Please Don't Make Me Beg

Li stood in the doorway, arms crossed, lips tight and defiant. "Do you mind telling me what you're doing here? I thought you were pulling out on the bus early this morning! And how the hell did you get here so fast--I was just talking to you!" she hissed.

"You're welcome, Li, it was no trouble at all--glad to bring your phone back to you in person!" he said sarcastically. "You always greet someone who's trying to help you like that?"

"Your kind of help I don't need! It's because of you that my daughter took off with her bags packed this morning!" she spat at him.

"What? Look, let's start over. I found your phone on the bus, and since our next show isn't until two days from now, I thought I'd try to get it back to you. I had actually already found your address stored in the memory, and was trying to find your house when I called you and got my ass chewed out!" His voice rose to a shout, but he held the small silver phone out to her anyway. "Now where's Andi? Why did she run away?"

"Because she thinks I'm a slut. You managed to leave your mark--" she pulled the collar of her robe aside so he could see--"and of course she assumed the same thing I might have if it had been her in my place."

"So she thinks we--"

"Yeah, Sherlock. She thinks we. And now all she can think about is the fact she believes I lied to her about it. That's the one thing she and I never did--no matter what, we were always honest with each other. But because you had to get all macho man, I can't make her believe I didn't sleep with you."

"But you didn't! I mean, we didn't!" he protested.

"Well, try telling her that!" Li said, exasperated.

"You're damn right I will! Do you know where she is?" he demanded.

"What?"

"If she won't believe you, maybe she'll believe me! What possible reason would I have to lie for you?"

She thought about it for a moment, trying to imagine her daughter's reaction. It seemed like the best chance she had to convince Andi that she was telling the truth. After all, if Billie himself backed her up, surely she wouldn't think they were both lying. But to owe him, to be obligated to the man who had caused so much trouble...

"Billie, I don't think it's a good idea for you to try to make up for the mistakes you've made with your own family by coming in here and trying to fix mine." As soon as she had said it, she wished she could bite back the words--they stung far worse than she had meant them to.

Billie's head dropped just a bit, and he closed his eyes as if she had slapped him again. "I guess I might have deserved that," he said softly.

"No, no, I'm sorry. That was a really lousy thing to say, and it was unfair. You came here trying to help, and here I am cutting your balls off."

"Well, if it'll smooth things over between us, I guess you can go ahead and cut 'em off. Just save one for Tre, okay?" His serious tone threw her off for just a second, then his joke caught up with her and teased a tense giggle out of her.

He tilted her chin up to look at him and smiled. It maddened her how much better he could make her feel just with a grin or a wink. She despised being this vulnerable, but damn him, he had her in the palm of his hand.

"Okay, give it a try. I don't think things can get much worse than they are right now. Just, be--be cool, okay? Don't piss her off, please?"

"Leave this to a pro," he said, puffing out his chest.

He dialed Evan's number, waited a moment, and then began to tap his fingers nervously on his studded belt.

"Hello? Yes, I wondered if I could speak to Andi for a second, please. No, this is Billie. Armstrong. Yeah, that one. Yes, for real. Hey--I hate to sound impolite, but I really need to talk to Andi for just a minute, okay? Sure, thanks." He looked over at Li and gave her a thumbs-up.

"Yes, I'm sorry, what was that? I--whoa, wait a minute! What the hell was that for?" He was almost yelling into the phone, stabbing his finger into the air. "Look, I don't know who you are, but... God damn it, he hung up on me, the little son of a bitch! Tell me where he lives so I can go over there and kick his ass for him!"

"Oh yeah, that'll fix everything up proper, won't it? Do you always let your dick do your thinking for you?" she asked, throwing her hands up in frustration.

He slammed the phone back into the base and turned to face her. "Look, at least I'm trying to make this better. I know I messed up, and I'm trying to do something about it. I know you're hurting, and I know how it feels to worry about your kid. Why the fuck are you beating me up when I'm trying my damnedest to help?"

Li took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "Honestly? It's because you've made me want something I can never have, and it hurts like hell."

"What is it that you want? Freedom? Excitement? You can have that, Li. All you have to do is take it!"

"God, you really are a dumb ass, you know it?"

"Why?" He was clearly frustrated, too.

"Don't you know?" she cried, not wanting to admit any more of her secrets to him.

"No, I don't! Tell me, because keeping it inside you is turning you into a complete and total bitch, and that's not who you really are!"

"It's you, you stupid bastard! You've gotten to me just like you've gotten to thousands of girls screaming at you when you're up on stage being a god! Except you let me see another side of you, more than Billie Joe the star. You showed me what an amazing man you can be, and then you played with me, making me let my guard down and then trying to carve another notch in your belt!"

"You think I was fucking playing?? Do you think I'm just trying to keep up some kind of image? Or did you ever stop to think I might actually care about you because you made me feel good? Even when you were screaming Sam's name, cursing him for leaving you alone, all I could think was that I'd die to have someone love me that much! Why would that be so hard to imagine?"

"Because if I did, I'd become someone I couldn't live with. I'd be stabbing Adrienne in the back, and I'd be a whore, just like--" Her voice caught, and she couldn't finish.

"Just like who, Li?" Billie asked, his hands on her shoulders. "Like who?"