Butterflies and Hurricanes

Mrs Haner left soon after Kirsty, leaving me in a small pile on the floor staring at my hands as the tears kept falling. She was angry with me, I knew it. I knew she’d be angry with me, I’m ridiculous. Pathetic, how stupid of me to do this now. What a stupid girl. Kirsty was going to be so angry with me.

I didn’t even realise the door had opened and that Zack had come in until he was knelt in front of me, lifting up my chin gently. I eyed him quietly, my face wet with the tears that kept falling. Zack sighed and reached into his back pocket, pulling out the bow tie he’d had on earlier and using it to wipe my face clean.

“Don’t cry bambina, why are you crying? You have nothing to be sad about my sweetheart. Brian will be fine and so am I,” He asked softly. I took a shaking breath and let my head fall quietly.

“I made Kirsty mad at me because I was selfish,” I whispered quietly, my voice thick with sadness. I’ve never had Kirsty mad at me before. I don’t like it.

Zack sighed softly, kissing my forehead and lifting me up in his arms. I let him do it, completely limp in his arms, just letting my head flop onto his shoulder as he steadied himself, making sure everything on me was covered up before heading out of the door he had come through.

The hallway was quiet; Matt was coming down the stairs slowly and frowned upon seeing me. I merely closed my eyes and cuddled more into Zack, enjoying the warmth and the scent that filled my nose.

“Is she ok?” He asked, I presume he gestured towards me or something. Zack nodded, I could feel it as he held me closer to me.

“Yeah just, shook up I’m going to take her home ok. Tell Brian I’ll see him later when he’s better all right? And, tell Kirsty not to take it to heart. She’ll know what I mean,” He turned and we went out of the front door, Matt opening the door up for us and allowing us out into the cool night air.

“She’ll be okay, I promise. You’ll both be back to being the terrorising duo from England soon enough, I’m sure of it. I can’t imagine you two not being best friends anymore than I could imagine me not being a wolf,” He spoke quietly as he put me into the carriage that was readily awaiting him.

He climbed up after and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around and pulling me into his chest. Kissing it gently, I let out a soft sigh and closed my eyes, wishing for the night to be over already. I wish I could stop being so ridiculous and fragile.

What happened to me? I used to be brash and bold and full of words that would make a sailor squirm. Now I was weak and quiet, so unlike myself. I took to heart things that I shouldn’t, such as the incident that has just happened. Nothing happened to Zack except a few bruises and cuts, and yet I went of the edge.

“What’s happened to me Zack?” I asked quietly, looking up at him through my heavy eyelids. I wanted to sleep so much, crying always did this. I wasn’t too used to crying, I didn’t do a whole lot before I came here. Then again, I used to do a lot of things that I don’t do now, as stated before. I wonder whether America really is a good thing for me.

“What do you mean sweetheart? You’re fine, nothing’s wrong with you,” He said, frowning lightly and looking down at me, scanning over my body and wondering what I was talking about obviously.

“I’ve changed, I’m not me. I was loud and well you saw me. You saw first hand what I used to be like, and now I’m this. A horrible crying wreck that practically insults her best friend when she doesn’t mean to and is being a complete bitch lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I swear to god,” I whispered, closing my eyes once more and laying my head on his chest again.

“You’ve not changed that much. I mean, sure you’re quieter lately but you’re still my Sarah. Still as beautiful as you were when I first saw you, still as opinionated as you once were. Just because you’re growing quieter and gaining more of an insight into the world doesn’t mean you’re changing in a bad way. It means you’re growing up properly. You’re growing up, changing to become more mature, ready for whatever marriage brings, ready to raise our children and ready to become an adult. That doesn’t mean it’s bad,” He spoke softly.

Shudders ran through my body at his mention of children. I was getting used to the idea of marriage, taking his name as my own and bounding us to each other for life in the eyes of god and the law. Children are a whole different level. They require constant care and attention, love and teaching. My stomach turned at the thought. Was I ready to be a mother; I can barely get myself through the day without screwing up somehow.

I did want children with Zack, more than anything I want to carry his child and bring it into the world and care for our baby. Carrying on his family line and the werewolf line hopefully. But I wasn’t sure if I was ready.

For one thing, we would have to be intimate. Intimate in ways I have never ever been with a man. The only thing I’ve ever done is kissing, and sure sometimes with Zack that got a little heated but it didn’t mean I’d ever done anything. Of course on our wedding night it would be expected of us to properly consummate the marriage in full.

I wanted it with him, but the idea itself made me wriggle slightly. He would be touching places that no one had ever touched before, and yes they were for him now but it still made me blush and become exceptionally shy.

“Well maybe it is because of that then, but I’m still so childish sometimes,” I whispered. He sighed and kissed my head gently.

“You are still only eighteen years of age, that’s young. You’re still a child in some senses, the body develops quicker than the mind sometimes does it not? But it does not mean you are an adult any less,” I smiled at his words. He certainly did have a way of making me feel better about myself.

“I cannot wait to be married to you. Whether we have a big fancy wedding like Kirsty and Brian or just a small one, I do not care. I want you all the same,” His small smile turned rapidly into a grin and I couldn’t help but giggle at it.

“I cannot wait either,” He brought up my hand, kissing the engagement ring that was adorning my finger before pressing his lips to mine in a sweet kiss that was obviously an attempt to calm me down. It worked I’ll give him that.

“Nor can I wait to have children with you. No matter what my mother says, you are beautiful and you will produce beautiful children too. Everyone can see that and anyone who disagrees is a fool,” I smiled and flushed slightly, cuddling more into his chest as his grand house slowly loomed up through the carriage window.

I will try to resolve things with Kirsty, maybe not tomorrow, for it will be too soon after what I had done. But sometime this week, before it begins to fester and our relationship turns sour. I do not want to lose my best friend, I could think of only one thing worse, and that would be losing Zack.

I hope she will accept my apology.