You Don't Know A Thing About My Sins

*Charlie’s POV*

I looked at the flashing numbers on the clock before getting out of bed and walking over to my cell phone.

Yeah I call it a cell now; me and Mark have the American accents with the New Jersey twang too.

Gerard’s been calling practically non-stop for five months now.

I haven’t answered one call yet but I know I have to answer this one, just to tell him to fuck off.

“Gerard, it’s four in the god damn morning stop fucking call me!” I shouted into the receiver before hanging up.

I thought that would stop him but no such luck, he called again.

“What Gerard, what is it you want? Huh?” I snapped down the phone.

“I want to explain myself to you; none of what Matt told you is true Charlie! He lied to you cause-” he started

I cut him off not wanting to hear this.

“I don’t want to hear you’re lies Gerard, I’ve had enough of them for three years thanks, why can’t you just leave me alone? Don’t you get it?! I left New Jersey to get away from you! I abandoned my friends, parents and my life just to get away from you. So stop god damn calling me! You know I’m gonna change my cell number soon if you don’t!” I warned him.

Ok so that was a lie, I have no intention of changing it because for some reason, I want him to be able to reach me.

“Charlie, please just listen to me please?” he begged down the phone.

I couldn’t see him but I could tell he was gonna start crying soon.

“Gerard what part of its four am didn’t get through?” I sighed.

“I know it’s late….early….what ever, but please just let me explain?” he begged.

“You got five minutes, after that, or if I find even the slightest hint that you bullshitting me, I’m hanging up!” I snapped.

“Alright, I won’t bullshit you I promise...” he rambled.

“Five minutes!” I said firmly.

“Ok, ok sorry, well Matt lied to you; he told you I was cheating when I wasn’t because he had a crush on me!” he rushed out.

“He what?!”

“Yeah I know I couldn’t believe it either but that’s what he said, he said he thought if he could get you and I to break up he could get me to fall in love with him. We kicked him out of the band because of it Charlie, you have to believe me!” he pleaded.

“I don’t have to do anything Gerard because I saw you with that blonde bimbo!! You came to the movies with her on my extra shift! You didn’t know I was working then and you thought you’d be safe! You know I didn’t leave straight after Matt told me you were cheating? I didn’t believe him, but then you went and fucking proved it!” I snapped.

“Blonde bimbo…..when?” he questioned.

“Oh so you don’t deny it!” I practically cried.

“No Charlie! Wait don’t hang up! Listen, the only blonde girl I’ve taken to the movies since I met you was my cousin!” he explained.

I could tell he was telling the truth, I could hear it in his voice.

But the thing is it’s less painful to believe he cheated.

I’m a coward; I don’t want to face up to the fact that I caused loads of people pain for no reason.

I’m a coward, a stupid, selfish, bitchy, coward.

“And I’m supposed to believe that?!” I asked sarcastically, even though I did.

“Yes Charlie, because it’s the truth! Please let me see you, and then I can prove I’m not lying!” he begged.

I hesitated for a moment before answering “forget it Gerard” I sighed hanging up and switching my cell off.

Am I a bitch?

Yes.

I’m going to burn in hell for what I’m doing.

And quite frankly I deserve to.