It's the Mess That Feels So Right...

The sudden shifting of the light brought me to the surface of consciousness, but couldn’t bring me to open my eyes. I haven’t a clue how the sun could even reach me, the sun sets in my window, never rises. My head was throbbing, not a hangover as such, I hadn’t touched any alcohol, but from the lights, the people talking, the rhythm and the beats all colliding together to create one complete harmony. One complete, ear splitting, headache producing harmony.

I groaned as I rolled over, my legs tangling with sheets until I felt a warm body underneath me, arms appearing and wrapping around my waist securely. With this sudden realisation that I wasn’t alone in the bed, I started wriggling, trying to get out of the giant hands that were holding me steady. Furiously, I tried to think back to last night, I didn’t remember leaving with anyone, especially that of the male gender. In fact, I don’t even remember leaving at all.

What the hell happened last night? I considered screaming or kicking whoever was still holding me, the feel of their bare skin touching a completely innocent part of my body was still making my face hot, but a sudden sleepy voice made me forget the knee to the groin trick.

“Mi querida, no se puede mantener todavía?” Gabe’s husky, unused voice croaked out from underneath me as I stopped my squirming and my eyes shot open to look down at him with horror. His eyes were still firmly shut as his tanned face was scrunched up in pain, probably from those one-too-many-shots he had last night after challenging Ryland to a sculling competition.

“G-Gabriel, what am I doing in your bed?” I half whispered, trying to control my freaking out in thought of Gabe’s hangover. I began trying to move again, wanting my rapidly heating body away from Gabe’s lanky frame, but the bed sheets grabbed me and held me there, along with Gabe’s long arms that were still holding my waist.

This was wrong, I can’t remember what happened last night, what if I...

“Bee! Stopping moving and calm down. Last night, you fell asleep and I brought you home but was too exhausted and drunk to carry you down the hallway to your room so I just put you in here. I- I’m sorry if I upset you...” Gabe trailed off, looking a little hurt at the distress held in my eyes. I loosened up a bit, now that my last night mishaps were slightly less cloudy.

“No, no, I’m sorry, I just got a fright. Wait... I fell asleep last night?!” I asked loudly as Gabe winced at the sudden volume. I mouthed sorry and he smiled sleepily up at me.

“Yeah, I know, it was kinda funny but I guess you have been working hard over the last couple weeks because of exams and stuff...” Gabe trailed off, his eyes closing again as he yawned.

“Hmmm...” I hummed, my eyes slipping from sudden fatigue. A sudden thought flashed up in front of my eyes and I was suddenly awake again.

“Gabriel? Did you see the guy I was with last night?” I whispered to the nearly-asleep Gabe.

“Why? Did he hurt you? Tell me who he is and I’m going to go bash him!” Gabe, now suddenly alert, said angrily, his eyes open wide with furry.

“Gabriel, calm down.” I said, laughing at Gabe’s reaction. “Seriously, I just can’t remember who I was with, which is funny. He was so familiar and it’s driving me insane.” I was still thinking this when I saw Gabe’s eyes flutter close again and I smiled. I lay back down, curling more into the warmth that was Gabe’s body and let my eyes close to the feel of Gabe’s peaceful breathing.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, this registered wrong; here I was, sleeping next to my best friend, my legal guardian. But somewhere amongst all this confusion and hesitation, I found myself feeling, dare I say it, happy. I felt secure and loved and, well, complete. A mix of emotions I wasn’t use to feeling all at once in such an intense moment. But I was feeling it now, and I guess, I liked it. A lot.

-X-

The next time I opened my eyes, it wasn’t because the sun was peeking in through the window, it was because the bed was cold. Cold and very empty. I stumbled out of bed, rubbing my eyes until I emerged in the lounge, my ears pricking up at the sound of an acoustic guitar being lightly strummed. My feet padded along the carpet toward the tiny balcony, where Gabe was perched on a deck chair, the sun reflecting off his sunglasses as he played the mahogany guitar on his knee. I stopped walking and wrapped the curtain around me, peering out at Gabe with curiosity. He took a deep breath and began playing an unfamiliar tune.

“Not long ago, I gave up hope, but you came along. You gave me something I could hold on to, whoa-oh. And I want to...Hold on. More than you could ever know...” He stopped playing and sighed. This struck me as weird, I hardly ever saw Gabe look so drawn in and focused on his music as he was now. Usually he was all smiles and laughs, just having fun.

A sudden sneeze ratted me out and Gabe looked up at me with a smile. I gave him a guilty smile, unravelled myself from the puke-coloured curtains and tiptoed outside, taking a seat next to Gabe. He gave a startled smile and didn’t say anything.

“What song was that?”I whispered, studying his face as he answered.

“Oh, it was uh... a song, off the new album,” He replied, shifting in his seat awkwardly.

“Oh! Can I please hear it? You won’t let me hear any other of the songs off the album!” I said with a small pout, and then smiled. Gabe chuckled and nodded slowly.

“Well, it’s only a few more weeks and you, and the rest of the world, can hear it. Well, uh, this song is called The World Has It’s Shine, But I Would Drop It On A Dime.”

He began strumming again, and as soon as he opened his mouth and formed the lyrics perfectly, I began to get goose bumps. In the best possible way.

“I’m not one for love songs, the way I’m living makes you feel like giving up, but you don’t. And I want everything for you but disappointment, ‘cause you’ve been left behind. And the world has its shine; I would drop it on a dime for you. And whatever it takes, I’m going to make my way home; we can turn our backs on the past, and start over. Not long ago, I gave up hope, but you came along. You gave me something I could hold on to, whoa-oh. And I want to... Hold on. More than you could ever know.”

I was literally speechless, looking like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. Gabe took my stunned silence as a bad review and awkwardly scratched his head.

“That bad, huh?” He asked quietly.

“Bad? Are you shitting me? That was amazing! The lyrics... just wow. I loved it,” I replied honestly, blinking back tears from the beauty of the song. He smiled up shyly at me and was about to say something but a thought held him back. I kept looking at him, begging him with my eyes to continue.

“I’m glad you like it. It was written for you,” He whispered. My whole body froze, I had never seen Gabe like this since that first month after the accidents that left me with him. He looked so vulnerable that it hurt. I went to say something, whatever came out of my mouth first when Gabe quickly jumped up and strode inside, returning carrying a box with holes at the top in his hands and thrusting it in my hands.

I looked at it suspiciously, like it was going to bite me. “What is it?”

“You’re birthday present. I know it’s a day late but well, feliz cumpleaños!” Gabe said with a smile.

I opened the box, and peered inside. This action was followed by a high pitched squeal as I saw what waited for me inside the box.

“Gabriel!” I said, still slightly screaming from excitement. “You got me a puppy! Are we allowed one up here?”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” Gabe said with a smile that reached right up to his eyes as he looked at me pull out my new puppy, which was a white ball of fluff and paws.

“Oh, he’s adorable; I love him, thank you! How did you know I have always wanted a puppy?” I asked, not expecting an answer. If I had looked up from the puppy I had been affectionately stroking, I would have seen the pain cloud over Gabe’s face, the guilt stretched into every feature. Too bad I didn’t look up.

-Gabe’s PoV-

“She’s always wanted a doggie… No wait, a puppy! Yesh, she has always wanted a puppy but mum said nooooo… so I’m going to get her one. Right now,” Ben slurred, his voice mixing in with the vast amounts of alcohol he had consumed that night. I laughed, a hollow, drunken laugh as my intoxicated friend turned the car down yet another side street.

“Shut ya face, you are so drunk…” I garbled, laughing my loud laugh again.

“So are you… Oh! There’s a pet shop!” Ben, through his blurry eyes, swerved the car around into the parking lot. I was about to answer with a, “It won’t be open, dumbfuck”, when a jolt went through the car and the sound of metal teeth crunching on metal rang out. Glass flying everywhere, shards piercing my skin, and Ben’s loud sobbing slowly fading out of ear shot.

The cold, horrible truth? This was all my fault.