Butterflies and Hurricanes

Sitting on the windowsill, my knees curled up against my chest as I stared out of the large window, watching the sea slowly break as it clashed against the shore. It was such a powerful force of nature, one that could destroy buildings, lives and anything that got in its path if it so wished.

For the past week, I have avoided my beloved Zacky. I have avoided all conversation with him, it is what I think is best in my view. He will do better if I start severing connections now. I'm sure he doesn't want some snivelling whore on his arm when he's trying to be rid of me. It will hurt less to cut it off now.

I wonder if my life would have been better if I'd stayed at home. I know for a fact it would have been better if the Ripper had just killed me as soon as he'd found me. Then Kirsty and Brian would be able to come to America and Zack could find some pretty, well-bred Lady to produce adorable children with.

In fact, it would have been better if I'd never met any of them. If I'd just been alone. It would be better that way.

I heard the door open downstairs, the main doors, and quiet murmuring. The house was practically silent so I could hear nearly everything. However, I got up anyway, just to listen more in depth.

"You need to talk to her Kirsty. I don't know what's wrong with her," I heard Zack say quietly. A frown creased my brow. Was he talking about me?

"What's wrong with her?" Kirsty's voice was curious, I could tell from here. A sigh was heard and I automatically knew it was Zack for some reason.

"It sounds stupid but, I think someone's broken her spirit or something. You know if you treat a horse badly, and abuse it, and it's too frightened and quiet to put up a fight? You've broken its spirit. Well it's like since I came back, someone's got to her and broken her spirit. She's so quiet now, and she won't talk to me. You remember my Sarah, the loud, argumentative, raucous ball of fun. She won't even look at me in the eyes now. My Sarah's been broken and she's quiet, and shy, and meek and I don't like it. I want my Sarah back. Just please talk to her,"

His voice was quiet and pleading.

It was then that I heard the soft pads climbing the stairs, and I rushed back to my seat on the windowsill, gaining my position again and only looking once the door was opened and Kirsty entered quietly. She met my eyes straight on, as if to test me, and I tried to hold the gaze, but I couldn't, and my eyes fell to the floor.

I was like a submissive dog now.

"Sarah what's wrong?" She asked softly. I shrugged, pretending not to understand what she meant. All was silent, and I knew that Kirsty was contemplating what on Earth had happened. Nobody knew that Zack's mother had berated me, and she'd done it twice more this week. I felt lower than the rats in this place.

"Do you want to come with me? We can talk on the way," She smiled. I looked at her and shrugged once again, taking my place next to her as we walked down the hallway and the staircase. Zack was in the living room, along with his parents, and he looked at me hopefully. I was about to smile at him, until I caught his mother's gaze, and her smug smirk.

Instantly the courage I'd built to show emotion to Zack was broken again.

We moved outside, and Kirsty let me enter the carriage first, before entering herself. I see she was making full use of Brian's riches, and I smiled weakly at her. She looked surprised, but grinned in return, evidently happy at me trying.

"Now, you need to tell me what on earth is wrong with you. Zack is worried sick," She scolded me, pointing her finger at me intently and I looked down. Biting my lip, I wondered how to explain to her. I couldn't figure out how, and so shrugged slightly. She let out a sigh of exasperation.

"Ok well, you're coming to Brian's to help me and Brian's mother plan some parts of the wedding and the engagement party," She beamed at me. My eyes widened at this, and a sinking feeling fell in my stomach.

"Engagement party?" I asked softly. She looked at me strangely and nodded.

"Yes, a party to tell the whole community of riches that me and Brian are to be wed. It's going to be amazing, and it will feel so nice to see all the girls whom Brian had courted before hand scowling at me with such fury at the fact I have him and they don't," She smirked, the image obviously playing in her head.

I wasn't really paying attention. It hurt, I admit, but what did I expect? This was Zack's family we were talking about. If his mother didn't want it, it wasn't going to happen. In fact, why was I so bothered? Zack's not even going to actually marry me, that's probably why he's not arranged anything.

That hurt, and I looked out of the window as I desperately tried to stop the tears.

"So when is your party? We've decided that ours is to be in two weeks time, and then the wedding, we still have to decide that date you know? But I think the sooner the better personally," She looked so happy, and I inconspicuously wiped my tears.

"I haven't got one," I mumbled. Kirsty stopped in her speech and looked at me wide eyed.

"What? Why not? I expected you both to marry before Brian, and me why aren't you having a party? You need to announce it to all the families around here so they can stop trying with Zack," I merely shrugged and looked out the window.

"I'm not important enough in Zack's mother's eyes. It'll just be a waste of money anyway. Everyone will laugh at me and be making snide comments behind my back. Telling each other how sorry they must feel for Zack for getting lumped with me when Brian Haner got the beautiful, well-spoken Lady from London," My words were slightly bitter, but I couldn't help that.

Kirsty was silent in shock.

"What do you mean you're not important enough? Sarah, Zack loves you so much, he put his life on the line for you. He wouldn't have brought you here if he didn't love you. How can you say that Sarah? You're so well mannered and polite, anyone would be lucky to get you for a wife, and I can't think of no better man than Zack," She said softly, placing her hand on my arm.

I stared at my sleeves quietly, not saying anything.

"Do you think Brian's mother will like me?" Or will she despise me and laugh at me behind my back, talking to Mrs Baker about how sorry she feels for her, that her son came home with the barrel dregs. If she will sneer at me and make a comment. I wouldn't be surprised.

Looking at Kirsty's worried expression, I hoped not. I hoped to God she didn't, I don't think I could manage another one.