I've Got Your Mixed Tape In My Walkman

"Did we all really not see this happening?" Zack asked us.

"Were we really that blind?" Val asked finishing his question.

"Obviously." Brian said. "But why didn't we?"

"Were we to proud to notice?" Val asked.

"Were we to foolish?"I asked.

Matt shrugged and pressed play not wanting to listen to us.

Come Josephine in my flying machine,
Going up she goes,
Up she goes.

She was singing.

I really like that song don't you? It really ended Titanic very nicely.

I liked it so much, you'll find it in another one of these tapes.

Excited? Wanna know which one?

To bad. You'll have to keep listening to find out!

But another thing I like is poetry.

"No." Val whispered.

"What is it babe?" Matt asked rubbing her arm.

"This is mine." she cried.

"How do-" he was cut off by Lily.

Lets fast forward to my sophomore year fifth hour last semester.

Tell me did I have a class with any of you?

Val? I believe we had creative writing together.

Am I right?"

"Told you." she whispered with tears in her eyes. "I didn't know."

You didn't know what Val?

Thought so.

Right so, Mr. Pratt had us each write a poem about our life. It could be in any style we chose we just needed to write it.

Well do you remember a no named poem Val?

Yep, it was mine.

Val was shaking her head and kept repeating no over and over again.

What happened.

When Mr. Pratt read our poems out loud he came across it and asked who it was.

And of course no one fessed up to it.

She paused.

Until now.

Loneliness is...By Lily Baker.

She cleared her throat.

I never heard this poem but I do remember Val saying something about merely in lunch one day, but I don't remember it.

I thought it was unimportant.

Loneliness is …..
The empty feeling that comes from within

Loneliness is ……
The longing to share your thoughts and feelings with someone who’ll listen

Loneliness is ……
Reaching out for open arms to find none there

Loneliness is …..
Standing in a crowded room but feeling alone

Loneliness is …...
Picking up the phone but having no one to call

Loneliness is …...
Knowing there is no one thinking of you

Depression is …..
Feeling alone

Depression is …..
Knowing this will never change

Depression is …..
Knowing your best isn’t good enough

Depression is …..
Knowing nothing you do matters

Depression is …..
Realizing your best days have gone

Depression is …..
Looking forward to the end

Depression is …..
Knowing no one really cares that you are looking forward to the end.

Val sobbed as we all had stinging tears in our eyes.

If I would of known Lily wrote that I would of done something, anything for her.

"I'm sorry." Val whispered. "Sorry..sorry. I'm sorry Lily."

I'm sure thats something Lily never heard.

Well now, that could go into the best poems of all time book. Couldn't it?

So after Mr. Pratt read the poem out loud Val what did people do? What did you do?

"I told the class that the author needed some serious help and check into the nearest crazy bin."

I know you know, Val.

And what hurt the most was the fact that you....Val one of my best friends said that.

Right you didn't know I wrote it. But you also didn't know what your words did to me.

Valary! That poem was not about being selfish or crazy that poem was a cry for help and no one, and I mean NO ONE helped me!

Hasn't anyone taken health? This is a basic cry for help when a suicidal person is asking for it!

WHY DID NO ONE HELP ME?!?!

I'm still asking that question.

And I still don't have answer.

Why didn't Mr. Pratt say anything he must of knew it was Lily's if she never handed one in with her name on it

What did Mr. Pratt do after people made their own sick version of my poem Valary? Hmm?

"He threw it away."

He tossed it in the trash and said that person obviously wanted to fail.

So why didn't Mr. Pratt realize it was mine? I mean I never turned one in and one laid in the trash. I mean Jesus Mr. Pratt put the pieces together.

"He didn't count it as a grade. Just an exercise." Val mumbled staring at a spot in the floor.

I think he called it an exercise and never graded it.

Let me tell you guys something.

That was my first, but not my last cry for help.

And no one came to save me.

No one.

The tape skipped ending on the reel and we all stared at Val.

Her face was tear stained and none of us spoke because it wasn't her fault she missed it.

It was all of ours.