Status: On Suspended Hiatus
The Day All The Statues Came To Life
Chapter 6
Is there anything more perfect than driving with the windows down, no care in the world, the sky that perfect blue color that you could never capture in anything?
And here I am, doing just that, my hand out the window doing small figure eights pushing against the wind as we speed down some country road.
As it turned out, I wasn’t the only one who wanted out, and Ryan had come and gotten me and within fifteen minutes I was walking down the front steps of the school over to his bright green VW Van. “I love your car.”
He laughed. “It’s a piece of shit.”
I shrugged. “I want this exact car someday.”
We both climbed in and as he pulled away, I flicked off the school, as if the building was the one who was the jackass and not all the students inside.
If Ryan thought this was odd, he didn’t make a comment on it. Instead he said, “Where are we going?”
“I don’t care.” I said. “I just need to get the fuck away. Thank you for coming.”
He only smiled in return.
We drove in a comfortable silence for a long time. I guess he didn’t feel the need for me to explain, and I was extremely thankful. If I had to explain, I’d end up having to tell him my whole life story, and I didn’t feel like talking about myself. Right now, I felt so unclear about who I was, and what I was doing, and where the boundaries in my life were that I didn’t even think I’d be able to make any sense anyway.
We ended up getting high at the beach. I wasn’t big on pot, but he had it, I felt like screaming and ripping things, and I gave in quite quickly.
After a couple hits, we both laid on one of the big rocks, looking at the clouds.
“What rumors did you hear about me?” I said suddenly.
He looked over at me, but I set my jaw and kept my eyes on the clouds. “Nothing big.” He said finally.
“That I’m a slut?” I said it a lot harsher than I wanted to. I took another hit.
He took the blunt from me and put it on the other side of him. “Yeah.” He said finally. “But I don’t believe rumors.”
“You should.” I said suddenly. “You should totally believe them. I am a slut, and I let it happen again and again.”
“Jake told me otherwise.” Ryan said simply.
“He’s a good guy who sees the best in people.” I said quietly. Ryan nodded in agreement. We sat in silence for a little while, the sound of the waves and birds were oddly irritating, not soothing like I wanted them to be. The clouds all were becoming demonic faces laughing at me. “Talk to me.” I begged suddenly, the words out before I had even clearly thought them up.
“About what?”
“Anything. Everything. Tell me something or I’m going to fall apart.”
He laughed suddenly, but it was humorless, as if he understood my desperation. “I’m the fuck up of my family.” He said finally.
“Join the club.” I said bitterly. He grinned at that.
“I was in college all last year, a really good college too; I worked my ass off in high school. I thought going to college was the best thing. I wanted out, you know? It’s not like I didn’t have a good life here, I mean I did, but I guess everyone goes through that phase where they want to be somewhere else, be someone else.”
He paused, taking another hit.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I fucked it up.” He said simply. “I had to come back, my tail between my fucking legs, go to community college, get a job, my parents were furious. They expected me to do great things. They want me to move out.”
“You’re only 19!” I protested. “That’s bullshit.”
He shrugged again. “And that’s my best secret. Your turn?”
“I’m pathetic.” I said.
“Join the club,” He said echoing my words.
“I feel like no one gets me. My entire school spreads rumors about me. And all I want is to be left the fuck alone. I wish I had some sort of talent, you know? Anything, so I could focus on that and use it to move away, change my name, and be the person I wanted to be.”
“You’re smart.” He said.
I raised an eyebrow. “How would you know?”
“I told you not all the rumors were bad, didn’t I? I hear you can write like no other, you’re in the top percentage of your school, you skipped a grade, right?”
I looked at him incredulously. “I’m not going anywhere.” I said finally. “Bex? She’ll go somewhere. I’m going to have to stay here, be my dad’s little whipping boy, it’s ridiculous.”
“Just leave them.” Ryan said simply.
“Ha.” I said dryly. “And then I’d be just like my fucking mom. You know, I’m envious of her for leaving? How much bullshit is that?”
“It’s not. Just do it. Do it for you.”
My throat tightened at the very thought. Leaving? James… “I can’t.” I said finally. “Besides, if I could leave, then you could too.”
“We’ll do it together.” He said, smiling at me.
I was high off my ass to think that Ryan would flirt with me. He had to know some things about me, and why in the world would he get into that mess?
“Why?” I said suddenly. Oh god, I was high.
“Because.” He said. “It would be an adventure. And I think you understand me.”
I nodded. I felt that. Here was this person, obviously with a lot of baggage, hated his life, depressed, hopeless…just like me. “I think you understand me too. I haven’t had that in a while.” I said sarcastically. Suddenly my phone rang. It took me a while to get it out of my pocket, my fingers felt thick and useless, but I saw it was Bex. I sighed and flipped it open. “What?” I said irritated. I didn’t want her to bother me. I didn’t give a shit what she had to say right now.
“Where are you?” She was whispering, which was weird.
“Out.” I said stiffly.
“Dad is flipping out Tea! The school called and wanted to make sure you were okay, cause you left-“
I jumped up. “They called him?” I shrieked.
“Yes!” She hissed. “He’s furious! You better get back right now!”
“Oh shit. Oh shit!” I said scrambling to grab my things. Ryan was standing up, and he clutched my arm. “I’ll be there soon. Just make something up, okay Bex? Please!”
“Like what?” She whined.
“I don’t care! Please just help me out okay, please Bex!”
“I will.” She said, I could hear the fear in her voice. “I’ll see what I can do. But please come back, I can’t stand him acting like this.”
“I will. It’s going to be okay.” I reassured her and hung up.
“What’s wrong?”
“My dad.” I said simply. “I have to go home, please, I’m sorry.” I could feel the panic on the edge of my voice and I tried to swallow it back, but instead I let out a strangled breath.
“Hey,” Ryan said, and pulled me into a hug. It felt weird. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been hugged. James wasn’t really the hugging type…unless he was drunk, and even then it was sloppy and brief.
But this…I hope someday you have someone who will hug you for five minutes straight and not try anything, not cop a feel, not try and kiss you, or slip their hand to some other part. I really do, because it is the best feeling in the world. It was pure, genuine, kindness. It almost broke my heart. And even though I was panicking about the mess Bex was in, and how furious my dad was going to be, and how Ryan must have thought I was a total idiot, I got greedy and I didn’t want to let go.
I didn’t want to let go.
And here I am, doing just that, my hand out the window doing small figure eights pushing against the wind as we speed down some country road.
As it turned out, I wasn’t the only one who wanted out, and Ryan had come and gotten me and within fifteen minutes I was walking down the front steps of the school over to his bright green VW Van. “I love your car.”
He laughed. “It’s a piece of shit.”
I shrugged. “I want this exact car someday.”
We both climbed in and as he pulled away, I flicked off the school, as if the building was the one who was the jackass and not all the students inside.
If Ryan thought this was odd, he didn’t make a comment on it. Instead he said, “Where are we going?”
“I don’t care.” I said. “I just need to get the fuck away. Thank you for coming.”
He only smiled in return.
We drove in a comfortable silence for a long time. I guess he didn’t feel the need for me to explain, and I was extremely thankful. If I had to explain, I’d end up having to tell him my whole life story, and I didn’t feel like talking about myself. Right now, I felt so unclear about who I was, and what I was doing, and where the boundaries in my life were that I didn’t even think I’d be able to make any sense anyway.
We ended up getting high at the beach. I wasn’t big on pot, but he had it, I felt like screaming and ripping things, and I gave in quite quickly.
After a couple hits, we both laid on one of the big rocks, looking at the clouds.
“What rumors did you hear about me?” I said suddenly.
He looked over at me, but I set my jaw and kept my eyes on the clouds. “Nothing big.” He said finally.
“That I’m a slut?” I said it a lot harsher than I wanted to. I took another hit.
He took the blunt from me and put it on the other side of him. “Yeah.” He said finally. “But I don’t believe rumors.”
“You should.” I said suddenly. “You should totally believe them. I am a slut, and I let it happen again and again.”
“Jake told me otherwise.” Ryan said simply.
“He’s a good guy who sees the best in people.” I said quietly. Ryan nodded in agreement. We sat in silence for a little while, the sound of the waves and birds were oddly irritating, not soothing like I wanted them to be. The clouds all were becoming demonic faces laughing at me. “Talk to me.” I begged suddenly, the words out before I had even clearly thought them up.
“About what?”
“Anything. Everything. Tell me something or I’m going to fall apart.”
He laughed suddenly, but it was humorless, as if he understood my desperation. “I’m the fuck up of my family.” He said finally.
“Join the club.” I said bitterly. He grinned at that.
“I was in college all last year, a really good college too; I worked my ass off in high school. I thought going to college was the best thing. I wanted out, you know? It’s not like I didn’t have a good life here, I mean I did, but I guess everyone goes through that phase where they want to be somewhere else, be someone else.”
He paused, taking another hit.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I fucked it up.” He said simply. “I had to come back, my tail between my fucking legs, go to community college, get a job, my parents were furious. They expected me to do great things. They want me to move out.”
“You’re only 19!” I protested. “That’s bullshit.”
He shrugged again. “And that’s my best secret. Your turn?”
“I’m pathetic.” I said.
“Join the club,” He said echoing my words.
“I feel like no one gets me. My entire school spreads rumors about me. And all I want is to be left the fuck alone. I wish I had some sort of talent, you know? Anything, so I could focus on that and use it to move away, change my name, and be the person I wanted to be.”
“You’re smart.” He said.
I raised an eyebrow. “How would you know?”
“I told you not all the rumors were bad, didn’t I? I hear you can write like no other, you’re in the top percentage of your school, you skipped a grade, right?”
I looked at him incredulously. “I’m not going anywhere.” I said finally. “Bex? She’ll go somewhere. I’m going to have to stay here, be my dad’s little whipping boy, it’s ridiculous.”
“Just leave them.” Ryan said simply.
“Ha.” I said dryly. “And then I’d be just like my fucking mom. You know, I’m envious of her for leaving? How much bullshit is that?”
“It’s not. Just do it. Do it for you.”
My throat tightened at the very thought. Leaving? James… “I can’t.” I said finally. “Besides, if I could leave, then you could too.”
“We’ll do it together.” He said, smiling at me.
I was high off my ass to think that Ryan would flirt with me. He had to know some things about me, and why in the world would he get into that mess?
“Why?” I said suddenly. Oh god, I was high.
“Because.” He said. “It would be an adventure. And I think you understand me.”
I nodded. I felt that. Here was this person, obviously with a lot of baggage, hated his life, depressed, hopeless…just like me. “I think you understand me too. I haven’t had that in a while.” I said sarcastically. Suddenly my phone rang. It took me a while to get it out of my pocket, my fingers felt thick and useless, but I saw it was Bex. I sighed and flipped it open. “What?” I said irritated. I didn’t want her to bother me. I didn’t give a shit what she had to say right now.
“Where are you?” She was whispering, which was weird.
“Out.” I said stiffly.
“Dad is flipping out Tea! The school called and wanted to make sure you were okay, cause you left-“
I jumped up. “They called him?” I shrieked.
“Yes!” She hissed. “He’s furious! You better get back right now!”
“Oh shit. Oh shit!” I said scrambling to grab my things. Ryan was standing up, and he clutched my arm. “I’ll be there soon. Just make something up, okay Bex? Please!”
“Like what?” She whined.
“I don’t care! Please just help me out okay, please Bex!”
“I will.” She said, I could hear the fear in her voice. “I’ll see what I can do. But please come back, I can’t stand him acting like this.”
“I will. It’s going to be okay.” I reassured her and hung up.
“What’s wrong?”
“My dad.” I said simply. “I have to go home, please, I’m sorry.” I could feel the panic on the edge of my voice and I tried to swallow it back, but instead I let out a strangled breath.
“Hey,” Ryan said, and pulled me into a hug. It felt weird. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been hugged. James wasn’t really the hugging type…unless he was drunk, and even then it was sloppy and brief.
But this…I hope someday you have someone who will hug you for five minutes straight and not try anything, not cop a feel, not try and kiss you, or slip their hand to some other part. I really do, because it is the best feeling in the world. It was pure, genuine, kindness. It almost broke my heart. And even though I was panicking about the mess Bex was in, and how furious my dad was going to be, and how Ryan must have thought I was a total idiot, I got greedy and I didn’t want to let go.
I didn’t want to let go.