The Portrait
Chapter Six
I kissed Erin under the gray sunlight. I kissed her without thinking. Just like I had jumped off the swing. Without thinking. This close to her, I could smell her, all around me. She smelled like roses. Or if not roses then something floral. I vaguely wondered what her favorite flower was. I wanted to fill her house with flowers. I wanted to draw her perfect face. I wanted to kiss her forever.
Kiss her...suddenly, it hit me.
I was KISSING her. I was kissing Erin. We weren't dating, we hardly knew eachother, we were just friends. And here I was, kissing her in front of God and anybody else who cared to watch.
I opened my eyes.
And then I was running. Running fast. Away. From my embarrassing mistake. From Erin. From that damn swingset. I could not believe what I had just done. I could not believe that I was running. I was potentially doing something very stupid. No, there was no potential about it. This was very stupid. I was VERY stupid.
I reached the edge of the park and I glanced behind me. I could just make out a smudge of green that was Erin's sweater. She was still by the swingsets, standing now and watching me run from her.
Watching me. I did not have to see her to know that her beautiful green eyes were most likely narrowed in disgust at my rude behavior.
She undoubtably hated me.
......................................................................................................................................................................
I sat in my shabby apartment and contemplated the ceiling. Actually, when lying on your back its very hard to view anything else. I was hungry and uncomfortable. I was mopey and unhappy and hungry.
This hungry thing was really beginning to bother me. Alot. I usually could just wander down the street and get a free sandwich from Erin. But...that was proving impssible. I just couldn't manage to look her in the face. So I was just not going anywhere near her at all. Childish? obviously. Safer? Most definitly.
It's not that she had sent me hate mail or had shown up screaming in the past two days since the Problem in the Park (as I was referring to it in my head). Actually, I hadn't seen her at all. Not sice I had looked over my shoulder to see her standing alone by the swings. I still felt so stupid. I mean, how rude could I be? She was so nice to me, my only friend in New York.
And I had stepped over the boundaries of friendship.
SEE? This is what just doing, not thinking gets you.
I sat for awhile and let my brain mentally take an inventory of my refrigerator. Uhm, lets see...chinese (disgusting when it's warm, but it IS cheap) and a head of lettuce. I'm not quite sure WHY I had a head of lettuce, but at the time it had seemed appropriate to buy. I opened my fridge and pulled out the drawer that held the said lettuce. What rolled to the front did not resemble lettuce. It didn't even resemble a food. It did resemble however, a horrible smell. And a disgusting ball of slime.
I shut the drawer. There was no way I was touching that. Ever. It could just stay there for all I cared.
I stared at my empty fridge. There went my only option for food it would seem. Fantastic.
Just then, a knock on my door.
I peered throught the peep hole.
It wasn't the pizza man brought forth by the growling of my stomach. It was Erin.
I stumbled back away from the door.
"Oh, fuck. Oh God." I whispered. I did not want to have this conversation. My stomach growled. Loudly. I clamped a hand over the offending organ as if Erin could hear it. I grimaced, the walls were thin, but nothing is that thin.
"Matthew?" I heard her ask. Oh God! Maybe she did here it. Then it struck me. Matthew, not Dorian. Serious trouble. She never called me Matthew. Ever. I backed away from the door and edged along the wall as if she could see me.
"Matthew? It's Erin?" she called again.
I waited a moment and then creeped back to the peep hole. She was gone. I hurried to my only window and peered down into the street. I could see her from where I stood. She was wearing a black jacket and jeans. Her copper hair was escaping from the pointless chopsticks. As I watched she hailed down a taxi and then looked up at my window.
And waved.
At me.
Because she could see me.
Because I am an idiot and standing in the window like the moron that I am.
I ducked away quickly, as pointless as that was.
Oh my God.
I hate my life.
Kiss her...suddenly, it hit me.
I was KISSING her. I was kissing Erin. We weren't dating, we hardly knew eachother, we were just friends. And here I was, kissing her in front of God and anybody else who cared to watch.
I opened my eyes.
And then I was running. Running fast. Away. From my embarrassing mistake. From Erin. From that damn swingset. I could not believe what I had just done. I could not believe that I was running. I was potentially doing something very stupid. No, there was no potential about it. This was very stupid. I was VERY stupid.
I reached the edge of the park and I glanced behind me. I could just make out a smudge of green that was Erin's sweater. She was still by the swingsets, standing now and watching me run from her.
Watching me. I did not have to see her to know that her beautiful green eyes were most likely narrowed in disgust at my rude behavior.
She undoubtably hated me.
......................................................................................................................................................................
I sat in my shabby apartment and contemplated the ceiling. Actually, when lying on your back its very hard to view anything else. I was hungry and uncomfortable. I was mopey and unhappy and hungry.
This hungry thing was really beginning to bother me. Alot. I usually could just wander down the street and get a free sandwich from Erin. But...that was proving impssible. I just couldn't manage to look her in the face. So I was just not going anywhere near her at all. Childish? obviously. Safer? Most definitly.
It's not that she had sent me hate mail or had shown up screaming in the past two days since the Problem in the Park (as I was referring to it in my head). Actually, I hadn't seen her at all. Not sice I had looked over my shoulder to see her standing alone by the swings. I still felt so stupid. I mean, how rude could I be? She was so nice to me, my only friend in New York.
And I had stepped over the boundaries of friendship.
SEE? This is what just doing, not thinking gets you.
I sat for awhile and let my brain mentally take an inventory of my refrigerator. Uhm, lets see...chinese (disgusting when it's warm, but it IS cheap) and a head of lettuce. I'm not quite sure WHY I had a head of lettuce, but at the time it had seemed appropriate to buy. I opened my fridge and pulled out the drawer that held the said lettuce. What rolled to the front did not resemble lettuce. It didn't even resemble a food. It did resemble however, a horrible smell. And a disgusting ball of slime.
I shut the drawer. There was no way I was touching that. Ever. It could just stay there for all I cared.
I stared at my empty fridge. There went my only option for food it would seem. Fantastic.
Just then, a knock on my door.
I peered throught the peep hole.
It wasn't the pizza man brought forth by the growling of my stomach. It was Erin.
I stumbled back away from the door.
"Oh, fuck. Oh God." I whispered. I did not want to have this conversation. My stomach growled. Loudly. I clamped a hand over the offending organ as if Erin could hear it. I grimaced, the walls were thin, but nothing is that thin.
"Matthew?" I heard her ask. Oh God! Maybe she did here it. Then it struck me. Matthew, not Dorian. Serious trouble. She never called me Matthew. Ever. I backed away from the door and edged along the wall as if she could see me.
"Matthew? It's Erin?" she called again.
I waited a moment and then creeped back to the peep hole. She was gone. I hurried to my only window and peered down into the street. I could see her from where I stood. She was wearing a black jacket and jeans. Her copper hair was escaping from the pointless chopsticks. As I watched she hailed down a taxi and then looked up at my window.
And waved.
At me.
Because she could see me.
Because I am an idiot and standing in the window like the moron that I am.
I ducked away quickly, as pointless as that was.
Oh my God.
I hate my life.