Butterflies and Hurricanes

Kirsty had opted to sleep with me in my huge bed tonight, apparently Brian always slept next to her in wolf form. As she'd told me in confidence, I'd immediately wondered why Zack didn't do it. But then I remembered his mum, and knew that if Zack got caught sleeping anywhere near me, he'd be skinned.

Well not literally, he's a little stronger than his mum but still.

But she wanted me next to her, as apparently she wouldn't be able to sleep on her own now. I didn't mind, we'd often slept in the same bed at her house, a little sleepover thing or something. It was fun.

Right now, Kirsty was practically asleep already, her breathing slow and deep as I lay on my back, wide awake. I couldn't sleep, I wasn't even tired. I couldn't sleep knowing that Zack wasn't in the house with me, I couldn't do it. Not knowing exactly where he was was driving me insane. I wonder if he was able to sleep tonight.

I'm not even a wolf yet I'm pining for him. Pining for my beautiful black wolf.

A bang downstairs alerted me to something, and I sat up sharply. Kirsty opened her eyes, thick with sleep that had nearly caught her up, and sat up when she noted me sitting up as well. She looked alert suddenly as another noise echoed up the stairs, and panic crippled me almost.

Oh God Zacky, I need you.

Was the first thought that run through my mind, but I quickly quenched it and thrust it away. Zacky couldn't come running back for me on the night he needed to be away from me most. It was probably just a burglar or something, I don't know.

Looking at Kirsty, I noted her wide eyes and smiled reassuringly at her, throwing the covers off my body and standing up. She gasped and shook her head instantly as I made towards the door, begging me to come back.

"What if it's a killer Sarah?" She whispered anxiously. I merely smiled at her and shrugged.

"We'll die anyway then. I'd much rather go out first and give you some warning to hide; you might stand a chance then. And besides, it's probably just a burglar or something, maybe even a cat. I'll go check it out," She bit her lip before nodding slightly, and burying herself in the covers.

I exited the room quietly, and padded down the hallway, thankful I had no shoes on to make noise that would alert whoever it was. As I began to make my way down the huge staircase, hugging the handrail tightly, I began to find myself pining for Zack more than ever.

It almost hurt to be away from him, to know that he's out there and could get injured or even killed and I would never know. I'd never feel it. At that thought, a pang of hurt ran through me and I stifled a gasp, so as not to give away my position.

Give me strength Zack.

I noted the kitchen, and headed towards it slowly, my breath held as I peeked round the corner. It was still dark inside, and I made my way inside slowly. There appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary, and so I began a sweep of all the rooms downstairs.

There was nothing there.

Opening the front door quietly with the key on the table next to it, I peered outside and almost screamed when I saw the luminous eyes of the cat staring at me on the porch. And then I noted the broken vase next to him, and let out a sigh of relief. It was only a stupid cat.

Closing the door and locking it behind me, I leant back against it and almost giggled at my panic.

Opening my eyes again, I nearly did scream out when I saw Zack's mum exit the kitchen, a hateful glare sent my way as she held a glass of water. I gulped silently and stayed against the door, watching as she looked over me and sneered.

"I don't see what Zack see's in you," She hissed, and I cringed back against the door. I held my tongue for once, not wanting to anger Zack's mum anymore than she already was. I was positive she hated every fibre of my body, and I concentrated on the fact that Zack loved me more than enough.

"Cat got your tongue? Not surprised, you're just scum, not worthy of anything. My maids are more worthy of my son than you are. What on Earth does he see in you? You're worthless; you wouldn't even sell for $100 as a maid. You're not even pretty, you're downright ugly and I can't stand the look of you," I tried to ignore it, I really did.

"You even smell strange, I suppose that's what scum smells like. That Kirsty is more like it, a Lady, and far more worth my son's attention. Shame young Brian Haner got to her first. I would've loved to see my son with such a beautiful, well-spoken women. She's worthy to take the Baker name. Not some little whore like you,"

Its all lies, Zack loves me, ignore her.

"Zack probably doesn't even love you, he's probably lying about the soulmate thing. There's no way the bond picked you for him. I reckon he's only with you because of Kirsty. I have no doubt she would have never left you alone in London, and as such Zack decided to be the sporting man I know he is, and thought of Brian, and so claimed you were his soulmate. He's taking pity on you, it's so obvious, and he has no intentions of actually staying with you at all. It's all out of pity, done so Brian can enjoy his beautiful fiancée. No doubt my son shall leave you once Kirsty is married,"

I couldn't ignore that, and made my way up the stairs slowly, ignoring her laughter behind me.

"He's never going to love you little Sarah. How could anyone love such a dirty whore?"

I poked my head round the bedroom door, telling Kirsty what it was before telling I was going to sit outside for a while because I didn't feel well. She nodded slowly, and I could tell she was falling asleep quickly.

I'd made sure Zack's mum had gone, before slipping out the door and moving onto the beach. The water was calming and peaceful, but I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my eyes. They were hot, and filled with hatred of myself. She was right, why would Zack, perfect, rich, Zack, love me? How could he? I wasn't worthy of this. She was probably right; this was probably all out of pity.

After all, how could someone love me?