A Note for My Head Asking What My Heart Said

Much to Zel’s annoyance—and surprise, but mostly annoyance—Alex Gaskarth came back to Monday’s the next week. Ashley the bouncer asked her, as they watched him take a table suspiciously safely away from the bar, if she wanted him to rough him up, but she sighed and said that he hadn’t done anything. “Yet,” she muttered as Ashley walked away. Alex caught her gaze and winked.

He played nice. He didn’t bother Zel too terribly—aside from consistently, almost flippantly, asking her out once every time he saw her. And Alex saw her a lot; he’d done a bit of sleuthing (shaking the info out of his band mates) to find out where else she worked and when, just so he could “coincidentally” run into her and ask her out.

Zel groaned as she walked in from the back at the beginning of her shift at the diner, only to spy a head of messy brown hair covered by a beanie in her section and, naturally, the skinny musician attached to it. “He’s been here for twenty minutes,” Adam informed her conspiratorially, as he passed with a tray of plates. “He came in and asked for a table in your section, and he wouldn’t order anything from anyone else.”

She sighed and walked over to him, momentarily ignoring the rest of her section. “Alex, what are you doing here?” she asked in exasperation. “I don’t have time for--”

“Hello, waitress,” he said, friendly, hands folded on his menu. “I would like a chocolate milkshake.”

Zel eyed him suspiciously, one hand on her hip, before asking wryly, “Do you even have any money, Stalker Boy?”

“Kolston!”

She cringed as she heard Mr. Thurston yell and frowned at Alex. “You’re just lucky I need this job,” she muttered, snapping his menu from under his hands.

When she wasn’t helping other tables, Zel shot glances over at Alex. She wondered why he was so persistent, what he found in her so interesting to bother her all the time, why he didn’t find a girl who was interested in him; she knew there were plenty, as Rian regaled her with stories from tour.

Then she asked herself why she was bothering to think about it. She didn’t care if he was into her.

She couldn’t care. She had her family to take care of, and supporting three people with three separate jobs didn’t leave time for much of anything or anyone.

Zel shouldn’t have cared.

Somehow Alex made two milkshakes last an hour and a half; he just kept sitting at the table, occasionally looking over at his brunette waitress as he thought. Eventually, as he was staring into the bottom of his tall glass, Zel realised she had no other customers besides Alex, which usually meant she would take a break. But something compelled her.

“Maybe it’ll do a trick,” she mused, smiling wryly at him. His head snapped up, and after a moment he smiled that same charming smile. Zel could only sigh again. “Alex, why do you keep following me?”

“Because you don’t want me to,” he replied candidly, “And I can’t see any real reason why.” She stared at him incredulously a moment before shaking her head and brushing her bangs out of her eyes. “Also I want to know you.”

“In the Biblical sense, I’m sure.” Zel had also heard about all the... personal antics Alex had a tendency to participate in. But her biting remark was just a defence to push him away farther. And the few friends she had kept telling her she had to stop that. “Look... it’s not you, alright? Well... it is you—you’re an annoying little bugger—but it’s mostly me.”

Alex laughed. “Did you seriously just give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ excuse?” he asked, grinning at her. “That’s the biggest load of bullshit ever! Do you do this to all your customers or am I the millionth person and win a personal berating from you?”

Apparently Thurston mistook Alex’s loud sarcastic remark seriously and galumphed his way from behind the counter. “Kolston!” he yelped, waddling towards the booth. Zel winced as she stood very, very still. She couldn’t be in trouble; she hadn’t done anything! Thurston glowered at his employee and smiled a snaggle-tooth grimace at the young customer. “Sir, I hope this young lady hasn’t been hastling you,” he oozed.

Alex raised an eyebrow at him sceptically. Is this freak for real? he wondered. “Uh...”

“Please! I insist that your meal will be paid out of her pay check!”

Zel spun to gape at the man. “But Mr. Thurston—” she protested.

“That’s enough now, Mary-Zella,” Thurston said with a condescending, chiding tone. Zel’s face burned crimson in anger. She was not a child! And that was not her fucking name! “We have to take responsibility for our actions. You should have gone to college and learned that.” Toddling in a circle, he patted her on her butt and made his way into the back.

Alex, seeing this, shot up out of his chair. “Hey!” he shouted after the man. The diner fell silent as Thurston stopped. “You don’t fucking touch her!”

Horrified, Zel stared wide-eyed into Alex’s shoulder. “Alex, don’t,” she whispered desperately. “Please. I need this job...”

“No, you don’t,” Alex snapped, glaring daggers at Thurston. “You don’t need a job in a shithole like this where dirty fucks like him sexually harass you. Go get your stuff.” Shaking, Zel turned and stumbled into the employee lounge, scrambling for her bag. Alex, meanwhile, stalked over to the manager, with the whole restaurant watching and towered over the flabby man. “If I ever hear about you treating your employees like that again, you’ll have a lawsuit on your hands so fast your head will spin.”

He glanced up at Zel, peeking out from the kitchen, and nodded when she mouthed ‘back door’. Alex shoved his bill at the man and, turning on a heel strode out of the diner, leaving the silence of stunned patrons. Adam, sitting at the cash register, snickered and put on an innocent face when Thurston spun to glare around.

Out in the parking lot, Alex caught sight of Zel a few yards before she reached her car and jogged after her. “You’re welcome,” he said pointedly, following her a step behind.

She stopped short next to her trunk and whirled around, starting back when she realised he was right behind her. Green eyes burning, she snapped, “For what? Losing me my job? Embarrassing me at work in front of a crowd of people? Oh, yeah! Thanks a whole bunch!”

“I just did you a favour!” Alex said incredulously. “That guy was a total perv! That job was crap!”

“You think I don’t know that? I’ve been working there since junior year! Five minutes with Thurston tells you he’s a creep!” Zel opened her door, threw her bag in, and stared Alex down. “Do me a favour, Gaskarth? Don’t do me any more favours.” She swung into her seat and slammed the door so hard the windows rattled. All her actions for starting the car were violent and rushed, wanting to get away from work, from Thurston, from Alex as fast as possible.

“Come on,” she whispered as the engine whined. “Please don’t do this to me now.” Alex simply stood beside the driver’s side window with his arms crossed, watching her. He couldn’t even begin to understand why she was angry; the whole situation had no good things for her. Unless it was just because she didn’t like him. But that was just impossible.

Finally the car started and Zel sped out of the parking lot, subconsciously careful not to run over Alex’s toes, and he stayed in his place, looking after her. There had to be a key to figuring this girl out. He just had to find it.

Obviously since she wasn’t going back to work, Zel drove home and as she slowed at a light, the full reality of the situation hit her. Sure, the diner didn’t bring in an exorbitant amount of income, but every little bit helped. Now that was gone, and she was barely scraping by as it was. Her throat tightened, her hands tightened on the wheel, and her eyes sprung up.

“Oh god,” she moaned, head falling. Tears slid down her whitening knuckles. “I’m going to lose the house and lose Lu and lose Ania... I’m going to lose everything...” The car behind her honked. “Vai al diavolo!!” she screamed, but realised that she did need to keep driving, and eventually—after several stops to recollect herself—managed to get home.

A few days later, she brought her younger sister to attend their brother’s hockey game near her old high school. Luciano’s hockey games were Zel’s chance to relax; there were no people she knew around, nobody tried to talk to her. She didn’t have to impress anyone.

She smiled watching Stephania hopping and skipping down the steps of the stands. Her smile slowly slipped, however, as she spotted a lounging figure across at least three seats down the rows that she hadn’t noticed before, and her temper flared. “Sequiri mi,” she said, taking her sister’s hand.

Zel had to refrain from dragging the six year-old, since really what she wanted to do was haul off and slap the young man she was heading towards. “You really don’t give up, do you,” she asked coldly. Alex started out of his trance and blinked up at her. “I mean, you’ve done so much for me already.”

His mouth worked for a moment as he stared up at her stony expression. Behind her veiled eyes, she was studying him. Alex looked different: his hair wasn’t perfectly straightened, he had ditched the really tight pants for looser, worn-in, more ripped at the knee jeans, and was wearing a sweater. Not a hoodie. A dark grey knitted sweater. “I swear I didn’t know you were here,” he insisted earnestly. “I just got bored and ended up coming by my old high school. I saw the cars over here and decided to come in.” Alex licked his lips. “I’m really sorry about your—”

“No.” He frowned curiously. No? Zel’s eyes travelled to the child beside her, still holding her big sister’s hand and staring with interest at Alex. After a moment, he understood; she didn’t want her sister to know.

Alex smiled a friendly smile at the girl. “Hi, my name’s Alex. Are you Zel’s sister?” Stephania nodded, grip tightening on her sister’s fingers. “What’s your name?”

“Stephania. Your hair’s funny,” she stated, innocently. He blinked in surprise at the honest of the statement. Stephania looked up at Zel. “Can I go down to the window?”

Zel nodded and watched as she carefully climbed down the stands to the rink. “Cute kid,” Alex chuckled. “Honest, too. My hair is pretty damn weird.” The eldest Kolston turned back to him, heart sinking; she’d give anything to have her sister’s outlook on life. He sighed. “I’m sorry I pissed you off. I didn’t know it meant that much to you.”

“It’s not about the job.” She crossed her arms and gazed out onto the rink, eyes falling on Luciano, all hidden in his goalie pads. “I’ll admit, I’m glad I never have to work for the bastard again. And the pay was awful. And the conditions and hours were definitely not up to snuff...”

Alex smiled. “Was there a good part of that job?” he asked. Zel stifled her smile as she swung her gaze down. He gestured to the space beside him. “You can sit... if you want.” She studied him for another moment before sinking to the seat beside him; the two sat awkwardly—well, Zel sat awkwardly; Alex looked relaxed as a first-timer to Jamaica—in silence for a few minutes. “So what brings you here?”

Zel hesitated, eyes fixed on Luciano. “The goalie of the yellow team,” she began softly, “That’s my brother.”

“He’s pretty good,” Alex complimented after a moment. “I mean, I dunno a lot about hockey, but the other team hasn’t scored, so I’m guessing that makes him a good goalie.”

She chuckled softly. “By definition.” After a few more minutes of silence, Zel looked over at Alex. He seemed... like a real person and not an arrogant rock star. “I... I’m sorry I yelled at you in the parking lot.”

“Nothing to apologise for,” he said with a shrug. “Really. It’s my fault.” Alex glanced at her, brown eyes smiling. “I want to make it up to you somehow.”

“And you were doing so well.”

He laughed, ruffling up his hair. “Well, if you want to take that as an invitation for a date, go ahead, but I was thinking more like helping you find another job.”

She leaned her chin into her hand, gaze flicking between her two siblings. “I’ll just pick up more hours at the salon. Pays better anyway.”

Alex sat up, straightened his sweater, and kept his eyes safely on the game. “I’d still like to help you out,” he asserted quietly. “With... whatever.” Zel blinked at the honest tone of his voice; it was almost... sweet and completely unlike the pushiness of how he asked her out. This seemed genuinely sincere with no other motive.

When she didn’t reply for a long time, Alex began to get anxious. Was she even angrier with him, so much that she couldn’t speak? He really shouldn’t have pushed his luck so far. He was surprised he’d lasted this long without Zel lashing out at him, thought he had to admit he deserved it. But somehow she always kept her cool, something that Alex wanted to delve into.

“Alright.” Now it was Alex’s turn to stare. Just like that? he thought to himself. Zel smiled ever so slightly before looking out at the game. “I’ll give you one chance.” Brown eyes traced her profile before similarly focusing on the game. Then the pair simply sat and watched, both rapt in their own minds.