The Day All The Statues Came To Life

I love looking at definitions of words, I always have. My dad once bought me a dictionary when I was little for my birthday. He thought it would be funny; but the joke was on him because I loved it and could spend hours looking up definitions. I mean, sometimes the definition seemed like such a struggle for the writer. Seriously, how do you define all the definitions of the word “the” or even something vague like “ambiguous” which in itself is a paradox? Anyway, my point is definitions are so strange. I mean, look at the word “love” which means: an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion. Now look up the word “hate”: a feeling of intense hostility toward somebody or something.
I don’t know, maybe I’m just weird, well, I know I’m weird, but those words seem so similar. How can you really tell one “intense” feeling from another? Feelings are feelings, and affection and abhorrence are one word away from being the same. I think that’s why I was so conflicted about James. I don’t expect people to understand why I feel the way I do about him, I hope no one understands because it sucks to be in this situation. I have such a combination of love and hate and I can’t tell anymore where one feeling begins and the other one ends. I want to be free of him. No one knows more than I do how toxic he truly is. And yet, I feel like I’ll never be able to. I feel like I’ll be trapped in this web of hate and love forever and I’ll never get out. How can I get out, when part of me wants to stay?

I was walking down the street, my head still furiously working from my fight with James, when my cell rang. It was Lily, whom I had forgotten I’d promise to hang out with today.
“Hello?” I said cautiously.
“Sup skank. Listen, where are you? We are doing a makeover.” Lily said casually and all in one breath.
“Um.” I hesitated. I never really had a girl friend, because let’s face it Bex didn’t count, and all the girls at school hated me. Did girls really call one another skanks these days? God, I was out of touch. “I don’t have any money…”
“Lucky thing I do. Come on, give your location bitch.”
“I’m walking down the street. By the elementary school.”
“Okay. See you in like 2 seconds. Don’t move.” And then she hung up.
“Lily, you are one strange girl.” I grumbled under by breath.

Ten minutes later, Lily was speeding half hazardly down a road, attempting to both have a full fledged conversation with me about how we were meeting Ryan and Jude (“oh my god, Seriously Tea, you two are gonna be in love with each other in like two minutes, I swear”), change a CD in the stereo, text Ryan, and yell at Kyle who had been forced to sit in the backseat and was complaining he didn’t “want to play makeover”. “Like hell you don’t Kyle,” Lily snapped. “It’s in your fucking genes to be around clothes and makeup.”
“I’m not-“
“If you utter, ‘I’m not gay’ I will turn this car over and then no ones going to be very happy, now are they?” Lily snarled, and then turned to me and gave me a big goofy grin.
I giggled despite myself. I know it sounded like Lily was being a bitch, but it would be impossible to be mad at her, and equally impossible to not be in a better mood. Her behavior was infectious: it made you want to do something spontaneous and stupid.
“Don’t know why you’ve so happy.” Kyle snapped to me, with a huff, crossing his arms and examining his nails. “It’s better to give a makeover than to get one.”
“Now wait a minute.” I said stupidly. “I’m getting a makeover? Oh, Lily, no!”
“Whyyyy?” Lily whined as we pulled into the driveway of a huge white house that I could never dream of living in. “Please? You’re like a lifesize Barbie doll, all skinny and blonde and beautiful. Please let me play with you?”
“Lesbo.” Kyle coughed at her.
“Faggot.” She shot back, before turning to me with big bambi eyes.
“Shit.” I huffed under my breath and stomped towards the house.

“What clothing size are you?” Lily asked, sitting me on her desk chair, in her gigantic room, and walking around me contemplating.
“Umm…” Honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been shopping seriously. I mostly wore Bex’s old clothes, or some from the Salvation Army when I had a couple extra dollars.
“She’s a two.” Kyle said suddenly, holding up a shirt in front of me.
“Well it’s a good thing I got fat this summer and outgrew all my new size two clothes!!” Lily said joyfully, digging through her makeup drawer. That’s right, she had an entire drawer for makeup. At home I was lucky if I had a tube of mascara.
“It is?” I said stupidly.
“Yes, cause it gives you a whole wardrobe!” She said cheerfully, starting to apply some blush.
“Lily, no, you don’t-“
“Barbies don’t argue!” She said shrilly, and then started giggling again.
I think she has ADD, at least.

I have to admit, I got into the makeover after a little bit. By the time, she and Kyle were finished with me, I barely recognized myself. I had on makeup (and a whole bag Lily pushed on me; I learned quickly it was easier to let her do what she wanted than fight with her), and jeans and a shirt that actually fit me. I looked…pretty. “Check out her booty.” Kyle said appreciatively.
“Check out her eyes.” Lily said.
“I’d kill for a body like that.” Kyle said wistfully.
Lily and I turned to look at him, and then at each other, both of us breaking out into evil grins.
“To…uh…bang. You know. I’d kill to bang a body like that.” Kyle said lamely.
“Oh you are so straight.” I said.
“That’s right dear,” Lily said kindly, barely smothering her giggles. “Get back in that closet and lock the door.”
I hesitated, looking at my hair. It looked a little dull and boring now that everything else looked nice. “Lil?” I said. “Do you have scissors?”

We pulled up to the restaurant, me still marveling at my reflection in the glass of the window, to see Ryan, Jake, and a severely handsome guy, all laughing. I grabbed Lily’s arm. “[That’s] Jude?” I hissed.
“Told you.” She said smirking, linking my arm in hers.
Ryan’s eyes widened. “Teagan?”
“That would be me.” I said with a shy grin. I saw Jake whip his head around quickly from where he stood shaking hands with Kyle, and give me a look almost identical to his brother’s.
“Your hair!”
I reached up shyly. I had cut it so it hung in layers at my shoulders, with long bangs covering my eyes. Lily and Kyle were both shocked by how much it changed me, and told me it looked good, but I was still a little apprehensive. “You like it?”
“It looks great!” Ryan said, Jake nodding enthusiastically next to him.
I smiled slightly, feeling shy in receiving all this attention. I looked over at the person I had assumed was Jude, still feeling bashful. “Hi, you must be Jude. Lily thinks we’re going to get married.”
“Always happy to meet a future wife.” He said slowly, like he was appraising me. I flushed, disliking the feeling of his eyes on me. There was something about him. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something I didn’t trust, something telling me he was…not bad, but still, not exactly good. You know?

Lunch was going by smoothly. Lily and Ryan were flirting enough to make me want to scream at both of them to get on with it already. I caught Jude’s eye and realized he was glancing at me too. He smirked and glanced over at Lily and Ryan and then very pointedly rolled his eyes. I laughed slightly and nodded.
“Lily.” Kyle said quite suddenly. Everyone’s eyes snapped to him. “I want a lollipop.”
“What?” Lily said, and then she seemed to get it. “Oh! Yes. A lollipop.”
I saw Ryan wince, suspiciously, like someone kicked him in the shin. I think I knew who that someone was. “Bathroom.” He grunted, grabbing Jake’s arm and yanking him along.
I glared at all of them as I realized that they were leaving Jude and I together.
Jude noticed too. “That was their not so subtle attempt to get us alone?” He said, looking positively alarmed.
“Idiots.” I seethed. I realized I didn’t really know what Jude was expecting from me. I wondered what Ryan and Lily had told him about me. “Um,” I said quietly, lowering my eyes down to my napkin that I was slowly shredding in my hands. “I don’t know what they told you, but I’m really not interested in dating-“
He cut me off, grinning. “No! Me either! I told them over and over I wasn’t. I mean, I’m sure your cool and all. Jake and Ryan think the sun shines out your ass.”
“Yeah well…” I breathed a sigh of relief. “What’s your tragic love saga?”
“My girlfriend and I just broke up. We dated for seven years. We’d been cheating on each other for 5.”
I was slightly surprised at his use of “we”.
“You?” He asked, talking loudly over my muttered apology.
“I’m irrivocalbly in love with an asshole.” I said, trying to sound nonchalant to make him laugh again.
“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one of the group.”
“I’m not really sure which one of the group I am.” I said, shredding the napkin even more.
He softened. “It doesn’t matter. Your one of us now. Lily will never let you escape.”
“Damn.” I said, grinning again. “She’s scary, that one.”
He smiled. “So…friends?”
“I’d like that.”