I Hate Everything About You

“You guys are doing an amazing job,” Nick said suddenly as we made our way up the stairs.

“What,” I asked, slightly taken back. Maybe I was too groggy, but it took me a moment to put it to together.

“You and Joe,” he explained. “The whole charade – I think my mom actually believes it.”

“O-oh, really,” I asked, slightly shocked. My performance wasn’t that good, was it? I mean, sure I hadn’t been completely lying, but she really believed it?

Nick laughed at my tone. “I’m kind of shocked too.” He paused for a moment. “Actually, not really.”

“Oh,” I asked.

He smirked at me as we reached a room. “You are a professional actor Caitlin.”

I smiled lightly. Right, of course. “Um, yeah,” I said as we walked in. I stopped in my tracks, taking in the room. It was a complete mess. Joe was such a slob. There were clothes thrown everywhere, a trunk actually still lain open. There was a pair of jeans slung across the lamp. My mouth fell slightly open. “Wow,” I sighed.

Nick laughed. “Joe is the most – messy of us.”

I nodded, walking more in. Besides the mess, the room wasn’t half bad. It was definitely big. He had posters of musicians and Jessica Alba all over the walls. I saw one of The Beatles that I had back at my apartment too. Overall, it was a basic guy’s room. In the corner was a guitar stand, and a mic. There were about 4 guitars on the stand, and the microphone was old fashioned, like from another decade.

“It was the one we sang in in our Lovebug video,” Nick explained, seeing me looking at the microphone. “Joe fell in love with it, and they let him keep it.”

“Oh,” I said.

Nick walked over to the bed, and sighed, starting to pick up clothes. “We would have cleaned this sooner – or rather my mom would have, but we’re all kind of afraid of coming in here.”

“Why,” I laughed, sitting down on the couch. Was Joe the big bad scary brother?

“Kevin found some freaky shit in here,” he smirked. “And of course, there’s so much old food in here that there’s probably something dead in here.”

I grimaced. He was joking, right? His face made it clear he wasn’t. “Thanks for the warning,” I said.

“No problem,” he laughed and starting throwing more clothes into Joe’s closet.

I started helping him. We worked in silence. Something had been bugging me all night, and I knew Nick would be able to help me. “Nick,” I said quietly.

“Yeah,” he asked cautiously, probably from my tone.

“Has Joe – has he changed,” I managed to get out

Nick looked at me, his eyes contemplative. His face broke out into a smirk. “You like him,” he said.

“What, psh, no I don’t,” I rambled. “Who, me? Couldn’t be. Psh, you’re – you’re crazy. Ha. You—“

“Alright whatever,” Nick rolled his eyes, still smirking. “You don’t have to tell me the truth.” He sat on the bed, and I sat down next to him. “Has he changed, you asked. Joe – Joe has always been the funny guy here, you know? He was always the ladies’ man, always flirting, always just having fun. Besides Alex, I don’t think he’s ever truly found anyone he really could love. And even with Alex, it was weird. It was like he loved her, but his heart wasn’t fully in it. There was too much control over him in that relationship. Joe has always been what they call a free spirit I guess. We see him now, and we see someone who might have found the one he was made for. He seems – happier than he’s been in a long time. It’s like you’ve controlled him, but he’s still free. And I think it’s partly why he’s falling in love with you too.”

I didn’t say anything, really not having anything to say His last word didn’t slip my attention. Falling in love with you too as in Nick knew I was falling too. Nick kissed my forehead and left, leaving me to think about it.

And I did think about it. What he said – was it a good thing? I mean, yeah, I was falling for Joe. I could see that now. But settling down? Falling in love? Was that really what I wanted? I mean, love wasn’t exactly on my top list of priorities. This wasn’t good, was it?

---

“Oh, more than you thought,” I asked, still shocked. My mom wasn’t stupid. She was actually pretty observant. Damn Nick got that from her, and they could both usually see through stuff. But maybe Caitlin had managed to trick her. I mean, she was a professional actor. This was her job.

“Yes, Joseph,” my mom said smiling. “Does that surprise you?”

“No,” I said slowly. “But I guess it just threw me off for a second.”

“And are you happy Joseph,” my mom asked me. “Does she make you happy?”

“She does,” I said, realizing that I wasn’t completely acting. Caitlin did make me happy. I had never had so much fun as I had with her. “So you like her?” I cared more than I should about the answer.

“I do,” my mom said, smiling.

“I really wanted you to like her,” I let out a breath, and smiled. Caitlin had her approval. I didn’t know why that made me smile now. “Especially since I married her without you ever meeting her.”

My mom laughed. “You must have been scared stiff. I’ll admit when I first heard about it, I thought it was a scam. I mean, everything the magazines say about her. Though I know first hand now from you boys not to trust the media. And I have to say that in this case, I’m glad they turned out to be wrong. Caitlin is a sweet girl.”

When she wants to be. “Yeah, she is,” I said, realizing that I did mean it. Caitlin could be sweet. She could be amazing. She could be beautiful – inside and out. “I mean, the whole attitude thing people say about her – it’s just a front. I mean, I met her mom, and just – wow. I think I’d have gone crazy if you were like that. But Caitlin took that and made herself stronger. But I think she just – she doesn’t trust people easily. And she doesn’t show weakness, because then she loses. But she can be that soft, sweet girl that I fell in love with. I’ve seen it, and I know it, and—“

I stopped, not having realized that I had said all that out loud. My mom was smiling at me. “What,” I asked.

“I’m really glad you found her Joseph,” my mom said, still smiling. “I truly am.”

I didn’t say anything, feeling a twang of guilt surge through me. My mom approved, which was something my brothers and I always looked for in all our relationships. But it wasn’t real. Caitlin and I – we weren’t real. And I felt myself regretting that as well.

“She’s good for you,” my mom continued. “I wish you could see how good.” She got up, and kissed my forehead. “Well, I’m going to go to sleep. Goodnight honey.”

“Night,” I called after her. I sat in the chair for a few moments, before getting up and walking to my room, my mom’s words still in my head.

“Hey,” Caitlin said, standing from the bed.

“Hi,” I replied, walking in, and looking around. “It’s cleaner.”

She smiled. “Nick threw some stuff around.”

“Oh,” I said, walking closer.

“Yeah,” she said. “So – what did your mom want?”

I shrugged. “She just wanted to say she approved. Nice job. Whatever you said to her, she believed this is real.”

I saw pain flash in her eyes for a second. That was weird. “I really like her,” she said quietly, closer to me. “I like your whole family actually.”

I smiled nervously, taking another step. “They’re alright.”

“They’re better than alright. I wish I had a family like this,” she sighed.

“You do,” I said quietly. I gently pushed her hair back behind her ear. She was looking up at me, beautiful as ever. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Everything my mom said, everything I had realized I was feeling – I took a hold of her face and crashed my lips on hers. She hesitated for a second, before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer. I kept kissing her, all my passion, my love coming out in it. I pushed her back towards the bed, lying her down, and moving on top of her, my lips never leaving hers. But suddenly her hands pushed against my chest, pushing me away. “I – I’m going to sleep,” she stammered. She climbed out from my grip and moved to the other side of the bed, as far from me as she could, making herself into as small a ball as she could.

“Caitlin,” I said quietly, reaching for her.

“Good night,” she said firmly, which stopped me in my tracks. I sat frozen at her tone. What did she think? That I would actually – actually try to force her or something? She should know by now I wasn’t that kind of guy. Angry now, I got into bed on the other side and put out the light, regretting my thoughts for the last hour.