I Hate Everything About You

“Cailtin seems nice,” my mom observed as Joe made her a plate of food. “honestly, tabloids are so mean to her. But she seems nothing like that.”

“Tabloids aren’t always true,” Joe defended her.

I fought the urge to laugh. We both knew that in this case, they were. Caitlin was a bitch, point blank. But I was confused. Joe’s tone was actually, honestly, defensive. Like he cared what our mom thought about her. I looked at Caitlin who was sitting at a table. Her eyes were wandering throughout the backyard. There was a weird look in them – like sadness, but not really. I watched as her gaze fell on Joe. My mouth dropped as her eyes brightened at the sight of him – like he made her happy, like she liked him.

My mom put her hands up defensively. “I know sweetie,” she said. “And that’s what I’m saying.” She smiled. “She was playing with Frankie, and honestly, Joseph, if Frankie were older, you’d have some serious competition. He now worships the ground she walks on.”

Joe looked at Caitlin. And then he looked back at our mom. “So you like her,” he asked, hopeful. Again, I kept my mouth shut.

Our mom smiled. “I do. You made a good choice – even if I didn’t get to meet my daughter-in-law until after she became that.” I heard a slightly change of tone.

Joe kissed my mom’s cheek and went back to Caitlin with her food. I turned to my mom. “Do you really like her,” I asked.

“I’m worried,” she sighed. “Something seems off.”

Oh crap. “What do you mean?”

“They seem – unhappy, you know,” she shrugged. “Did Joe tell you if they’re having any problems or anything?”

I gulped. “No. He said everything is just perfect.”

She sighed. “Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

I looked at her. “Oh no. I know that tone. What are you planning mom?”

My mom’s face reddened. “I just want to get to know my daughter-in-law Nicholas. Is that so wrong?”

“It is when you’re prying,” I said.

She laughed. “I’m not prying. I’m helping. Trust me, they’ll thank me in the long run.”

“Or they’ll end up hating you,” I shrugged.

She smiled. “And to answer your question Nicholas, yes, yes I like her.”

She walked towards them. I looked at them, playing a game. It looked like thumb wrestling. But I wasn’t paying attention to that. I was looking at their faces. And what I saw confused me. It was happiness.

---

“Having fun,” Joe asked as he brought me a plate of food. The whole Jonas family was in the backyard for a barbeque, for what I had been told was something they tried to do as often as they could. I had been sitting under an umbrella table as Joe had gone to get me food.

“Yeah,” I admitted. “Your family is really nice.”

And they really were. They didn’t treat me weirdly, which was refreshing, seeing as I knew they knew how bitchy I was. Everyone did. But they were nice to me. They didn’t ask about the drinking or the marriage. But that could have been under the assumption that they all thought Joe and I had been in love for months before. This whole group of wonderful people I truly enjoyed, and I had to lie to them. They were all so close. They were truly a family. It made me wish I were truly a Jonas.

“Aren’t you glad I made you come now,” he smirked.

I glared at him. “You still suck,” I said.

He laughed. “I’m just messing with you Caitlin,” he looked around. “So did you meet Frankie?”

I laughed at that. “Frank the Tank is – exuberant.”

He grinned at that. “Aren’t we all? What did he do?”

“He challenged me to rock band, and then kicked my butt in it, and then got me to play him in thumb wrestling.”

“Please tell me he beat you,” Joe laughed.

I made a face. “5 to 2,” I admitted.

“Yes,” he exclaimed, pushing his sleeves up. “That means I could beat you. Frankie beats me 5 to 3. Did he hustle you?”

“Little hairball hustled me for about 40 bucks,” I glared at no one in particular.

Joe laughed, putting his hand up. “I’ll make you a deal. You beat me, I’ll get your money back.”

“Or you could do that and we don’t play,” I suggested without hope.

“No dice,” he rolled his eyes. “Unless you’re chicken.”

My mouth dropped. “Take that back Joseph Jonas,” I demanded.

“No way Cailtin Jonas,” he grinned. “Notice how you didn’t deny it.”

“Fine,” I said, putting my thumbs up. “Let’s go. And when I beat you, you have to not only get my money back, but also give me another 50.”

He made a face. “You drive a hard bargain,” he said. “But I like it.”

I laughed, and took his hand.

“It’s kind of hot, you know,” he observed. "You trying to be a thumb wrestling champion."

I smirked. “It’s going to be hotter when I beat you.”

I did beat him. 5 to 4. The last one was a close one. But I was victorious in the end. Mostly because I put my other hand on his upper leg to distract him. But it worked. I heard him take a deep breath and I crushed his thumb.

“I win,” I shouted.

“You cheated,” he shot back.

“Na ah,” I smirked. “Don’t be such a sore loser.”

“You’re the sore loser,” he glared at me.

“And yet, I won,” I grinned.

“Cheater,” he insisted.

“Caitlin honey,” his mom Denise came over to us. “Can you come help me with the burger plates really quickly?”

Joe started to look as nervous as I felt. Alone – with his mother. There were a million other people here. And yet she asked me… which meant ulterior motives. “Mom, I can go get them,” Joe said quickly.

“No, no honey, it’s okay,” his mom grinned at him. “Caitlin and I will be right back. Besides, I haven’t even had a chance to get to know her yet.”

“Oh um okay,” I said, getting up. I shot one more nervous look at Joe before following Denise into the house.