It's the Mess That Feels So Right...

“Caleb?” My hoarse whisper was carried through the phone as I hunched up on the window seat of Gabe’s room, the dawn slowly creeping through the window and lighting up the black and white scene.

“Bee? What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Despite the obvious tone of sleep hanging heavy in his voice, he could tell he was concerned, knowing I would never call at such an inappropriate time in the morning.

“I...I need...Could I...”

“Bee, hun, what’s wrong?” Caleb’s gentle tone was enough to make tears emerge from their hiding, because he was just simply being nice, and I didn’t feel I deserved it.

“I... Can I come stay with you for while? Please?” Across the room, Gabe shifted in his sleep, the rustling of the sheets causing my heart to freeze momentarily, until I saw him scratch his stomach and roll onto his side, his deep breathing resuming.

“Sure, sure, yeah, come over whenever. But why? Has something happened?” Caleb whispered carefully, sounding more alert than before. I ran my hand through my hair, knowing I had to leave before Gabe woke, which could be anytime soon.

“I’ll explain it when I get there. Is now good?”

“Yeah, do you want me to meet you somewhere?” Caleb offered, and I could hear him moving around his room, most probably getting ready for my arrival.

“No, that’s fine. Stay there and I’ll be there soon.” Closing my phone, I silently slipped off the seat, heading for the door and hoping my feet could dodge the certain squeaky floor boards. Before sliding out completely, I turned around to look at Gabe once more, a mixed stream of emotions flooding, drowning me and making it harder to breath.

I shook it off, knowing it would be easier to think straight as soon as I had painkillers in my system and fresh air in my lungs. As if someone was on my side at that time, Shylo was fast asleep on top off Gabe’s pile of washing, not even stirring when grabbed up a pair of jeans from beside her.

Dressing quickly, I found my suitcase from last night, picking it up and putting it by the door, looking around the room for anything else I would need. Once again, my eyes drifted over to Shylo, but I knew I couldn’t take her, with reasons besides the obvious that Caleb’s mom was allergic to dog hair.

It seemed I was a little too paranoid for my own good, after locking the door, I ran down the stairs and all the way down to the main road, and ran until I hit the mall, taking in large gulps of breath to make up for the oxygen I lost. Feeling slightly better with the cool wind brushing the hair of my face, I slowed down to a walk, lugging my suitcase behind me and relishing the thought of being at Caleb’s house with his erratic, slightly crazy and optimistic mother who always seemed to lighten the room, no matter what the occasion.

One thing that I loved about Caleb’s house was how homely it felt; despite the fact that only the two of them lived there. The garden was always tended to, there were limitless photos lining the walls of things they had done and achieved together and despite Caleb’s mom lacking in essential mothering skills, the house always seemed clean and happy.

Walking up the trimmed steps, I knocked lightly on the door, the silence of this neighborhood always getting to me. Caleb opened the door, and wrapped his arms around me, forcing me to have to bite my lip to stop breaking down. Over Caleb’s shoulder, I could see his mother, humming and walking around in paint splatter overalls, waving at me happily once her eyes settled upon us.

“Bee! It’s so lovely to see you again!” She grinned widely and Caleb wiggled his head around in slight embarrassment as she pulled me into a hug, smelling like paint and vanilla perfume.

“It’s nice to see you too, Ms Jared,” I replied quietly, offering her the remains of a smile.

“Mom, um, Bee has some stuff going on at home and I was wondering if she could stay for a bit?” Caleb asked nonchalantly.

“Only if it’s okay with you, of course,” I piped up and Ms Jared’s forehead crinkled with worry for a brief second, obviously caught up over the ‘stuff going on at home’.

“Certainly! You know you are always welcome, and we have enough space!” She said, waving her hand around with a flourish. “Well, have fun kids, I’ve got to go make a start on painting the living room.”

I turned to Caleb with a questioning look. “I thought she painted it last week?”

“She seems to have a problem with commitment,” Caleb mumbled, shrugging and making a grab for suitcase and began lugging it up the stairs with me following.

“The guest room, or might I say, your room,” Caleb said with a grin, trying his hand at being formal but only causing a weak smile to form on my face before I looked away at the ocean-themed room. Caleb sighed and pushed me onto the bed, so that I was lying on one side of double bed, before lying beside me, both of us resting our hands on our stomachs and staring at the clean, white ceiling.

“Right hun, spill now.”

I took a deep breath and suddenly a tangle of words and sentences fell from my mouth, before I could think about it. “I slept with Gabriel. I know, I know I’m a bad person, but we were both slightly drunk and we started dancing, and just with the heat and the music, it was too much and then he kissed me. I fled and had every intention of leaving until he came home and started tossing all these questions around and apologizing, and I left! But I couldn’t get a hold of myself, and his questions confused me, so I walked back to ask him about it and he kissed me, and I just gave in! I’m terrible person, I know and-"

Caleb, who had been sitting quietly and attentively listening, suddenly hit me in the face with a pillow. The shock of such a random attack in the middle of an intense situation was messing with my emotions and all too soon, we were both giggling, wiping our eyes clear from so much laughter.

“Thanks, I needed that,” I said, wiping my eyes. I wasn’t sure if I was crying with happiness or just over everything that happened, but nevertheless, it felt good to be able to have it all out in the open.

“You’re welcome,” Caleb laughed and then for once in his life, his face became serious. “So, you were drunk when it happened?”

“Well...yeah,” I admitted shyly.

Caleb nodded thoughtfully. “Well, that doesn’t excuse what happened, but I know that you wouldn’t have done anything if you had been sober.”

Relief bobbed to the surface in my head, now if I could only get everyone else to think like that.

“Do you reckon Gabe would tell William?” Caleb asked a question that hadn’t even begun to grow in my mind.

“I... I don’t know. I don’t think he would. Would he?” Caleb shrugged and ran a hand through his rugged hair.

“I don’t think Gabe is like that, I think he will probably keep his mouth shut. But that leaves you with two options,” Caleb concluded, giving me somewhat of a serious look.

“And they are?”

“Well, either you come clean to William and tell him what happened, or you keep it a secret. Either way you’re going to have to talk to Gabe about it all.” Neither of the options sounded very appealing and I winced, knowing Caleb was right.

“Okay. I don’t think I could just... break William like that. I just couldn’t do that. So I guess this is just another secret that I have to keep.”

Caleb grabbed my hand reassuringly and right then, I couldn’t have wished for a better best friend.

“What about talking to Gabe?” He asked, knowing that at all costs, I would try and avoid it.

I grimaced at the thought. “When the time is right.”

“You know I’ll hold you to that, right?”

“Yes, I know,” I said with a sigh. “And when did you become so wise and knowledgeable?”

Caleb smirked, and I watched as his ego inflate. “I have my moments. I think I feel one coming on... All in favor for ice cream?”