Please Don't Make Me Beg

Exhaustion carries with it a kind of intoxication, and Li was almost incoherent with it. As the BMW slithered through the highway traffic, her head rested in her hand, the warm wind tossing her hair and carrying with it the scent of charcoal burning somewhere. Out here, away from the white coats and disinfectant, it seemed as if life could be normal again, could be easy and free, as it had been forever ago. She closed her eyes and willed her mind to slow down, let go. For now, they had done all they could do.

Billie drove quietly, one hand draped over the wheel. From time to time he glanced over at her, his eyes lingering over the sheen of the moonlight on her dark hair. His feet moved easily in the familiar motions of clutching and shifting gears, and the smooth purring of the engine calmed him and helped him think.

They were northbound, heading back toward Berkeley, but not on the familiar route to home that he had taken for so long. They were going back to collect Andi's things from the hotel, and then he had reserved a room further from the university, where they could be more comfortable. Hotels had become a second life for him on the road, so it surprised him to find a tiny flutter of nerves at the thought of checking in tonight with Li. He felt like an excited, anxious teenager again, in spite of all the worries the day had brought with it. Maybe they could shut out the world, just for a little while, and just be themselves.

"You doing okay?" he finally asked, his hand covering hers. He had half expected her to startle at his touch, but she turned smoothly toward him and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm okay. It helps not to think too hard about anything. How about you?" She squeezed his hand affectionately.

"I've got you with me, don't I?" How she loved that roguish grin, the one that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. Impulsively, she leaned toward him, resting her head on his shoulder and curling her hand around his arm.

Billie's heart beat just a little faster at her touch, loving the ease between them. His eyes left the road only for a second, so he could kiss the top of her head gently.

"Everything's okay," he whispered to her. "Andi is safe with Adie, and Dan has his father there with him. All you need to do now is relax and let me take care of you."

There was no protest this time, only a soft murmur against his neck. He smiled again, thinking that he could go on driving like this all night as long as he could feel her close to him.

They stopped only for a few minutes to gather Andi's belongings, and Li paid the bill for her room and for Dan's, adding another two days to allow his father plenty of time to pick up his bags.

By midnight, they were standing at the door of the suite Billie had reserved for them, and when he opened the door and bowed, motioning her inside, her eyes went wide. The room was beautiful, furnished in light-colored woods and creamy leather, and a fire burned cozily in the sitting room fireplace. On the coffee table sat a vase of stargazer lilies, and a bottle of wine was chilling in a bucket of ice beside two cobalt-blue glasses. The door snicked shut behind her, and she turned to him in disbelief.

"You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble, Billie--all we needed was a place to sleep!" she said, folding her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek softly. Pulling back, she held his face in her hands and gazed up into his eyes, shivering inside at the green fire in them.

"Don't you know by now there's nothing I wouldn't do for you?" he asked, one finger tracing the line along her jaw and brushing her lips like a whisper. "I just want to see you happy,
nothing more. Please let me do that for you."

His hand found a small remote on the table by the door, and he pulled her close, wrapping an arm around her waist. As the music began to play, she sank against him, feeling somehow safer than she had in a long time.

"...Something in the way she moves,
Attracts me like no other lover..."

He sang along, his lips brushing her ear. The mellow guitar melody swirled through the room, and his voice, smooth as cognac, made her knees feel weak. She held him tighter,
her body swaying with his, and raising her face to his, she realized she was drowning in the emerald of his eyes, captivated by the softness of his lips, the curve of his mouth. He was magic, able to conjure fire and lightning, bewitching her with that inimitable voice.

"You're asking me, will my love grow.
I don't know, I don't know..."

She couldn't be sure if the staccato thudding was the beat of the drums or her own heart. His powerful arms guided her effortlessly as they moved closer to the warmth of the fire, its glow turning their skin to gold.

"..Something in the way she knows,
And all I have to do is think of her.."

Her fingers slid up his neck to lace through his hair, and she closed her eyes as her head tilted back, her hair falling loose and wind-blown over her shoulders. She was completely lost in the moment, in the music and his embrace, and as he watched her, the worry slowly melted from her face, leaving only her untamed spirit and passion. He could feel her warmth under his hands, her fierce heartbeat against his chest. She was an open book to him now, trusting him with everything, her body, her mind, her very soul.

He pressed his cheek against the silk of her hair, breathing in the sweet scent, nuzzling against her contentedly. The skin at the small of her back was as soft as rose petals, and his fingers grazed her lightly, trailing down her spine.

"Billie?" Her voice was small and faraway in his ear.

"Hmmmm?" he mumbled, swaying from side to side, her body clasped close to him.

"Billie, the music has stopped."

"Mmmhmmm...."

"We're still dancing."

"Yes, we are, aren't we?"

She laid her head against his chest, hearing the soft lub-dubbing of his heart. "Yeah, we are," she sighed.

And the flickering fire threw their shadows against the wall, locked together, moving as one to music that only they could hear...

The wine bottle sat empty now, and the fire had died to glowing embers. There was the scent of almond in the air from the oil he had used to massage her tired shoulders. Now Billie lay stretched out on the sofa, Li's body alongside his and her arms wrapped around him. He could hear her steady breathing, warm on his chest, and as he gazed out the window at the familiar lights of Berkeley, he wondered for a moment how Adrienne was. He hoped she would be happy, that she would find what she wanted in her life. The best that could happen was that she would be as content as he felt right now, stroking Li's raven hair, her leg draped over his. It was strange to feel no guilt, but he found that he was at peace, completely.

Li stirred beside him, sighing softly, and he realized that the wine had once again gotten the best of her. He, too, felt the strain of the last few days, and his eyelids were growing heavy. Reluctant to disturb her, but knowing how desperately she needed to sleep through the night (something she hadn't done in a while), he began to rub her back very gently, kissing her forehead as she snuggled closer to him.

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty," he whispered, patting her shoulder. Her eyes drifted open, and when she looked up at him, a joyous smile lit up her face.

"I was dreaming of you," she said, her voice husky. "And I thought when I opened my eyes, you'd just be a wonderful dream that disappeared. But you're still here." She hugged him tightly, as if she still thought he might vanish.

"Where would I go?" he chuckled. "Mike hates houseguests, and Tre stays up all night eating pancakes and watching the shopping channels."

"Lucky me, then." She untangled her arms and legs from around him and he stood, stretching luxuriously. Then he bent toward her, scooping her up in his powerful arms, and carried her toward the bedroom.

He set her tenderly down on the huge bed, smoothing the hair back from her forehead. She was almost asleep again before she slipped out of her clothes and felt him slide beneath the sweet-smelling sheets beside her. Once more, he pulled her toward him, amazed at how perfectly her head fit the hollow of his shoulder. Their limbs twined like ivy, and her breathing became slow and even.

"Li?" he barely whispered, knowing there would be no answer. He wanted it that way, just for now.

"I have something to tell you tomorrow. And when I do, I hope you'll understand, because I couldn't stand to do anything that might make me lose you. Sweet dreams, angel."

In the stillness, holding her close, he realized that for the first time in ages, he was home.