Even After Everything

There’s a girl, hunched over in an dimly lit elevator that I can only just make out. It’s as though I’m right in there with her, but I can’t speak, and she can’t see me. There’s tears on her face and she’s shaking as the elevator doors open.

I go to try and leave - this doesn’t seem like a situation I should be eaves dropping on - but when I see who’s standing in the way, I don’t even care that I can’t move a muscle.

‘Thank fuck - oh my god,’ he mutters, closing his eyes, then yelling behind him, ‘S’okay Gabe, found her.’

He steps into the elevator and pushes the ‘close door’ button, before slouching down next to the girl and wrapping a tight hug around her shoulders.

‘Argh,’ he says. ‘I thought I’d gone and lost you again. What happened? I asked Bianca where you’d gone but she wouldn’t even meet my eyes - have you been crying?’

My eyes fill up at the sight of Will with another girl, and jealousy clouds my vision - but where have these feelings come from? I‘m pretty sure I wouldn‘t be like this had it happened as I fell asleep with Will. The girl shakes her head slowly.

‘You left…’ he whispers. ‘But you have to come back, you have to. You have to remember. You can’t hide forever.’

I wake up the next morning sweating, my insides twisting. Will stirs beside me and opens his eyes.

‘What’s up? Bad dream?’

Was it? I’m not even sure - I just remember watching myself sit in an elevator. Any other memories I try to clutch at slip away like water in my hands. I shrug, and William gropes his hand around on the floor next to him for his phone, bringing it up to his face and squinting.

‘It’s 10am…how did we sleep that long?’

I chuckle sleepily. ‘What time’s our studio session?’

‘Four.’

‘Hmmmm.’ He turns to me, and there’s hope in his eyes. ‘There isn’t…anything you want to tell me, is there?’

I furrow my brow. ‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know. You were acting so strange yesterday…and…you don’t remember anything?’

‘What would I remember?’

He sighs. ‘I don’t know. I was just worried about you…’

‘I’m just confused, that’s all. It feels like I’ve been here before - and not just in Birmingham, right here - it’s just really freaking me out. It’s like someone’s trying to tell me something - stupid huh?’

He opens his mouth to say something, but his phone starts ringing. He flips it open and holds it up to his ear.

‘Yeah? What do you mean? What - why?! I’m on business - you can’t just fucking turn up! Where are you?’

Will looks up at the bedroom door.

‘No. I’m coming.’ he growls, shutting his phone with a snap and turning to me. His expression softens, and it’s almost like he’s pleading with me.

‘Listen,’ he implores, eyes wide. ‘There’s someone I have to deal with at the door - unfinished business. Whatever happens - whatever you hear, I need you to stay right here. If you trust me, you have to stay right here.’

I was getting panicky, who was at the door to make Will like this?

‘Where the hell else would I go?’ I say shakily.

William gets up and pulls on some jeans, as I hear an impatient knock at the door. His eyes flick to the window, and he walks over, turning the key in it’s lock and pocketing it.

‘I’m sorry…’ he says guiltily, eyeing me. ‘I…I just can’t risk losing you again.’

Okay, now I really am scared - he’s acting like a stalker, and I realise slowly that the only way out now is that door. What if something happens? I swallow and watch Will leave the room, shutting the door behind him. I hear footsteps, and then the suite door being wrenched open, before my ears are hit with the tip-tap of high heeled shoes as they near the bedroom.

‘What’s going on, Bill,’ asks a low, but clearly female voice. Was Will really scared I’d run off just because…because he has a girlfriend he didn’t tell me about? We’re not attached, I have no claim over him…we’re just working together. Was that really it? I let out a sigh of relief.

‘What are you doing here Samantha?’

My eyes widen in shock - where had I heard that name before?

‘What, you just expected me to stay in Chicago after that message? What was that all about anyway? Were you…drunk? You know how I feel about that.’

‘I wasn’t drunk,’ he answers flatly.

‘Then I don’t understand,’ she whines. ‘All your band-mates came back weeks ago - why are you still here? You know I need you at home to help prepare for baby.’

Baby?

And slowly it comes back to me - crouched on the floor of a dark room, behind some sort of screen.

‘She’s carrying your kid.’

‘So? She was carrying my kid last time Hannah left, and she barely lifted a finger - yet she still miscarried. It seems every time I try and leave, she gets herself pregnant.’