Underneath It All

If I thought preparing a dinner in a limited amount of time was a difficult task, I was wrong. All morning I spent wondering what I should wear and if it looked as if I put a lot of thought into my attire. I didn't want anyone thinking I spent more than five minutes picking out my clothes for the day. I was in no mood for being criticized anymore even though my overall mood had increasingly changed since last night. I especially couldn’t stand any more of Joe’s criticisms. I didn’t go around making fun of him for having a crush on a girl that would never be interested in him.

Not only did I wake up a little too early this morning, I also had to find someone that was willing to take me to the store once again. Finally after slightly begging to my parents, my dad caved in and took me to the nearby grocery store.

I could have easily gone alone, but they were worried about my safety. I don’t think they have anything to worry about anymore, it’s not like I have very many fans anymore. I was a jerk to most of them at meet and greets and I barely acted lively at the concerts. I don’t blame any of them for not liking me anymore.

Rushing between aisles, I found exactly what I needed and paid for it in a rush. It was already nearing 11:30 and Frankie will most likely throw a fit if we didn’t leave on time. As much as I wanted to be at Lilly’s doorstep at exactly 12:00, I didn’t want to seem desperate or clingy by arriving too early. Frankie was just going to have to deal with being a few minutes late.

Noon rolled around and Frankie was starting to get antsy, which made me anxious. I couldn’t pinpoint if I was getting anxious because Lilly was being nice to me and admitted her feelings or because we were going to be somewhat alone together once again. Now that I think about it, I’m glad Frankie will be there and most of her attention will be on him.

“Nick, can we go now?” Frankie asked. He tugged on the end of my shirt looking up at me.

“Wait a minute,” I said. I was staring down at the cardboard box that was sitting on the coffee table.

“It’s noon though,” he complained once more.

“My foot fell asleep,” I lied as I continued to stand in the same spot. Frankie groaned out loud and stomped his way to the front door. I heard him mutter something but ignored his comments. He’s going to have to learn more about being patient. I picked up the small box sitting on the table and walked towards the open front door.

“Frankie, can you close the door?” I asked politely to Frankie who was now patiently waiting on the stairs. I felt bad for him since he seemed to like Lilly a lot. “Please?”

“Are you going to buy me ice cream later?” he asked standing up and shutting the door. He jogged off the porch and stood next to me, looking up with his twinkling, childish eyes.

“You had five slices of cake yesterday,” I reminded him as we started walking down the block.

“That was yesterday,” he said leading the way. He moved more to the left and started walking on the edge of the curb. “Lilly has tons of ice cream at her house.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“I was there yesterday,” he said in an obvious tone. “Her house is so cool.”

“Isn’t it the same as ours?” I asked. I thought most of the houses were identical in this neighborhood.

“I guess,” Frankie said. “Nick we have to cross the street now.” I noticed Frankie stopped walking and was looking to his right, then his left. “Come on Nick!” He dashed across the street and I jogged after him.

“Which house?” I asked. Frankie pointed to the only house in front of us. I was right; the house looked exactly like ours except it had a curvy pathway leading from the sidewalk to the front door, unlike ours. The gray house was secluded from any other houses and it looked cheery with it’s perfectly cut bushes and no leaves on the grass from the lone tree that stood in the middle of the grass.

This was the last house I would expect Lilly to be living in. It was too cheery and perfect, not that she wasn’t either of those. I shuffled the box that was in my hands as Frankie ran up to the door. He pressed his finger to the doorbell as I stood on the last step on Lilly’s doorstep. I heard faint music from somewhere in the house, and finally the door opened, revealing Maggie.

“Hello there boys,” she said with her bright smile. I smiled back as I walked up behind Frankie. “Lillian’s in the garage with Bill. Would you like to come in? You two must be frying out there.” Frankie walked in quickly and I followed as Maggie shut the door. What I heard outside was music and I wasn’t imagining thing. It was clearly being played from somewhere within the house.

“It’s actually not that hot today,” I replied with a simple shrug. “It’s livable I guess.”

“So what is that?” Maggie asked pointing to the box I was carrying.

“Flours,” I replied, “For Lilly.”

“Aw that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard,” Maggie gushed, causing my cheeks to burn. “Let me show you to the garage or would you like to just get her?”

“No need,” Lilly said walking into the living room where the three of us stood. “The queen has arrived!”

“Hi LJ!” Frankie said wrapping his arms around her waist.

“What’s up kid?” Lilly said wrapping her arms around Frankie. She looked up at me and nodded her head. “Sup Jonas? What’s that you have in your hands?”

“Flours,” I repeated once again. She stared at me with no expression on her face. I knew I was stupid for buying six boxes of flour. I was just glad I went with the smaller ones and I didn’t have to lug around the larger bags just to have her stare at me with her eyes burning into mine.

“Neat.”

“You said you wanted to bake,” I said. “So I wasn’t sure if you had enough flour.”

“Oh,” she said with her arms still around Frankie, “Can we not bake today? It’s hotter than a crack who-”

“Lillian,” Maggie snapped, causing me to flinch. I had forgotten there was anyone else in the room. I need to stop day dreaming.

“My bad,” she said staring down at Frankie. “It is pretty hot today man, so can we not bake? Why don’t you come down to the garage with me and my old man? He’s actually letting me change his oil.” I let out a small laugh. “Exciting, isn’t it?”

“Now you’re telling me you know how to change the oil in a car?” I asked. “What’s next, can you keep your room clean for more than a day?”

“Actually,” she replied cockily, “My room is clean. Mags gets on my case so I clean it up everyday. And there’s nothing under my bed.” I continued to smile at her, but I had to pull myself out of a day dream I was about to get into. “Put that box down Nick and join Frankie and me in the garage.”

With her arms still around Frankie she started walking with him towards a door, which most likely led to the garage.

“I’ll put this in the kitchen,” Maggie said going for the box. “Go down with them. I’ll be down soon with some drinks.”

“Thank you,” I responded kindly and walked towards the door where Lilly went through. The music was starting to get louder as I descending down into the rather large garage. I smiled as I realized what was being played.

“Why are you smiling like a pedo for?” Lilly asked. “Is it the music? I’ll turn it off, it wasn’t my idea. I don’t even like Johnny Cash.”

“You don’t like him?” I asked.

“He’s okay,” she said. “I only like a few songs.”

“She’s only into that demon, screaming music,” Bill said, popping up from under the car.

Lilly laughed sarcastically and placed her hands on her hips. I noticed her shirt seemed to not fit her well anymore and it was starting to ride up leaving a good inch of her stomach showing. I stared at her soft skin and averted my eyes immediately when she spoke.

“It’s not demonic old man,” she said. “You’re just mad your ears can’t stand it.”

“So you like ol’ Johnny, Nicholas?” Bill asked.

“Yeah, he’s great,” I replied. I felt my face grow hot once again since my eyes once again found their way to her stomach.

“See Lilly, this kid has good taste in music,” he said.

“You’re lucky I didn’t shut it off yet,” she replied. “Be glad.”

“I’m going to take this old brute for a spin,” Bill announced. “Anyone care to join me?”

“Can I go?” Frankie asked.

“Of course you can,” Bill said. “If that’s alright with Nick though. I’m just going around the block to make sure this girl over here didn’t screw up anything.”

“Hey all I did was pour the oil,” Lilly said. “I didn’t touch anything.”

“Nick, can I go?” Frankie asked. “Please?”

“Sure,” I said. “Take your time.” I meant what I said by taking their time so I pulled out a ten dollar bill from my back pocket and gave it to Bill. “Do you mind getting him an ice cream or something?”

“Yes!” Frankie shouted pumping his small fist in the air. “I knew you’d cave and buy me one!”

“I can’t take your money,” Bill said. “Do you guys want anything?”

“Crack,” Lilly said. Bill glared at her and she giggled. “Joking. I’ll pass on the fatty goodness, but hurry back.” My smile slowly faded when she said that and I’m pretty sure she noticed it as well. “I mean hurry back because I don’t want Nick getting yelled at for not watching his brother.”

“Ten minutes tops,” Bill said. “McDonalds is just a few minutes away. Don’t tell Maggie I left.” He shot her a wink which caused her to laugh again. “Come on Frankie, I’ll buy you anything you want.” Frankie whooped again and ran towards the passenger door. He opened it and closed it. Bill then followed in suit, started the car and took off.

“You think we should have gone with?” she asked. “I mean your parents won’t freak right?”

“If they found out he got ice cream they’d yell at me,” I replied. “But they won’t care if Bill took him. They like your grandparents and well, you of course.”

“Awesome,” I replied, “But didn’t they like me before?”

“They never paid attention to you before,” I said. “I told them you didn’t like us, you were rude and yeah. Then I told them I was going out with you and they were all ‘How cute’ about it. Then I told them I broke up with you because you moved. End of story.”

“Dude, you make me sound like the good person,” she replied. “Didn’t they realize how upset you were for the last few months?”

“Of course they did,” I said. “I used the excuse I needed time to get over you almost every day.”

“What did they say now that I’m around again?” she asked quietly.

“Nothing really,” I replied. “They asked if we’re going out again or if I’m being nice to you.”

“That’s it?” she asked. I nodded. “That’s stupid, how can they not hate me even a little bit? Jason told me what dad did to you and your parents said nothing?”

“When he yelled at me?” I asked. “They weren’t home anyways and I wasn’t in the mood for him anyways. I blocked it out and he eventually left. Do you…talk to him at all?”

“No,” she replied. “Why bother? I’m surprised that he didn’t call the cops and report me as a runaway.” Lilly tugged at the end of her shirt and I watched as she attempted to cover her visible skin. I placed my right hand over hers to refrain from her pulling on her shirt.

“Leave it,” I said coolly. “It’s a good look for you.”

“My stomach showing is a good look for me?” she asked. She laughed. “Thanks for staring at it.”

“Sorry,” I said removing my hand from hers and shoving it in my pockets. “I never really stared at a girl’s stomach area or whatever you call it.”

“I was going to change,” she said putting her hands in her back pockets, “But I got too into helping my gramps out. I could change if you want.”

“No,” I said quickly, “It’s fine. It’s not like it’s that short anyways.”

“I like this song,” Lilly said out of nowhere. One of my all time favorite Johnny Cash songs started seeping through the speakers. It was ‘Give My Love to Rose’. “It makes me all teary eyed though, so it blows for that.”

“You’re kidding right?” I asked. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me.

“Kidding about what?” she asked. “I can get emotional if I want to.”

“No,” I replied quickly, “This is my favorite Johnny Cash song.”

“Really?” she asked. “Is this the first commonality we have?” I laughed out loud, realizing that this is probably the only common thing we share.

“I think so,” I said.

“Wow,” she said out loud, “Interesting.” She bit on her bottom lip as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her heels. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead,” I replied.

“Do you ever think things could get back to normal between us?” she asked. “Before I screwed it up and ran off crying like a big baby.”

I was about to respond when the sound of a car approaching broke my thoughts and we both turned towards the driveway where Bill parked the car. Frankie opened the door with a large grin on his face and ran towards us with an ice cream cone in hand.

My answer to her question: Of course things could go back to normal. I wanted things to go back to the way they were, but I was also afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sure she may have wanted to get back together today, but will she want to be together again a month from now? Would she run off again to who knows where just to escape? I can’t stand the thought of being left high and dry without any knowledge of whether Lilly’s alive or not just because she thinks she’s not good enough for me.

I was just glad Bill had returned just in time because I wanted to stall on this answer for a while longer. I had to give her the perfect answer and it wasn’t going to be a simple yes or no.