Even After Everything

As soon as I get home, I’m already regretting it.

Especially after what Gabe said. And Sana. I reacted so badly when we broke up that I stopped looking after myself. I had spots.

I sure as hell don’t want a guy who does that to me.

But it’s not like I need to worry about it.

It appears that he took Gabe’s advice.

And if truth be told, I’m feeling a little pissed off about it. I obviously didn’t mean that much to him. I hate it when guys say things they don’t mean.

I need a distraction, so I plug in my earphones and turn the volume up to maximum as I prepare to zone out.

Except it’s Seed that come’s blasting out. I wrench my earphones out angrily and pick up my mobile phone.

I haven’t spoken to Sana since she’d told Gabe about the crash…I’d ignored her all the way home. Her parents think I’m a very ill mannered little girl now - something tells me they won’t be taking me to concerts again.

Ah well.

I punch Sana’s number into my phone and wait for the dial tone, incensed enough to be having it out with her now.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Sana.’

‘Hannah! So you’re finally talking to me then?’

‘I don’t know. Depends what you’ve got say.’

‘…About what?’

‘About the fact you lied to me about the crash. I heard what you said to Gabe.’

‘…I didn’t lie.’

‘You didn’t tell me.’

‘I did actually. Along with some other stuff too, ages ago. But you had a panic attack and relapsed. Your parents said they didn’t want me to say anything again.’ Her sentences are short, her tone snappy, as though I said something to personally offend her.

‘What do you mean I relapsed? I went back into a coma?’

‘No, you passed out and went back into the mental state of after you woke up.’

‘That happens?’

‘Obviously.’

‘Oh. I’m…I’m sort of sorry then.’

‘Sort of?’

‘Well you still didn’t tell me…’

She sighs. ‘Then I sort of forgive you.’

I smile weakly. ‘So what was that other stuff you told me?’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea…’

‘Oh come on - I’ve already had half of it already.’

‘No Hannah…’

‘Sana,’ I say sombrely. ‘Please.’

There’s a pause where I’m sure she’ll tell me where to stuff it.

‘It was just like, your previous life.’

‘You make it sound like I died and got reincarnated.’

‘Haha, funny. Not.’

‘So like what?’

‘Well…like that you were um…like, abused by your real parents and went into care. And then you got adopted by your parents now - but you probably remember that, huh? I mean, that did happen before the 3 year memory space.

‘…Yeah Hannah? Hannah. That’s not funny Hannah, answer me. Shit!’

I drop the phone and start hyperventilating, doubled over and clutching my chest. Terrified, I start thumping on the floor heavily for my parents - or not my parents at all. Either way, as I’m told to ‘stop banging around up there’, I double my effort, before collapsing on the floor, gasping.

As I hear heavy footfall heading up the stairs, I black out completely.