Please Don't Make Me Beg

*WARNING--There is some mature content, in case you'd prefer to skip over that part.*

Billie's eyes were searching hers for an answer. "What is it? What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of what I'm feeling for you, Billie. I can't let myself think about you this way. Not matter how good it makes me feel, it's not right."

"What do you feel, Li? I really need to know, because I'm so confused I'm going out of my mind. I spend a night talking to you, one crazy, intense, unforgettable night, and you make me believe I can be the kind of man I want to be. That I might actually have a chance to put my marriage back together. And then for a moment, that nice, dignified mask you wear cracks apart, and behind it I see fire, and passion, and love that tears your soul apart, and all I can think about is that I want those feelings to be for me!"

She took a deep breath, willing herself not to hear what he was saying. "That ring you wear, the one that's been on your finger for twelve years now--why do you still wear it?"

His eyes dropped to his left hand, and his face was an anguish of emotions. "Because I made a promise to be with her forever."

"And did you mean it?"

"With all my heart. But--"

"No buts, Billie. If you promise forever, there's no loopholes. You belong to her, and you belong with her."

"She doesn't feel the same way, don't you understand that?. After you left this morning, I couldn't stop thinking about everything you'd said. I realized that the only way I could make things work with her was to give her everything I have, nothing held back. So I called her, and I told her I'd done some real thinking about us, and that I wanted a chance to prove to her that I understand now what she wants from me."

It sent a needle of pain through her heart to hear it, but she knew he'd done what he should have. "Then why are you talking to me now?" she asked.

"Because after I laid my heart bleeding in her hands, she threw it back in my face! She told me that it was a joke to think that I could smooth talk my way back into her life after the way I'd treated her. She said that she had grown up, but that I was still a boy in a man's body. She needs somebody who can think about someone besides himself, and she knows I'll never be able to do that."

She winced. Adie had struck a body blow, that much was certain.

"That's not even the worst of it!" he said incredulously. "She told me that for the last couple of weeks, she'd been back in touch with her ex-fiance, and that he's decided he wants to give things another try. How's that for commitment?" The pain in his voice might has well have been his heart's blood.

She had no idea what to say, but she felt such incredible sadness for him. Adie was right on one count, of course--in a way, he was still a boy, impulsive and volatile, but she had also seen the depth of his love for his wife and his sons, and she could see that he was much more devoted than Adie was giving him credit for. And now that he finally understood what she needed from him, she had already moved on, had closed her heart to him and turned to someone else.

Someone else?

It stopped her thoughts cold. Maybe that's what she was to Billie, his "someone else" to get back at Adie. Maybe that's the only reason he was here. No, she wouldn't think about it, because it didn't matter. What mattered was that Andi was safe. They had a lot to work out, but at least she knew where she was. And Billie had problems of his own to deal with.

"Then go to her, Billie. If she won't talk to you on the phone, maybe she'll listen to you when you're face to face."

"And what about you?"

"What do you mean? I have nothing to do with this. It's between you and Adie."

"Not anymore," he said, his beautiful green eyes staring straight into her grey ones. "I'm afraid things have gotten a little more complicated. You do remember last night and this morning, don't you?"

"Oh, no you don't. You're not doing this to me. I won't let you use me to get back at her. I'm not going to be a notch in your belt so you can feel like you've evened the score."

"And you call me a dumbass. You're so afraid of doing something you'll feel guilty about, you shut down completely and run away."

"I'm not running, I'm trying to do the right thing!"

"Exactly! And while you're so busy being a good little girl, the woman in you is screaming because she knows she could be happy. She could have this--" His hand snaked behind her head so quickly she barely saw it, and pulled her toward him, his fingers tangled in her tousled hair. There was no time to protest--his lips demanded hers, his body commanded hers, his heat consumed hers so completely she felt she was becoming a part of him.

She twisted her face away from his, breaking the kiss long enough to whisper, "Billie, no..."

"Yes!" he growled against her ear, and her knees went weak because there was no arguing with him now. There was nothing else at all. She had no one to be good for anymore, nothing left to lose. Sam was dead, gone. Andi had left her, assuming the worst about her. There was no one but Billie, just as he'd said in her dream, and he understood her need, her wildness, her passion, because they were so alike.

Fine, then, she decided. Why the hell hold back anymore? This is who she was, and it was what she wanted. Damn the consequences...

Some fierceness rose up in her, something dark and animal that she had never felt before, and all the guilt and hesitation shrank away from it in fear. She could feel her lip curling in a snarl as she grabbed a handful of his hair in one hand, and his belt in the other. His hips slammed against her as she pulled him closer to her. She saw his eyes widen and heard his quick gasp for breath, and she smiled wickedly at him, head tilted to one side.

"Okay, then, have it your way," she whispered. "On second thought, why don't you have it my way..."

"What do you--mmmff" She cut him off before he could finish by pressing her lips hard against his, sucking his bottom lip between her teeth and biting it gently. Her tongue caressed the roof of his mouth, sliding along the velvet softness of his lips. Her hands slid around to his back, tracing the smooth curve of his spine up to his shoulders.

A soft moan vibrated in his chest, and she smiled at his pleasure. Her lips touched his face with soft butterfly kisses, even caressing his closed eyelids gently. She moved her mouth down his neck to his collarbone, tracing the hard ridge with her tongue. His hands pressed her belly flat against him, and she could feel the heat rising in him, the urgency growing as she took his earlobe into her mouth, warming it with her breath and flicking it softly.

His chest was pressed tightly against her breasts, and he could feel them rise and fall as her breathing grew quicker and deeper. He slid one callused hand under her shirt until he found the firm roundness there, and teased the creamy skin with his thumb. Now it was his turn to smile as she tightened her grip on his back, nails digging into his skin.

Suddenly she slid her foot up the outside of his calf, and wrapped her leg behind his knees, pulling, hard. At the same time, her hands pressed his shoulders until he knelt in front of her.

"That's more like it," she crooned, gripping his tie and pulling it toward her. He looked up at her, confused but fascinated, as she lazily unbuttoned her shirt, eyes never leaving his. As her fingers worked their way downward, a slow grin spread across his face, and the corners of his eyes crinkled mischievously.

"So I was right after all," he smiled at her. "This is what was there underneath that southern magnolia nice girl bullshit. I knew you couldn't be as nice as all that."

"Oh, sweetie, you haven't seen anything yet..." she said, and the shirt she was wearing slithered to the floor. "You better hang on tight, 'cause it's about to get hot as hell in here!"

He threw back his head and laughed with delight.