Butterflies and Hurricanes

Mrs Haner herded us both into a room to the side, our line of sight blocked by the door closing behind her. She smiled hesitantly at Kirsty and sighed softly, looking down at her shoes.

“I’m sorry your night was ruined Kirsty,” She said, coming to sit by us. Kirsty’s face was full of worry for Brian, we didn’t know what was happening to him now but I hope he was ok. But my mind was plagued for Zack.

I couldn’t help it, I knew I was being irrational when it was Brian who was the injured one here, but images of the night when I’d almost lost him had come rushing back and everything had hit me so hard when I’d been stuck in that closet without Kirsty.

There was a possibility Zack could have died then. He’d been the one on the back of that lion, being swung around, and as I’d seen through the open door I’d frozen and panicked. Zack was literally my life now.

I had nothing here but him, if he died, his parents wouldn’t take me in. His mother would kick me out onto the curb. I had no money so I couldn’t go back to London, the guys wouldn’t really want me with them as I’d just be the mourning depressed girl and I couldn’t impose upon Brian and Kirsty.

I’d be alone in this big state. Without Zack I was nothing.

I wasn’t focusing on what Kirsty and Mrs Haner were discussing together, it was almost as if they were in a different world to me as I could see them but couldn’t hear them talking.

My hands were wringing together nervously as I stared at the door, waiting for Zack to come through. I couldn’t take my eyes of it now; I was willing him to come through all right. He had to be all right, he had to be. He couldn’t be injured.

“Sarah? Sarah are you listening to me?” Kirsty’s voice came through to my ears finally, causing me to look at her with wide startled eyes. I hadn’t even known she was addressing me I’d been too caught up in my worry for Zack.

“Yes?” I whispered very softly, not trusting my voice. I heard the waver in it, and saw Kirsty’s face crease into a frown instantly. I looked down, guilty at the fact I’d made her worry when it was her fiancée who had been the one who’d been taken away bleeding.

“Are you okay? You’ve been ignoring me for me for a while now? What’s wrong?” She asked, coming next to me and wrapping her arm around my shoulder. I jerked slightly and looked at her face, biting my lip.

“I’m okay, I think. You shouldn’t be worrying about me; you should be worrying about Brian. I’m just being selfish,” I whispered, tears rising in my eyes. I was being a selfish friend, I should be the one comforting her but instead she was the one comforting me. Could I get more selfish?

“Sarah no, I need something to take my mind of Brian. Please, just tell me what it is,” She whispered. I bit my lip and looked back down at my hands.

“I could have just lost my life then if something had happened to Zack,” I whispered softly, unwilling to really give it all away. She sighed softly and hugged me tightly.

“Sarah don’t say that, of course you’d still have a life. You just, wouldn’t have Zack,” I shook my head vehemently and stood up, pacing around the small room that we were in. The window showed us the dark garden outside, the light from the room flooding the small area in front of us.

“No I wouldn’t! You would if you lost Brian as much as I don’t want that to happen. You have Brian’s family who all love you, and you have enough money to go back to London if you so wished. I cannot, if Zack dies that’s it! His mother detests me and would kick me out of the house if she didn’t kill me first! I have no money so I have nowhere to go, the guys wouldn’t take me in as it’s not practical. And you and Brian are too busy with your wedding and honeymoon and you’ll be making kids to want a depressed me around! I’ll have nothing!” I sobbed, tears falling from my eyes.

She sat silently along with Mrs Haner as they both sat on the sofa watching me. I wanted Zack back and soon.

“Sarah, I don’t think Zack’s dad would let her kick you out of the house,” She said softly. I shook my head once more, pacing along the floorboards that made the floor itself. That wasn’t true.

“No he wouldn’t. I’d go unnoticed to everyone if he died. Hell I’m unnoticed to everyone now!” I whimpered, turning to face the window once more. I was so selfish for doing this when god knows what was happening to Brian right now.

“Sarah you’re not unnoticed. Everyone sees you. You’re too beautiful to go by unnoticed in this world. You look beautiful now, just like you did earlier. I swear Sarah that wouldn’t happen,” I slumped down the wall and looked at them dejectedly.

“Yes it would. I’m a lowlife to everyone here. This is the place of the rich and I don’t belong here. Everyone here knows you’re going to be married to Brian. They know that you’re going to live happily ever after. No one even knows I exist because of his mother. You got the lavish amazing party to announce it to California and I got nothing. I don’t even know why I’m so upset. I should be used to having nothing,

“I’ve had nothing all my life, I should be used to this. But I thought that maybe now that I had Zack, and he was rich it might change you know? I don’t want to sound like I’m just here for the money; you know I’m not Kirsty. But I thought my outlook might change. I might not be a nobody anymore. Instead I’m still a nobody, just surrounded by somebody’s. You’ve got it all Kirsty, you’ve always had a title to your name and now you’re going to be so well known around here. No one knows me and all I’ll ever be is a slum girl who will never be enough for Zack,” Tears streamed down my face.

Biting my lip, I wondered if I should finally tell her what had been plaguing me. I love Kirsty more than anything except Zack. She was my best friend and in my eyes she always would be. But I’d always been worried about this.

“I’m worried that you might forget me. You’ll fit into this life style so well and I just can’t. I can’t do this, I can’t act all proper and act like I was born into this. I wasn’t. I’m worried you’ll find someone of your own status who’ll take over my place. I’m frightened I’ll be alone with just Zack,” Bowing my head I let myself cry.

I’ve said it so many times, but I’m selfish. I’m selfish because Kirsty is hurting right now and all I’ve down is a make a scene of myself. I always made it about me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did drop me. Because what kind of friend did this?

I hoped she wasn’t mad at me.