Even After Everything

I wake up blearily to harsh lights and cold tiles.

I blink, looking around me, and realise that we’re still in the elevator - unclothed and more surprisingly, unrescued. I look to my left and see Will lying out spread-eagled on the floor, so I roll over, burying my head into his neck and whispering into his ear.

‘Wiillll,’ I call softly. He stirs a little, but stays asleep. ‘Will,’ I say, a little louder, but he only frowns, making a weak and futile attempt at rolling away.

I sigh. Someone could be here any moment. What if a family decided to call for the lift and it just decided to work? They’d be confronted by two naked bodies and an elevator filled with discarded clothing - and we’d likely be confronted with charges of indecent exposure.

I fix my lips onto Will’s neck, sucking and biting gently, and he moans quietly, both his hands burying themselves in my hair, holding my head there. I smile, and bite down hard, relishing the sound of his gasp, before pulling away and pecking him on the lips instead.

‘I think we might have missed out recording slot,’ I murmur wryly.

He sits bolt upright in shock, before relaxing again and turning to me, pushing me onto my back. He rolls over on top of me and presses his lips to mine again, slipping his tongue into my mouth and working it gently as he slides his hands down my sides.

Eventually, he pulls away. ‘You know what?’ he growls. I lift my eyebrows questioningly.

‘You’re naked,’ he finishes, rolling back over into his original position.

I giggle stupidly and he joins in - and soon we’re in hysterics like before. I don’t even know why - it wasn’t that funny.

Will pulls himself up again, and gropes around for his boxers, pulling them towards him.

‘Dare you to go commando,’ I giggle. I know, I’m so mature. He smirks down at me.

‘I will if you will - and you have to leave your underwear in here.’

I splutter, before managing to compose myself. ‘Mr Beckett, you have yourself a deal.’

I pull on my jeans as Will does the same, and we continue until we’re both dressed, Will finally pressing the alarm button.

After about ten minutes and an apologetic intercom message from the hotel manager, the doors slide open and Will and I step out into the reception. I watch him, laughing, as he jams our underwear into the crack of the elevator door, and slips a hand into my back pocket, walking me out of the hotel and into the early morning sunshine.

I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling. For the past year, I’ve never felt like anything was missing, but here, now, I feel more complete than ever. More fulfilled - satisfied.

I turn to Will’s side as we walk, wrapping both my arms around his waist and breathing his smell in. It’s the scent I want to smell for the rest of my existence - coconut, sweat, pheromones and sex.

Shit.

I stop in my tracks and let my mouth fall open. I’m not…I’m not a virgin any more. I’ve had sex. With Will. And I’m not a virgin. Oh my god…this feels so weird. Will stops just a little in front of me and looks at me oddly, lifting his eyebrows.

I look at him, my expression amazed at my belated discovery, but he just stares back, confused. I begin to walk again, though decidedly slowly.

‘What’s up?’ he questions.

‘We…had sex,’ I say slowly. His eyes widen and he looks worried.

‘You only just remembered?’

‘No! No…I just realised…it’s nothing. Ignore me, I’m just a spaz.’

‘You don’t…regret it or anything, do you?’ He’s just staring at me, hurt threatening to cloud over his vision.

‘No!’ I splutter. ‘That’s not what I meant!’ We finally reach a huge lawn that I recognise as the park.

‘Then…’ he begins, before a look of realisation washes over his face, mouth gaping ever so slightly. ‘You’ve never - you mean, you were a virgin?’

I sit down on the grass, the dew soaking through my jeans and wetting the bare skin of my bum. I nod, blushing heavily.

‘Oh my god…I never knew! I mean, I never thought…but - wow, so I was your first?’

I nod again, thoroughly embarrassed now. He drops down beside me and wraps my shoulders in a tight hug.

‘Wow…if I’d have known, I’d have- I dunno…made it more special…or something.’

I giggle under the pressure of his chest. ‘That was pretty special to me Will.’

He laughs. ‘And how many people can say their first time was in an elevator, huh?’

We sit in silence for a while, him still hugging me, before he looks up at the sky, letting out a long breath. He pulls away.

‘I’m…sorry,’ he sighs.

‘What for?’

‘For…I don’t know. Not knowing you. I feel like I should have known you hadn’t…should know you better. I guess I sort of feel like I’ve missed out on you.’

I smile. ‘Well that’s what now is for, right? For getting to know each other. Nowadays, that’s always how it’s done. Have sex, then decide whether you like the person or not.’ I poke my tongue out at him playfully.

‘But I don’t like you!’ he grins, then his expression turns serious. ‘I don’t. At least I don’t only like you.’ He winces slightly, as though in pain, and brings his eyes up to meet mine.

‘I love you,’ he finishes quietly. ‘I love how you used to be, and how you are now. And how they’re so different but they blend so perfectly into one. I love how you look amazing all the time, even first thing in the morning, but you still make an effort. I love how you make me feel, so alive - so free…and I love how you look in my jeans. I love going to sleep next to you…and waking up when you’ve burrowed right into me without even realising it. Sometimes you don’t make sense, and sometimes I don’t make sense, but we always make sense to each other anyway, no matter how weird the situation, and I love that.’ He takes a long breath.

‘You know what else? I love it how you can always make me laugh, without even having to try. How you’re such a klutz, how you’re so hopeless sometimes. How whenever I’m around you, I feel so whole that I never want to leave your side again. And I mean literally. I’m thinking contact glue and staples.’

We laugh, but his face turns serious again. ‘I mean it. I really do. I love you - and if you leave me again, I’m going to die.’