Even After Everything

-Beep-

-Beep-

-Beep-

I roll over sideways and crash into a metal barrier, moaning. Someone moves sharply beside me, so I snap my eyes open to see a familiar white room.

‘Ohh fuck - how did I end up back in here?’ I groan.

‘Language-’ starts one female voice as another, male, cuts in gently.

‘Leave it.’

I crane my neck to see my parents sitting on a pair of plastic chairs next to my bed. There’s another empty on my other side, and I wonder who it belongs to.

‘Why am I back in here?’ I ask again pathetically.

‘You had a relapse - wait, you remember being in here before?’

‘Sure, why shouldn’t I?’

‘It’s just, we thought you might have lost your memory.’

‘Why would I do that?’ I ask puzzled as I sit up. My parents exchange bewildered looks.

It strikes me at what an odd couple my parents actually are. My mother, skinny but curvy with a crooked nose, is only 35, whereas my dad, the complete polar opposite, is clearly over weight, and more around the age of 43, I think. And yet they they still found love - they still had sex, and I was still born.

That’s not a pretty picture.

I turn to my left as I see Sana creep guiltily in through the door.

‘Hannah?’ she says quietly.

‘Yep?’

She breathes a deep sigh of relief.

‘Oh my god I was so worried. Look, my parents just came to pick me up so I have to go, but I just wanted to say goodbye.’ She squeezes me into a brief hug, and steps back, before leaving the room completely.

I turn back to my parents who’s eyes are following Sana out of the door and down the corridor with dark expressions. ‘So why am I in here again?’

‘You had a panic attack.’

‘So you took me to hospital?’ I ask, incredulous.

‘Yes - we were worried.’

‘Okay…this doesn’t mean I can’t go to the concert, does it?’

My parent’s heads flip up. ‘What?’ my mother snaps.

‘The concert. Oh don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about it,’ I say, rolling my eyes. ‘The Academy Is and Cobra Starship! On the 15th!’

‘Hannah - the concert’s been and gone. Today’s the 19th.’

I stare at them blankly. ‘How did I miss the concert?’

‘You didn’t. You went…’ she turns to my dad, worry etched onto her features. ‘She’s had an amnesiatic relapse again…’

‘What’s that?’ I ask, suspiciously.

My dad turns to me. ‘What’s the last thing you remember?’

‘Um…’ I rack my brains. ‘Well, we had tuna pasta for dinner last night. Or was it the night before…’

‘It was last Thursday. Five days ago.’

‘It’s okay,’ breathes my dad. ‘She’s only lost 5 days.’

‘What’s going on?’ I whine.

‘Nothing,’ my mother says dismissively. ‘You had a panic attack which caused some minor memory loss.’

My mouth drops open and tears sting my eyes.

‘I’ve forgotten the concert? Oh my god…’

I’ve waited forever for that. Ever since Sana brought me the CDs when I came out of my coma…

‘I want to go home,’ I mutter darkly.

‘We’ll see what we can do,’ smiles my dad, pulling himself and my mother up out of their chairs and leaving the room.

I look around and see my mobile sitting on my bedside table. I grab it and dial Sana’s number quickly, listening to the dial tone.

‘Helloo?’

‘Sana, it’s me.’

‘Oh hey what’s up - no dad it’s just Hannah. Sorry about that - are you crying?’

‘I lost my memory!’ I wail.

There’s a long pause.

‘What do you mean?’

‘My parents said I lost an entire 5 days!’ I hear her let out a deep breath. ‘I- I- I can’t remember the concert!’

‘Oh no…’

‘I know! I’ve been looking forward to that for so long!’

‘Well…there’ll be other times, other concerts…’

‘That’s easy for you to say,’ I mutter grumpily. ‘You can still remember the evening.’

‘Hannah, I-’

‘My doctor’s just come in,’ I lie. ‘I have to go.’

And I don’t even wait for her response before I hang up.