I Hate Everything About You

“After 6 months, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Jonas call it quits,” Dani read off the tabloid.

I sighed, the last week and a half a complete blur. We had waited a few days, going out alone, never seen together in public. I had even put on a major shopping pick me up with Dani, though I wasn’t sure how much of that was pretend. Joe was spending more and more time at home. He even changed the lyrics to much better to fit our situation, and put on a tear works show. I had to say, it was really working. People were actually buying all of this. Our happy couple routine had actually worked. Still, it hadn’t made my mood better, which was just as well. I didn’t have to pretend in public to be so miserable. It came naturally now.

“A rep says the couple just had too many differences and despite attempts to make it work,” Dani continued. “But both still have feelings for each other and will continue to be close friends. The rep also says that he has never seen Joe this down. In the meantime, Caitlin Pierce has been seen moping around with starlet BFF Danielle Montgomery. Is this the true end of The Jonases?” She looked up at me. “Wow, they called me a starlet.”

I laughed lightly, rolling my eyes. Of course she’d say something so ridiculous and lighten up the mood. “Congratulations.”

She laughed too, but then her face was somber. “Honestly Cait, you messed this one up, big time.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes. “You don’t need to remind me, thanks.”

“I’m serious Cait,” she said. “I mean you clearly love him.”

“Do not,” she countered.

Dani rolled her eyes. “Are we doing that denial thing again? Because it is so boring. Look you love him. He told you he loves you too. What is the issue?”

I sighed. “Alex needs him more.”

Dani rolled her eyes again. “He doesn’t want her. He wants you, you retard. And besides, who cares about her? It’s her fault for letting him go. She had him. She lost you. Now you had him. And you’re just going to lose him?”

I got off the couch and started putting stuff away. The apartment seemed so empty without Joe here now. And it was really dirty. I had to clean it. “It was all a mistake Dani,” I said firmly. “The whole marriage was a mistake and a lie.”

She looked at me for a moment. “It may have started out as a mistake,” she said quietly. “But it definitely was not a lie. You love him.”

“So what?” I shouted, throwing the pillow down. “I love him, big deal. It’s not like we can be together, or get together or anything else.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because he’ll hate me and then leave,” I shouted, tears in my eyes.

“W-w-what?” Dani asked, taken back. “Why would you think that?”

“Oh God,” I cried, wiping my face as I sat on the couch again. “I don’t know. Everyone in my life besides you has. And I’m still waiting on that reaction from you. I mean, look at my mom and dad. My dad died to get away from me, and my mom can barely be in the same room with me for more than 5 minutes, and even then, I’m always a disappointment.”

“I’ve seen you through the bitchiest times Caitlin,” she rolled her eyes. “Obviously I’m not going anywhere. And neither will he.”

“Right,” I chuckled, wiping my eyes.

“I’m serious Caitlin,” she sighed. “Look, Joe loves you. And honestly, you’re better when you’re with him. You have gotten 10 times less bitchy, trust me. Besides, we all know the bitch act is just a ruse. And Joe already knows how you are, and he loves you anyway.”

“For now,” I said quietly. I was a bitch, that was all there was to it. I didn’t deserve Joe, or happiness, or love.

“Oh my God Caitlin,” she groaned, frustrated now. “Look, you love him, he loves you. There are never guarantees in love or life, alright? Hat’s just how it is. You win some, you lose some. It doesn’t matter what happens in the end. It’s getting there. Having Joe, being in love, so what if it only lasts for a while, which by the way I personally think you guys will last forever but anyway, you have to take chances sometimes. You have to bet on it, and sometimes you win.”

“I wouldn’t bet on me,” I mumbled.

“I would,” a voice said at the door.

We both turned around and saw Joe standing there. “W-w-what are you doing here?” I asked. Had he heard us?

“Okay, this is my cue to go,” Dani interjected, getting up and walking towards the door. “Good luck,” she said to Joe as she passed him and closed the door behind her.

“Caitlin, I could never hate you,” he said, moving forward. “Trust me, for the last week, I’ve been trying. But it’s just – not possible.” He was getting closer now. I stood up, crossing my arms, quiet. “You consume me. I think about you day and night. You’re the last thought on my mind before I go to sleep and the first when I wake up. I just can’t get you out of my head. And when I left here last week, it was like I left a piece of me behind.”

I sighed, and wrapped my arms tighter around myself, finding myself wishing they were his instead. He was standing right in front of me now, I could feel his breath on my face. “It’ll pass,” I said quietly. “Trust me, I’m not anything special.”

He laughed quietly. “That’s where you’re wrong.” He reached out and pushed my hair back behind my ears. “You’re beautiful, and amazing, and funny, and you kick ass at Halo,” he smirked.

I laughed slightly. “Seriously Joe. I’m a mess. I argue with everyone. I leave stuff out. Morning breath is gross, and my bed hair looks like it needs a blow torch.”

He laughed, leaning in to kiss me cheek quickly. “Caitlin, I’ve been living with you for 6 months now. I know everything, and none of that is true.”

“Even the morning breath?” I asked.

He laughed again. “Okay, except for that.”

I laughed and he wrapped his arms around me. I placed my head on his chest, loving how it felt to have his arms around me. “So what now?” I asked quietly.

“Well, do you love me too?” he asked.

There was no hesitation. “Yes.”

“Then we’ll take this one day at a time,” he said. “We’ll really try this out, and 6 months from now, we won’t have to break up.”

I laughed. “Okay,” I said.

He leaned down and his lips met mine, softly yet firmly. So much went into the kiss, unspoken words, repressed feelings, and infinite love. He was mine, fully and truly. And I was his. I sighed, and looked up at him, breaking the kiss. “Joe, I--,” I started. “I love you. And I was lying. I do need you. I need you so much that it scares me sometimes.”

“I know how you feel,” he kissed my forehead. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” I said. “But seriously, eavesdropping, so not cool Joe.”

He laughed and rolled his eyes.

“And would it kill you to put stuff anyway once in a while?” I asked, looking around the room. “The room is filthy.”

“Caitlin,” he sighed.

“And really, keep your hair this length,” I ruffled his hair. “You look girly when it’s too long.”

He sighed. “Caitlin?”

“What?” I asked.

“Shut up,” he smirked.

I laughed, and threw my arms around him, my lips meeting his. Now that he was really mine, all I wanted to do was kiss him. “I love you,” I said, sighing as I looked at him.

He smiled. “I love you too. I hate everything about you,” he amended. “But there’s love there too.”

I laughed, and kissed him again. Finally, I had something that wasn’t going to leave.