A Note for My Head Asking What My Heart Said

Much to Zel’s surprise, nearly a week passed and nobody seemed to suspect about her and Zack. It was far from easy, considering nearly all the time she wasn’t at work was spent surrounded by the guys and Naomi; a few times some people were missing, but that only made things more difficult. Every time Zel would look at Zack, he’d be looking at her—and vise versa—and she’d remember what he tasted like. And vise versa.

For this reason Zack stayed later than everyone else at Zel’s house when they hung out. Alex would stick around for a long time, wishing that Zack would just go home so he and Zel could be alone, but more than once he gave up, settling for an overly passionate kiss at the door. And somehow every time the door shut, Zack and Zel would end up in her bed.

A few times it was Alex and Zel who ended up alone, and she could tell he wanted nothing more than to get her pants off. She figured that she would be more comfortable, since she’d now done it before—several times—but every time they got close, Zel would look at Alex and be swallowed by guilt.

“Zack, we can’t keep doing this,” she breathed, clutching his shoulder. They were supposedly in his kitchen checking on cookies while everyone else was out getting pizza and other assorted necessaries for a mini-party. In actuality he had her pressed against the counter with a hand on her ass.

Zack pulled away from her neck enough to look her in the eye. “I know,” he sighed.

“This is wrong.”

“Right.”

“This has to stop happening.”

“Definitely.”

Zel tugged his head, smashing their lips together so fiercely that Zack had to steady himself on the counter behind her. They both jumped when the front door opened, admitting their returning friends, and they quickly got as far from each other as possible; Zel threw her messy hair back into a ponytail as she went to the oven, while Zack hopped onto the table.

Thus everything was normal when Alex and Rian strolled in with pizza boxes, followed by Jack and Naomi with drinks and other snacks. “Hey, guys,” Rian greeted, dropping everything on the table beside Zack. “Anything interesting happen while we were gone?”

“Nope,” Zack said shortly, swinging his feet and trying not to watch Zel pull the piping hot sheet out of the oven.

“What’s up with your hair?” Jack asked, tilting his head at him. “It’s more weird than usual.” Zack put a hand to his head and tried to flatten his hair, which was sticking straight up.

“While you were gone, we had sex on the floor,” Zel replied casually. “Like we said, nothing unusual.” Zack’s eyes widened slightly while everyone else snickered. Zel grinned. “I’m a hairstylist; I’m good at messing up hair.”

Alex smirked. “Yeah, you are.” She laughed and pecked him on the lips in passing to the living room. Zack glowered darkly at Alex and grabbed a soda before following the girls to help pick a movie.

Zack had never really been jealous of Alex; sure, all the fangirls screamed his name and wanted to have his children, but Zack knew Alex well enough to know he was far from perfect. But now he had something he was sure he couldn’t go without.

He thought about the situation all day, agonising over every tiny detail he could come up with. He tried to distract himself, but the thoughts kept crawling into his head, and Zack found himself on his couch, staring at the television emptily, his knee jostling nervously. Mind strangely blank, he got to his feet and, only pausing to grab his keys, headed out the door.

Once Zack reached Alex’s house, he sat in the car, not moving, for the better part of fifteen minutes. Thinking about this rationally, this was a really bad idea, but he couldn’t take the guilt anymore, especially when Alex would talk about her.

Before he could even raise his hand to knock, the door jerked open and slammed against the inner wall. Zel’s face was completely emotionless, except for one betraying factor. Her eyes, which never even landed on Zack as she walked out of the house, were glassy. He watched her stride to her car, moving no faster than normal, and he wondered why he hadn’t noticed it sitting there before. Hesitantly Zack entered through the door, looking around as not to be caught by surprise.

Alex was sitting on the couch, head in his hands. Zack paused, having second thoughts. He was already so far out there; Zack had expected would just get angry, not depressed. And Alex did not suffer angry quietly.

Zack cleared his throat quietly to announce his presence and Alex’s head shot up. Tense silence stretched between them as they stared at each other, neither moving.

Ten minutes later Alex and Zack were in the basement, playing Mortal Kombat. Alex had his head leaned back to keep the ice pack from sliding and Zack kept tonguing his split lip. “Why the fuck did you hit me so hard?” Alex muttered, letting the bag slide off his face. “I’m gonna have a black eye.”

“I’m sure all your fangirls will still find you pretty, regardless,” Zack replied, staring at the screen. Alex gave him a dirty look, made all the worse by the growing dark bruise around his left eye. Zack rolled his eyes, grinning wryly. “Well, I wouldn’t have if you’ve stopped fucking hitting me.”

“You fuck my girlfriend. I get pissed off. Course I’m gonna hit you.”

“Your girlfriend,” Zack repeated musingly. “She didn’t seem to know what the two of you were.”

Alex sighed and let his controller slide from his hand as the menu came up. “Yeah, I know,” he replied wearily. “Which is part of the problem.” He ran a hand over his face and looked at his friend. “Everything’s kind of fucked.”

“Kind of,” Zack agreed, nodding.

An hour earlier Zel had been in the same position as Zack: worried frantic about the situation she’d created. She knew it was her fault. Unlike her secret liaison, she was at work. She scarcely spoke at her customers who, wrapped up in their own stories, didn’t seem to notice; Naomi and her boss, however, did.

“You feelin’ okay, honey?” Loretta asked as Zel washed her hands. She put on a smile and nodded; the older woman seemed unconvinced.

Unlike Zack, Zel’s actions were far from impulsive; she’d been planning to tell Alex from the beginning. She just wasn’t sure how and when to do it. With every time she and Zack ended up together, though, the need became greater.

Zel knew he would be furious and disappointed, or some variation thereon. She knew he would want her to get out, maybe to never talk to him again. Maybe he would make her choose.

She also knew that she couldn’t even begin to decide.

She worked through her break, lost in thought, and it wasn’t until Naomi asked where she wanted to go for lunch that Zel even realised what time it was. “Actually, I have something I need to do,” she said softly. Naomi looked confused and watched her friend go to their boss. “I apologise in advance if I’m a bit late. I have to go meet someone.”

Loretta smiled. “Sure, Zel. New boyfriend?”

Zel’s impassive mask didn’t twitch. “Something like that.”

Her knuckles were white as Zel clutched the steering wheel of her car. Her throat was dry, and she’d been sitting in front of Alex’s house for ten minutes, staring out the windshield. She didn’t want to do this; she had thought of dozens of outcomes, and none of them were pleasant.

Zel tugged her coat closer after she rang the doorbell; she glanced at the sky, wondering when that storm would hit. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow. Much too soon.

A smile spread across Alex’s face when he opened the door. “Hey, babe,” he greeted. “I thought you had work.”

Zel gave a weak, sad smile. “Lunch break,” she explained, stepping past him into the warm living room.

She squeaked when he caught her by the waist and pulled her close. “You’d spend your lunch break with me?” he asked with a grin. Alex kissed her lips softly, and Zel felt her stomach drop.

“I have to tell you something.” His expression turned curious at her solemnity. She licked her lips. “Maybe you should sit down.” Alex narrowed his eyes slightly; Zel was being much too serious for his liking. He sat down slowly, and when she didn’t, Alex become more nervous and pulled her down beside him.

Zel folded her hands in her lap, not looking at him as she readied herself. She cleared her throat, lifted her head, and shut her eyes. “I slept with Zack,” Zel said quietly. “The night after my birthday.” Alex blinked a few times, stunned, but said nothing. Taking a deep breath, she continued slowly, “The first time… was simply terrible judgment. But somehow it just kept happening, and I couldn’t stop it.” She swallowed, trying to unfurrow her brow. “It was completely my fault—Zack didn’t want anything to do with it… I—I’m sorry, Alex—”

Alex stood from the couch and took a few steps away, running a hand over his head. Zel sat silently, staring at her hand and wondering, This is better than having the guilt hanging over my head? He turned around and stared at her, this girl hethought he was in love with had devoted his attention to.

“Get out.”

Her head shot up, eyes meeting his. “…What?” she whispered.

“Get out!” Alex demanded, voice raising.

Zel got to her feet, squinting at him in perplexity. “That—that’s it? No why or ‘how could you’?”

“I fucking know how you could! Obviously I was wrong in thinking we had something! Obviously you were just lying to… fuck, I don’t know what bullshit you girls come up with! Not hurt my feelings or something!”

“That’s not it at all!” she snapped, a tad incredulously. “I don’t even know what we have, because I can’t tell if I’m just a way to get off or if I actually mean something to you!”

She had never Alex so angry. The hate on his face scared her more than his yelling, and his yelling petrified her. “Not anymore you don’t!” Alex yelled, shaking his head. “Why would I waste my time on someone who snakes me and sleeps with my best friend?!”

“You know why I slept with Zack?” Zel screamed, green eyes darkly fixed on him. “Because you weren’t there for me, Alex! I almost got raped and I needed someone to make me feel safe, and you didn’t pick up your goddamn phone!”

Alex gaped, expression blank. Zel… hadn’t told him; they’d had so much time together during that week, and she hadn’t said a word. She pressed her lips together, willing herself to keep steady; Alex wasn’t worth crying over. “And if you won’t be there for me in extremes like that… then I evidently don’t mean anything to you, and I’ll gladly get out.”

Without another moment’s pause, Zel strode for the front door, slamming it open. Her eyes nearly spilled over when she saw Zack standing on the porch, with the same intent as she’d had, but she didn’t pause. She walked straight to her car and drove back to the salon; once she rounded the corner from Alex’s house, her tears escaped in heavy streams.

“I messed up,” she whispered to the windshield. “I wasn’t supposed to love you.”

“You’re ten minutes late,” Naomi said helpfully, without looking up from the computer, “Where’d you go, Cockeysville? Anyway, you’ve got an appointment.”

Loretta gawped at her youngest employee. “Child, what’d that boy do to you?” she demanded, walking away from her current customer in concern. Naomi blinked, turning around, and her jaw fell open when she caught site of Zel’s face; her cheeks were pink, eyes cloudy with hastily rubbed away tears and bleeding mascara.

Zel unnecessarily brushed a piece of hair off her shoulder, though not her bangs falling over her eyes. “Nothing,” she replied in a straight tone. “It’s… not important.”

Naomi watched her friend go into the back to clean up and darted a look at their boss before getting up from her desk, careful to hide her xylophone, andsprinting walking after her. Zel didn’t jump when she brought the towel down from her face and she found Naomi staring at her intently. “You did go see Alex.” Zel nodded, tying her hair back. “What really happened?”

“I told you,” she replied patiently. “Nothing.” Naomi leered suspiciously after her as she returned to the front, and slide her phone from her pocket. I think Alex cheated on Zel, she texted quickly before slipping it back and returning to her post.

A reply came back a few minutes later. What? Noway

She jst came back 2 work w/ her makeup all messed up.

But hes crazy about her. Literally crazy.

I kno I know. Mayb ill txt Rian n see what he thinks.

But even before Naomi got the chance to text Rian, because a group of girls came in wanting haircuts, Jack contacted his friend and explained what he knew of the situation. Which admittedly was little, but every little bit helped.

Rian, reading that, became righteously infuriated and went over to Alex’s house. He didn’t knock at the front door, because somewhere along the way it was decided it was unnecessary, and walked right down to the basement. “What the fuck, Alex?” he demanded as angrily as he could.

Alex and Zack, having moved on from Mortal Kombat to Super Smash Brothers, jumped, not having heard him come in. “I didn’t do it!” Alex blurted. He breathed a sigh of relief when he realised it was his drummer. “Oh, hey, man.”

“Why did Jack just text me saying that you cheated on Zel?” Rian asked, not taking a seat.

Zack looked up, confused. “What?”

“Apparently he heard from Naomi that Zel came here earlier and came back in pieces. What did you do?”

“You’ve got it wrong, dude,” Alex explained, feeling his stomach ache. Fuck, news got around fast, even if it was the wrong news. “It wasn’t me. It was Zack.”

Rian’s brow furrowed as he stared at the two of them. “…Zack cheated on Zel? I’m confused.”

“No,” Zack said calmly, focused on kicking Alex’s ass at video games, “Zel cheated on Alex.”

This confused Rian even more. Zel was too moral to do that. Or at least, the Zel he knew was; maybe she had drastically changed… in the last two weeks. “Oh. Shit.” He watched them play for a few moments, still standing, before turning back. “But wait, what’s that gotta do with y—oooh.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Yeah.”

Silence.

Rian sat down in a chair. “That explains the black eye.”

“Hey, Rian?”

“Yeah, Alex.”

“Shut up.”