I Hate Everything About You

“You move back here next week Joe,” Nick reminded me for what must have been the 80th time.

“I know, thanks,” I glared at him as I put away the cereal box.

“Your time is running out.” He took the box from my hand and started eating.

“Again, I know, thanks,” I grabbed the box back.

“You need to get her to fall in love with you before then,” he said.

I narrowed my eyes. “Did you come over to tell me everything I already know Nicholas?”

He smirked. “Pretty much.”

I rolled my eyes. “You can leave then.”

“No seriously,” he laughed. “I’m here to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” I said firmly.

“I think you do,” he smirked. “Seeing as you have one week, and it hasn’t happened yet with 5 and some months. You need me before you become a lost cause.”

“Thanks for the faith,” I rolled my eyes.

“Any time. Now tell me, is the high and scary she witch here?”

“Don’t call her that,” I glared at him. Caitlin wasn’t so bad, especially after you got to know her. There was something there, I knew it. “And no, she’s at Dani’s.”

“So what is the problem?” he asked. “I mean, why don’t you just bag her already?” I glared at him. “Fine, why don’t you make her fall in love with you already?” he rephrased.

I groaned and fell back into one of the table chairs. “I was so close last night at dinner,” I said. “I mean, we were really connecting at dinner last night.”

“Did she show you her horns?” he asked.

“Nick,” I narrowed my eyes. “She’s not that bad. In fact, she’s actually really nice.”

“And you’re smitten,” he smirked.

I sighed, and shrugged. “I really do love her. I don’t know how or why. I just do.”

“So cute,” he laughed. “Now continue. You guys were connecting at dinner.”

“Exactly,” I said. “But it was like as soon as I got too close, she put her walls back up. I couldn’t break them down all the way. Like she surrounds herself with the attitude, and the anger, and the sarcasm so that you don’t really see how vulnerable and messed up she really is.”

“I see,” Nick said slowly. “And you’re absolutely sure that’s the kind of girl you want to be with?”

“It’s not a wanting thing,” I clarified. “I need her. As cliché as it sounds, I didn’t realize how empty I was until I really met her.”

“She fulfills you,” he cooed. “How romantic.”

I rolled my eyes and punched him. “Shut up. Seriously though. What should I do?”

“Honestly?” he said, still chuckling. “Just tell her how you feel. I think she’s already in love with you. She just doesn’t realize it. So make her.”

I nodded, taking in his words. Make her realize it. Shouldn’t be too hard, right?

---

“You love him,” Dani grinned as we came out of Saks.

I switched my newly acquired shopping bag from my left hand to my right as I looked at my best friend. “No I don’t,” I said.

“You so do,” she said. “It’s so obvious. You freaking told him about your dad. You never tell anyone about your dad.”

“That’s because it’s personal,” I said defensively. My dad had been extremely important to me. Losing him had been the hardest thing in my life. It wasn’t a weakness I liked to bring up.

“And you chose to divulge that personal bit of information with him,” she said. “Come on Caitlin, just admit it. You love him.”

“I do n—“ I stopped. “Fine, I do.”

“Good, tell him that,” she grinned.

I rolled my eyes. “As if.”

“He loves you too,” she continued. “You guys were meant to be. You are both fucked up.”

“Thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes. Then I froze in my tracks. Standing not 10 feet away from me was Joe’s ex-girlfriend. The girl who had broken his heart, Alex. She turned and saw me, and waved. “Oh god,” I mumbled.

“What?” Dani asked, following my gaze. Her eyes took in Alex’s punk rock girl appearance. “Are we talking to the riff raff now?”

I laughed. “Shh,” I said. “That’s Joe’s ex.”

“Oh man,” she said. “The love of his life verse the bitch and loser who lost him. This should be interesting. Don’t worry, I’ll vote on you.”

“Thanks,” I rolled my eyes, laughing. There was a reason Dani was my best friend. Too soon Alex was in front of us.

“Caitlin hey,” she grinned. I looked her over. She looked a mess. Her hair didn’t seem combed. Her face had no make-up. Her eyes were red and blotchy. This girl had some real issues.

“Hi,” I said, trying to end this little encounter already. I didn’t know Alex, but I hated her already.

“I’m sure you’re busy,” she said quickly. “Lots to do. Joe’s birthday coming up and all.”

Joe’s birthday? What the fuck? When was that? August 15th, right? He had dropped a hint or two. Was I supposed to be doing something for him Our little arrangement was supposed to have been ended by then. But we were – friends now, weren’t we? Maybe I should throw him a party. And if I actually did tell him I loved him, maybe we would be together really and I’d definitely have to throw one. Before I could respond, Alex burst out into tears. I looked at Dani and saw that she had the same what the fuck look on her face. I looked back at Alex. “Are you – okay?”

“I’m so sorry,” she wiped her face quickly. “I know he’s your husband now, and I have no right to be thinking about him like this or at all really because I was such a bitch and—“

“Wait,” I cut her off. I wasn’t interested in her sob story. “Is this about Joe?”

She nodded slowly.

“Why the hell are you crying over him?” Dani asked. Dani was a dedicated and outspoken feminist. I smiled slightly.

“I’ve just –,“ she sighed and looked at me, her eyes apologetic. “I really am sorry. It’s just I miss him so much. I’ve been a mess without him. I love him so much. Letting him go was the worst mistake of my life.”

Dani looked at her hair. “Clearly.”

“I’ll go now,” Alex said, backing away. “I’m so sorry Caitlin.”

I didn’t say anything, staring after her. Dani let out a deep breath. “Wow, she really let herself go,” she said.

“She’s heart broken,” I said sympathetically. Wait, was I feeling bad for her? Was I caring? It was understandable, I mean. Joe was a great guy. Any girl would be a fool to let him go. Any girl but me. Clearly Alex needed him a lot more than I did.

“Oh no, no, no,” Dani said, obviously reading my face. “I know that look. Don’t you dare Caitlin. Look at her. You’ll be worse than that.”

“How so?” I asked.

“Joe is the first guy you’ve ever let in,” she said. “You can’t lose him.”

“Too late,” I said quietly. I had made up my mind.