Even After Everything

I’m on auto-pilot as the doors close again. I’m thinking about that tone William used, and what he could have meant, as I push the button third from the top on the button panel. As the elevator lurches to a stop, a sharp ping sounds and the door slides away.

I step out, still distracted, and it’s only when I find myself outside a random door, that I realise that I don’t have a clue where I am. Why am I outside this door? I don’t remember Will saying anything about what room we were staying in…

I just stand there, staring at the door with the most bewildered look on my face, as I hear another ping. I turn to look at the elevator, and see William emerging, a smug look on his face as he spots me.

He stalks over, meeting my eyes and not breaking away until he reaches the door, at which point he draws a small card out of his pocket. As he slides it through the reader, I hear an audible and ever so reminiscent thunk, and the door swings open.

Everything he does appears to be so significant, but I just don’t understand.

From his position behind me, he takes my hands in his and places both on my hips, steering me into the room. I stop abruptly as I hear the door slam, even though Will is still pushing gently, and look around - I’m getting the strongest feeling of déjà vu I have ever experienced.

Over the opposite side of the room we entered through is a sofa with it’s back to us. In front of that and just under the window, is a television set, but where we’re standing now, we’re pretty much surrounded by kitchen counters. I pull my hands out of Will’s and step forward slowly, ridiculously spooked by what I was seeing.

It’s like something that you dreamed about the previous night - even though I was pretty sure I’d never had a dream like this.

I continue through the room in this trance like state, and see another door to my left. Pushing it open, I’m greeted by the most serene blue I’ve ever seen - sort of eggshell, and a huge bed lies in the middle. To the right, there’s a window, and to the left another door. I don’t know if I really knew what was through that door already, or if I just used process of elimination to guess, but as I enter the bathroom, I’m not surprised in the slightest.

I blanch - I have to get out of this suite.

I throw back the doors I’d come in through angrily and rush through the main room, pushing past Will muttering something along the lines of, ‘I have to eat.’ He doesn’t follow immediately, so I dash downstairs in the lift, running out of the reception, out of the hotel, and sitting on a low wall I find just outside it.

And yet this still seems vaguely familiar. I stare around myself, my confusion obviously apparent to the passers by giving me funny looks. I feel a hand on my back, and jump violently, turning round to see Will looking at me oddly.

‘Want to go and grab some lunch?’ he murmurs.

I nod, relieved that I would be leaving this spooky hotel, but the feeling of repetition doesn’t leave me as we walk all the way down the road and turn up a high street.

‘There’s this great little salad bar I know round here,’ he says robotically, almost as if this speech had been rehearsed. ‘Vicky-T dragged me here last year the second we arrived. All raving that salad equals healthy, but when we got there she went mad, piling in all this ham and cheese and-’

‘Pastrami,’ I finish, looking at Will in shock as he nods wryly. Where did that come from? It’s such a random thing to have in a salad, could I possible have guessed. It didn't seem so.

Finally we reach the salad bar, but I still can’t shake the funny feeling that’s possessed me, even as we pile up our salads, even as he pays, even as we take a seat on the decking outside to eat.

We eat in silence for a while, before Will tentatively reaches out his hand to mine. I jump violently again, spilling peas and pastrami all down my front from the fork I was lifting to my mouth. I leap up, embarrassed, and dust myself off.

‘Oh my god! I’m such a fucking klutz - it’s all over you’re scarf Will-’ I stop abruptly, eyes wide.

I’m not wearing a scarf. Much less one that belongs to him.

‘Pardon?’ he says, looking as shocked to hear my outburst as I.

‘I - I don’t know…’ I mumble, sitting down numbly, not even bothering to pick up my fork again. ‘I feel sick Will - I can’t finish this.’

He looks down at his own bowl. ‘You know what? I can’t really eat mine either. I’m too nervous.’

I look up at him questioningly.

‘For tomorrow,’ he supplies. ‘For recording tomorrow.’

I accept his answer without even thinking about it, as we stand up and walk out of the bar.

I don’t even think twice as he takes my hand, walking us both slowly down to a river and following it along. I try to make conversation, to distract me from my growing unease.

‘So…what’s the weirdest thing to ever happen to you on tour?’ I ask.

He looks at me for a second and then breaks out into a grin. ‘All my Oreos went missing once.’

‘Uh…really? Why?’

‘Well, I guess someone ate them.’

‘No way!’ I say sarcastically, punching him playfully.

He plays along. ‘Yeah - I’m serious! I went to bed and they were there, then I woke up and bam![/]I They were gone!’

I laugh. ‘I hope you told the police! We can’t be having an Oreo thief running around!’

‘Aw shit, I totally forgot…’

‘We’d better go and tell them then - this is huge!’

‘No way, they’ll arrest me for withholding information…for an entire year.’

‘I’m sorry Will, but this is for the greater good. Are you saying that you’re not going to tell the police about this disaster just so you won’t go to prison?’

‘Yeah - can you blame me?’

‘Yes! I’m taking this into my own hands!’ I start to run away as we reach a huge grassy field, and as I turn back, I see that Will’s running after me. I will my legs to go faster, but no matter how much I try to deny it, his legs are about 150 times longer than mine. With practically no effort, he slams into me knocking us both to the floor, my unease forgotten as we just lay there, laughing like idiots.

I try to get up and run away again, but he pins down my arms with one hand and throws a leg over me, using the other hand to tickle me ruthlessly. I’m screeching on the grass, and attracting a lot of dirty looks from other people, but it doesn’t bother me. It just feels so right, so normal.

Sort of lost in the moment and not even thinking, I propel my body forwards. He doesn’t resist this time, only looks at me in bewilderment as I press a warm and smiling kiss to his lips.

Then my mind comes back to me and I pull away in shock, scrambling backwards and standing up.

‘Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I just - I - I’m sorry,’ I stutter, as he gets to his feet, staring at my mortifyingly red cheeks. ‘I would never put our working relationship in jeopardy like that! I can’t believe I just did that. I wouldn’t normally - please don’t get like, freaked out or anything - I’m - I- today's just so- I can't believe I just did that. I'm really sorry--’

But cut myself off, taken aback by his wry smile.

‘Stop worrying about things so much,’ he smiles, taking my hand again. ‘Just stop worrying.’