Status: On Suspended Hiatus
The Day All The Statues Came To Life
Chapter 3
James opens the door for me.
And that is then end of anything remotely gentlemanly that he does for me the rest of the evening. Even during sex, he finishes first and cares nothing about me. It’s a one man show, and I am only the audience.
We lay there in bed, and I’m struggling to make any sort of conversation. The quiet we share is uncomfortable, but I imagine from a distance, it might even look sweet: my head on his chest, his arms behind his head, simple, two lovers sharing a moment.
If that’s what you see, then you are fucking naive. Look closer, see how he’s not touching her? See how he shifts uncomfortably under her touch? See how she looks like she’s about to cry? That is the real picture.
His cell phone rings, and without hesitation, he reaches across me and grabs it, knocking my head off his chest.
“Hey what’s up?” He says into the phone. I hear a girl’s voice on the other line.
“What are you up to?” I hear her say. She sounds seductive. I picture some Heidi Klum girl purring into the phone.
“Nothing.” He says quickly, sitting up. I try to catch his eye, but he ignores me.
“Can I come over?” It’s faint but clear. I sit up as well, my heart pounding. This could be his chance. Say no. I am trying so hard to will it, that when his answer comes I feel my heart break all over again.
“Of course. I just need to do some things first, take out the trash and stuff. Half an hour?” He says, and now he gets up, so I can’t hear her response.
Not like I would have anyway. I know he didn’t mean me specifically, but the “taking out the trash” comment still hits me like a ton of bricks. Trash, I think to myself bitterly. That’s all he sees you as.
James is looking at me, his phone shut in his hand. I’m doing everything to try and hold myself together, but it’s about as effective as putting scotch tape over a leak in a dam. “Um, you need to go.” He says quietly.
“Of course.” I snap. “Someone else is coming over.” I get up and start pulling on my clothes, trying to hide my nakedness from him.
“Hey,” he says softly. “Teagan, baby-“
“Don’t!” I snarl. “Don’t Teagan baby me.” I throw on my shirt and try to leave quickly, but James catches my arm.
And he’s smiling, which hurts even more. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the chest and he’s fucking smiling like he’s heard a joke. I sure hope it’s pretty damn funny. “Hey,” he says again. “You’re always my number one. You know that.” He kisses me, and despite myself, I melt into it. “I’ll call you.” He says. I nod miserably and get to my car.
I’m not a crier. I hate crying, blubbering, sobbing, weeping, bawling, and sniveling. And I never ever do it in front of anyone. But once I get in the safety of my beat up car that Bex and I share, (although Captain Amazing has a nice car, so Bex lets me use this one) I can’t help but break down.
I wish I could say that I wasn’t always like this, but ever since my mom left when I was 6, to go live with her young boyfriend and his two young children, essentially abandoning us, I have. I always have felt…less. Maybe that’s why I chose James. “When sorrows come they come not single spies, But in battalions.” Misery attracts more misery; I suppose I am living truth of that.
When I finally get a hold of myself, I am already in front of Jake’s very nice house. I look like hell, complete with sex hair and watery mascara eyes, and I really don’t give a shit. Parties mean alcohol and tonight, I am going to get smashed beyond belief.
“You came!” Jake says happily when I come inside. I wonder briefly why he gives a shit, but then I see Bex’s face. For once, she isn’t glaring, or shooting daggers at me. She actually looks concerned.
Obviously I do look that bad.
“You need a drink?” Bex asks.
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” She takes my arm and leads me to the other room, equally crowded, but with alcohol. “Are you ok?” She says, after pointing to all the booze.
“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I mutter. Bex raises an eyebrow. “James kicked me out because another girl was coming over.”
Bex narrowed her eyes as I poured myself a shot of vodka. “I’d like to kill that little bastard.” She said. “I don’t know why you waste your time, Tea. You could do so much better.”
“Oh, right.” I scoff, pouring myself another. “Because half of the school thinks I’m a skank, and the other half thinks I’m pathetic.”
Bex rolled her eyes. “You can change that you know.”
Sure, to her it’s that easy. But I don’t even know where to begin.
And that is then end of anything remotely gentlemanly that he does for me the rest of the evening. Even during sex, he finishes first and cares nothing about me. It’s a one man show, and I am only the audience.
We lay there in bed, and I’m struggling to make any sort of conversation. The quiet we share is uncomfortable, but I imagine from a distance, it might even look sweet: my head on his chest, his arms behind his head, simple, two lovers sharing a moment.
If that’s what you see, then you are fucking naive. Look closer, see how he’s not touching her? See how he shifts uncomfortably under her touch? See how she looks like she’s about to cry? That is the real picture.
His cell phone rings, and without hesitation, he reaches across me and grabs it, knocking my head off his chest.
“Hey what’s up?” He says into the phone. I hear a girl’s voice on the other line.
“What are you up to?” I hear her say. She sounds seductive. I picture some Heidi Klum girl purring into the phone.
“Nothing.” He says quickly, sitting up. I try to catch his eye, but he ignores me.
“Can I come over?” It’s faint but clear. I sit up as well, my heart pounding. This could be his chance. Say no. I am trying so hard to will it, that when his answer comes I feel my heart break all over again.
“Of course. I just need to do some things first, take out the trash and stuff. Half an hour?” He says, and now he gets up, so I can’t hear her response.
Not like I would have anyway. I know he didn’t mean me specifically, but the “taking out the trash” comment still hits me like a ton of bricks. Trash, I think to myself bitterly. That’s all he sees you as.
James is looking at me, his phone shut in his hand. I’m doing everything to try and hold myself together, but it’s about as effective as putting scotch tape over a leak in a dam. “Um, you need to go.” He says quietly.
“Of course.” I snap. “Someone else is coming over.” I get up and start pulling on my clothes, trying to hide my nakedness from him.
“Hey,” he says softly. “Teagan, baby-“
“Don’t!” I snarl. “Don’t Teagan baby me.” I throw on my shirt and try to leave quickly, but James catches my arm.
And he’s smiling, which hurts even more. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the chest and he’s fucking smiling like he’s heard a joke. I sure hope it’s pretty damn funny. “Hey,” he says again. “You’re always my number one. You know that.” He kisses me, and despite myself, I melt into it. “I’ll call you.” He says. I nod miserably and get to my car.
I’m not a crier. I hate crying, blubbering, sobbing, weeping, bawling, and sniveling. And I never ever do it in front of anyone. But once I get in the safety of my beat up car that Bex and I share, (although Captain Amazing has a nice car, so Bex lets me use this one) I can’t help but break down.
I wish I could say that I wasn’t always like this, but ever since my mom left when I was 6, to go live with her young boyfriend and his two young children, essentially abandoning us, I have. I always have felt…less. Maybe that’s why I chose James. “When sorrows come they come not single spies, But in battalions.” Misery attracts more misery; I suppose I am living truth of that.
When I finally get a hold of myself, I am already in front of Jake’s very nice house. I look like hell, complete with sex hair and watery mascara eyes, and I really don’t give a shit. Parties mean alcohol and tonight, I am going to get smashed beyond belief.
“You came!” Jake says happily when I come inside. I wonder briefly why he gives a shit, but then I see Bex’s face. For once, she isn’t glaring, or shooting daggers at me. She actually looks concerned.
Obviously I do look that bad.
“You need a drink?” Bex asks.
“Yeah.”
“Come on.” She takes my arm and leads me to the other room, equally crowded, but with alcohol. “Are you ok?” She says, after pointing to all the booze.
“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I mutter. Bex raises an eyebrow. “James kicked me out because another girl was coming over.”
Bex narrowed her eyes as I poured myself a shot of vodka. “I’d like to kill that little bastard.” She said. “I don’t know why you waste your time, Tea. You could do so much better.”
“Oh, right.” I scoff, pouring myself another. “Because half of the school thinks I’m a skank, and the other half thinks I’m pathetic.”
Bex rolled her eyes. “You can change that you know.”
Sure, to her it’s that easy. But I don’t even know where to begin.