It's the Mess That Feels So Right...

I hadn’t even realised I had fallen asleep until I woke up, the silver light of the morning outlining the tears rolling down my face, as I shivered into the pillow. I bit my lip, as more tears rushed down to meet my drenched pillow, and on sudden impulse, I yelled out for Gabe. I wanted him, needed him here to make things better, to tell me I’m okay.

“Gabriel!” I cried out, my hollow voice echoing though out the silent hallway. His shallow snorings halted as I heard him shake himself awake, his heavy, clumsy steps thumping down the hallway, until his figure was in my doorway, looking flustered. I’d always wondered how he did that, look completely amazing even if he had just been asleep two seconds ago.
He walked over, rubbing sleep from his eyes and sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at me with a confused expression.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He whispered quietly. I sniffed pathetically, and inhaled a large amount of air, trying to clear my head before I attempted to speak.

“Can... can you stay for a bit?” I mumble, busying myself by sliding back under the covers, and moving over to leave space for Gabe. He looked even more confused, but didn’t say anything, just hopped under the covers and placed an arm around me for comfort. A fresh set of tears emerged, and Gabe noticed this straight away.

“Hey, now, what is all this about?” He pushed back my hair that was glued to my face, and squeezed my shoulders.

“Do...you remember that night? The one when you came home and I had tried to... take my own life?” I whispered, shutting my eyes tight as if the image was right in front of me.

“Yes. Of course. The scariest day of my life,” Gabe mumbled, and it broke me even more to hear that.

“I’m so sorry, Gabriel, so, so sorry!” I cried, burying myself into his shoulder and he held me tighter.

“I know, shhh, I know. Why are you bringing it up now, though?” Gabe muttered, stroking my hair.

“I had a dream, no, a nightmare. Of that night. Except it was you, you were trying to kill,” It took a lot for me to be able to ground that word out, “you were trying to kill yourself, and I came home and you were lying there, helpless and bleeding and... oh God. Now I know how it must have felt, I was so selfish and I can’t believe...”

“Bee! Hayden, shhh, that was a long time ago, and though I’m glad you won’t go down that road again, please don’t get too upset over it. It was a mistake, and you are here now, so I’m not angry,” Gabe whispered, trying to calm me down so that my sobs were now only quiet hiccups. Maybe it was stupid to get so worked up about it, but that nightmare had felt so real, and I had felt so weak seeing him like that and now I know how it felt, I needed him to know that I understood.

“So, are you okay now?” Gabe asked, looking around awkwardly. I understood, he was a male, and most males have no idea how to handle the water works, but Gabe was doing pretty well this time.

“Yeah,” I breathed in again. “I’m alright, thank you, Gabriel.”

“You’re welcome, mi querida. Goodnight.” Gabe kissed my forehead and pulled the covers up, and slowly my eyes began to fall again.

-X-
“There is nothing like waking up to the smell of processed cheese in the morning,” I muttered as I stumbled out into the lounge slash kitchen, as Gabe looked up with a mouthful of cheesy pasta and smiled.

“We are out of Lucky Charms,” He said, his mouth still full. I cringed at the sight, this just made him laugh.

“Okay, out of cereal, got it.” I noted, and pushed past Gabe toward the fridge, where the all mighty Pop Tarts lived. This was interrupted with two voices, joined with Gabe.

“Hello,”

“Hellooooo,”

“Helloooooooooooooo,”

“Hello!” Ryland, Suarez and Gabe said together with a laugh. I rolled my eyes, they did this nearly every time, but I still smiled.

“Right, well we need to finish our list of stuff to get at Wal-Mart before the tour starts, which is in an hour,” Ryland said, checking his Hannah Montana watch as Suarez stole my Pop Tart. I glared at him and looked over at the list Gabe and Ryland had begun working on.

“Chuck Norris DVD’s, socks, underwear, Reese’s peanut butter cups, Gizmo food, toilet paper, guns, brass knuckles...” I read aloud, holding off from laughing until I was finished.

“Are you guys serious? You can’t get Reese’s peanut butter cups at Wal-Mart!”

“Alright ladies, are you reading to go?” Nate said with a smirk, sauntering in followed by a smiling Vicky-T. I waved at them, and then bent down to pour some puppy food into the bowl for my new puppy.

“You got a puppy!” Suarez squealed, leaning down to pet my puppy. Victoria joined him and introduced my puppy to the wriggling Gizmo that she held in her hand.

“Is that a rat with fur?” Ryland asked, his nose crinkled. I smacked his arm and he laughed, I have a pathetic hit.

“Alright, alright, sorry,” He chuckled and patted the puppy on the head.

“Thought of any names?” Gabe asked, taking a swig of the orange juice, completely ignoring that cup he was supposed to drink that out of.

“Well, uh, not yet but one will come along eventually,” I said, picking up the little puppy in my arms.

“Well, sorry to love you and leave you, but we have to get our ridiculously good looking butts on that bus!” Nate said, giving me a quick side hug, Suarez following suit , almost tackling me. Vicky gave me a hug and everyone ‘awed’ when Gizmo and my puppy touched noses, or kissed as Ryland put it. Ryland and Gabe were last out of the door, heaving the last bag of Gabe’s shoes out of the apartment. After a few more hugs, Gabe kissed my forehead.

“Be good,” Gabe said with a smirk.

“I could say the same thing,” I laughed and he stuck his tongue out.

“Well we should be back in three weeks for the release party, okay?”

“Alright then, have fun, love you, bye!” I said, as he turned around, flashing me one more smile and following after the rest of Cobra. I sighed and began to get ready for another week of school.

-X-

“Caleb! Caleb!” I poked his side again. It was the middle of maths, and Caleb viewed this as a free period, which equalled him being able to sleep.

“Bee, shut up, I’m trying to learn,” He mumbled, turning his head and resting it on his arms that were folded in front of him, his eyes still shut. I sighed, and started poking him again.

“Caleb Jared! This is important!” I whined.

“Alright mom, I’m up, now what is this life threateningly important ordeal?” He asked, giving me a sleepy smile as Mr Herts cast a glare over at our corner but didn’t say anything.

“Did you see the guy I was with on Saturday?” I asked and Caleb took a second to think back that far.

“No, I didn’t. I was a little bit too plastered, but I know the drill. Don’t give out any information about his whereabouts to Gabe so that he can live to see tomorrow, got it,” Caleb said with a laugh, I laughed too, knowing that if Caleb did know something, he would probably tell Gabe unless I told him not too.

“Thanks Caleb, so are you coming over tonight?” I asked, pretending to look busy by writing down the theory notes on the board.

“Maybe I could swing round sometime tonight, if my schedule isn’t too busy. I’ll pencil you in,” He said, smirking and I rolled my eyes.

-X-

Finally Monday, the worst day in the whole damn week, was over and like every other slightly sane person in this school; I was rushing to the front gates so I could get out of this hell hole. The walk home was a drag without Caleb to keep me entertained, but I guess his grandmother does deserve to him see him sometime as well.

I jogged up the stairs and began exploring the never ending depths of my school bag for my key. Just as I fished it out, a tall figure that I hadn’t noticed before, straightened up from leaning on the wall and walked toward me. I looked at him, slightly shocked.

“William?”