Hold Me up Just a Little Bit Longer

Do you really love him?

The question kept appearing in my head, over and over and over until I had a migraine.

“I’ll never go back to Georgia, not at least till I have to…”

I quietly walk over to my stereo and turn down the music of my best friend. We’ve been friends since we were so little, and he went on to be famous in the most amazing band ever. We still talked all the time, and I’m glad we do, because little does he know, but I’ve been in love with him for so long. I’m just to chicken to tell him.

But no, not today. I called Derek earlier and told him I needed to talk to him about something very important. This is it. I’m going to tell him once he gets here. I hope he doesn’t hate me after I tell him.

I’m serious, Cristal, do you really love him?

God, I hate my conscience. I wish it would shut up; I really, really do love him. More than he could ever know.

There goes the doorbell. Holy shit, am I ready to tell him? Is he going to hate me? Will he ever talk to me again? I swear, if he hates me for this, I’ll kill myself.

I open the door and put on the best smile I can manage, but I know it’s not working because as soon as I open the door and Derek sees me, his eyes look troubled.

“Hey, Derek.” I mumble, already knowing he sees right through my fake smile.

“Cristal, what’s wrong?” he says. He’s such a sweet boy; he always can make me feel better.

“Listen, I need to talk to you. I know you’re going to hate me after this.” I feel my eyes getting hot, but I can’t cry, not right now. I’ve cried in front of him way to many times and I hate crying.

“About what, Cristal? You’re beginning to scare me.”

“Erm, let’s go sit on the couch.”

He follows me into the living room, and we sit down together on the couch, and for a few minutes we just stare at each other awkwardly.

Then he breaks the silence, saying “Okay, Cristal, what’s wrong? Please tell me, I’m worried about you Cristal.”

“I… I…” I stammer, trying to think of how to say this.

“Go on…” he encourages me, for probably the last time.

“I want to tell you that… I… I…”

All of a sudden, I feel Derek’s lips crashing into mine, and my heart is beating so fast I think it’s unhealthy.

He keeps kissing me passionately, and breaks away for about 2 seconds just to say, “I need you, Cristal.”

He grabs me and runs to my room, still kissing me, but making me gasp for breath.

We run into my room, and he shuts and locks the door, then we fall onto my bed, and he slowly starts unbuttoning my pants. I still can’t believe this is happening.

Before you know it, all our clothes are off, and there we are on the bed.

***

We obviously fell asleep, because it’s 10am and I just I woke up, still lying in the bed, with Derek right next to me still sleeping. Did we seriously just do it?

I feel Derek moving, and I look and he’s waking up, his eyes droopy but still gorgeous. He looks at me with wide eyes, and then looks at the bed and around the room. His eyes start watering.

“I ruined it, didn’t I? I ruined my chance of having you. I’m sorry, I’ll leave, its okay if you hate me now.” I know he’s crying as he starts to leave.

I grab his arm, pull him back onto the bed, and kiss him, a long, steady kiss. The one I’ve wanted to give him for so many years now.

“You remember I was going to tell you something last night, but I never did because you kissed me?”

He hesitates, and with more tears forming in his eyes, he says with a choked voice, “Break the bad news to me.”

“It’s not bad news...” I take a deep breath…

“I love you, Derek Sanders, I love you.”

He smiles, and I can tell this is all going to work out.