It's the Mess That Feels So Right...

After saying a quick goodbye toCaleb’s mum Cassandra, who could only wave in reply as her mouth was holding pins because she was trying her hand at sewing (Caleb had hit his head against the wall when he found this out), I threw on my shoes and walked out the door.

As soon as my feet hit the pavement, everything suddenly felt immensely better. I decided to walk around Caleb’s neighborhood for a bit, it was nice and friendly, even topped off with the little kids playing on tricycles, watched like prey by their overprotective parents, yet they had no need to worry in a cosy little area like this.

Shoving my hands deep into the pockets of Caleb’s hoodie, I had to borrow one of his when I realised that the only hoodie I had brought was Gabe’s, I headed toward the tiny little park that was situated at the very end of the comfy little suburb. There weren’t many kids around, in fact only two little girls sat at the edge of the sand pit, so I had the swings all to myself.

I started to swing slowly, thinking over William’s words. ”He sounded kind of lonely.” That stupid guilt seeped back into my thoughts. I was being ridiculous and unfair, I knew that, so why couldn’t I just go talk to Gabe? He had as much to do with this mess as I did, and I knew he just wanted to talk it out, so why not put him out of his misery? Was I scared of something?

As my thoughts ran through my head faster, my legs pushed harder, pulling me through the air at such a force that I could almost believe I wasn’t swinging anymore. The two little girls chattered excitedly to each other as they noted how high I was in the air. I smiled. The feeling of being completely untouchable was my favourite sensation, something I didn’t have often.

The sudden sound of my name being called came as a shock and pried my concentration from pushing myself higher, and I almost toppled off the back of the swing. Steadying myself, I looked around the small park; the two girls were walking home, leaving only one more person in the park who I hadn’t noticed before.

The figure called my name again before walking closer to the swing set, close enough for me to realise who it was. Vicky. I knew I was being ludicrous, but I was the slightly apprehensive of talking to anyone out of Cobra, I didn’t know how much they knew, or how they would react about it.

“Hey,” Vicky said, sliding into the swing next to mine and I gave her a small smile to show I had acknowledged her. She started swinging slowly to match me, and smoothed her thumb down the edge of her pleated skirt.

“So, um, Gabe told me about... the other night,” She started off, not looking at me.

“Yeah...”

“Well, I uh, well I just thought you might need someone to talk to.”

“I’m fine, really. I just need some time to think through some stuff,” I said quietly, and Vicky nodded her head solemnly.

“I know it really isn’t any of my business, but you and Gabe are both my friends and both of you look pretty down. And I really don’t want to pry or seem pushy, but I have a habit of doing it anyway so here goes. The sooner you talk to Gabe about everything, the better it will get. I know it won’t be the easiest thing to do, but it has to be done. I can see its hurting you both as bad.” I nodded slowly, taking in her whole speech, silently wondering if she had rehearsed that. I wasn’t sure if I should feel grateful that she was helping me out, or angry that she was forcing me into something I didn’t want to do. But she was right, it did have to be done.

“You’re right. I know, I have to talk to him. I will. As soon as I can get the guts to go home,” I said, jumping of the swing and turning back to Vicky, who spoke before I could get a word in.

“I need you to tell me something. I mean, I don’t believe that anyone can be that oblivious to it but I have to know.”

“Excuse me?” I asked bewildered, she was making no sense and that was so unlike her.

“Could you ever see yourself loving Gabe more than a friend or a brother or however it is you see him now?” Vicky blurted out, seeming shocked at herself saying such a thing out loud.

“I-I got to go. I’ll s-see you round,” I spluttered, turning around and heading back to Caleb’s house at a fast walk, not wondering if Vicky was hurt at my behaviour. Just when I didn’t need any more questions to ask myself, Vicky ends up planting one more thing to worry about into my head.

Soon enough, I rushed through the front door and face planted onto the couch, breathing deeply and doubted if my brain could hurt anymore than it did.

“Ah, you’re back just in time!” Cassandra’s cheery call from the kitchen caused me to sit up properly, wondering if it was safe for her to be holding a mug of hot liquid.

“Caleb and I were just making hot chocolates! Would you like one?” Before I could answer, Caleb emerged from the kitchen with a smirk.

“Helping mom with hot chocolates is like purposely wanting to burn the house down!” Cassandra delivered a swift hit to the back of her son’s head, causing him to laugh and hide back in the kitchen.

“Caleb, whip up another hot chocolate!” Cassandra ordered with a smile, not even waiting for my answer.

“Yes, ma’am!” Cassandra settled herself next to me on the mismatched sofa, that didn’t seem to fit with any other piece of furniture, yet in a way it did, and threw the blanket sitting on the back of it over our feet.

“Boy troubles?” She asked with a knowing smile.

I sighed and lay my head on the couch with a small smile. “I guess you could say that.”
Cassandra grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Hun, I know I’m not your mother, nor am I trying to be, but you know you are like a daughter to me. Heck, sometimes a second daughter.” She jerked her head toward the kitchen where Caleb abruptly stopped singing ‘Girlfriend’ by Avril Lavigne.

“Hey, I heard that!” He called out and I giggled softly.

“Anyway, I may not know what exactly is going on in your life, though I know it’s something important from all the frowning you have been doing, but I know you will make the right decision. And I know I sound like someone right out of a chick flick, but sweet, all you have to do is go with your gut feeling. You know better than anyone else what you want, so don’t let other people’s opinions or feelings get in the way of what you desire.” Cassandra squeezed my hand again and before I could stop myself, I threw my arms around her like a child and clung to her.

I never really got to know my mother before she died, from being young and not really interested in what my parents had to offer. I regret that now, but as Cassandra placed her arms around me and I focused on not crying, I knew that I always had a mother-like figure to lean back on.

But her words had settled in my mind and I knew what I had to do.