time in my life I saw what love looked like. If it hadn’t been for the two years I spent there, I don’t think I’ve have believed love even existed.” Even now, he wondered if it was only meant for other people. The first woman he’d offered his heart to had kicked it and taken away the baby he adored. He knew one thing for certain: that sure as hell wasn’t love.
“When I graduated, Mrs. Sanders was in the bleachers, but my own mother wasn’t.”
Zack closed his hand around Tegan’s wrist, holding onto her and the caring that she radiated. “The band got together more often and played more gigs, we eventually hit it off.”
“Then your mom got sick.”
For years, this had been dormant inside, hidden, but not ever forgotten.
“Yeah. She was still in the same trailer, a rundown piece of garbage. I bought a few acres with the money I’d saved, bought a small house and moved my mother in with me.”
“The same place you have now?”
“It was a lot smaller back then. The second story was added. In the six months before she died, I got to know my mother.” His lip curled. “Lived with her seventeen years and never knew her.”
“Did you ever forgive her?”
He looked at Tegan. “I understood her.”
“But did you forgive her?” she pressed.
“I’m short on forgiveness.” He paused.
“But the land helped us both to heal. She’d sit on the patio and stare at the ocean, said she’d never had a view like that before. And for the first time, no one expected anything from her. She had a hard life, but she told me the last few months were the best. I guess we both found peace.”
“She must have been proud of the man you became.”
He quirked a brow.
“I would have been,” Tegan whispered.
A vise clamped around his heart. “Would you?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “You learned what was important, you work hard, have honor and lots of integrity.”
“Even if I’m short on forgiveness?”
“I don’t believe that, Zack.”
His grip on her tightened.
She shook her head, and the moisture rising from the tub made her curls cling to her cheeks. “If our child is half the person you are, I’ll be proud, too.”
Her words meant more to him than he could ever possibly hope to express. They filled a hollow he hadn’t known existed. He kissed her, long and deep, trying to convey what he felt and knowing it fell short. But it was all he had to offer.
He hoped it was enough.