I've Got Your Mixed Tape In My Walkman

My breath got caught in my throat.

It was almost the end.

If this side was also at the New Years Party then she has ten days left.

Ten.

Hey guys.

Her voice was even smaller like she just told us a secret that she shouldn't have.

But she shouldn't be telling us this stories!

She shouldn't of had to go through that.

None of it!

As I told you before, I couldn't tell anyone what Micheal did to me.

It wasn't an option.

It will never be an option

And I only have one person to thank for that.

Alaina Johnson.

Alaina.

The Not So Best Ass of Freshman Class.

So why did Alaina find it necessary to not help me.

How do I even know she knew?

I know because I saw her walk into the room we were in. The room...

Her voice got lost through her sobs.

The room that all my screams and cries had been blocked by the music.

She walked in. She heard me say no. She saw me being raped.

But she just walked out with a wicked smirk spread across her face.

"Cold Hearted Bitch" I mumbled under my breath an I heard a small snicker escape Zack's lips.

I looked over at him and noticed that his eyes were still glossy but he had a small almost non visible smile plastered on his face.

Was this her way of revenge?

On something that was decide by a boy who was barely at the beginning of puberty.

On something that I had no control over!

But I had no control over Michael either and looked how that ended.

I don't know what is worst.

Knowing you could of been saved or not knowing.

What do you think?

She paused, obliviously wanting us to answer.

We all chorused "knowing" and looked at each other before all our eyes left and darted around the room.

When Michael was done and left the room I slowly got up and changed.

On the back of Thomas door was a full length black mirror. As I looked into the mirror at myself I couldn't see.

I lost myself that night.

I didn't see the same Lily.

I didn't see me.

I saw a broken girl with makeup smeared eyes and a twisted black heart.

This girl wasn't living.

The old Lily was long gone.

She didn't exisit.

I felt warm tears run down my cheeks and I didn't even bother hiding them from my friends because they all had matching tears.

The tape let out a piercing squeak and Matt quickly popped open the tape.

That squeak made me think the of only one thing.

Lily's Pain.