Your Star

Ryan never knew why Brendon had this thing for stars.
Maybe it was because of the sparkle; the bright shine of those little planets up there. Maybe it was because they were all able to tell a story and to keep a secret. Or maybe Brendon just thought there’s nothing more beautiful than a peaceful starry sky.
You see, there were a lot of things about Brendon no one would ever think of without knowing him, like his best friends did. At first meet, everyone’s able to tell he’s a pretty hyperactive person; but there were definitely some unexpected characteristics hidden behind his cheerful smile.
Like this one time when Spencer found Brendon trembling and sobbing in the back of the tour bus. It was shortly after the band’s first show on their European tour, and it was the first time Brendon told them he had those panic attacks. He’d had them for years and mostly, he said, they’d just come out of the blue.
Or whenever they’re sitting together, making fun of their selves, and Brendon would only pay attention to them slightly; Ryan knew he thought a lot. Like, you know that kind of thinking when your head won’t seem to stop even though your body’s tired of it? It was exactly like that when got so distracted. And Ryan could feel it without even looking at him.
He always kind of felt responsible for the younger boy. Not like he was a kid who couldn’t take care of himself. More like…his guardian angel or something.
Sometimes Ryan’s words seemed to have a strong leaning towards exaggeration; that’s what you had to deal with.
But, he kind of liked the sound of ‘guardian angel’ – not too poetic, but valuable enough to show his feelings for Brendon.
One day, when Brendon was sitting outside of the tour bus, eyes opened wide to look into the clear sky above him, Ryan dared to join his friend in his all-night ritual.
Brendon didn’t turn his head when he heard the older boy coming closer and he didn’t even look up when Ryan sat down in the grass next to him. It was a warm summer night; Ryan liked the light breeze on his skin and for a moment he could understand why Brendon chose to sit here. It was a wonderful night.
‘The sky is amazing tonight,’ he finally said, mildly.
Brendon barely nodded and sighed quietly.
‘The stars haven’t been shining that bright for days,’ he said in a hushed voice and looked down eventually. He entwined his arms around his legs and rested his head on his knees.
Ryan looked at him for a few silent seconds and finally asked this one question he had been wondering about for months.
‘Brendon? What do they mean to you?’
Ryan waited patiently for Brendon to get together some words for an answer and looked down to his feet when the younger boy finally spoke.
‘I’ve seen a shooting star once in my life and that was seconds before my uncle called me to tell me of my mom’s death.’
Brendon paused for a few seconds and then mumbled the saddest words Ryan’s probably ever heard.
‘I’m still waiting for her to come back, the day I’ll catch a glimpse of another shooting star.’

Ryan stared into space for a few moments, speechless.
It had been two years since Brendon’s mom died in a car accident and he clearly remembered the day Brendon told them. He hadn’t kept in touch with his family very well after joining the band, but his mom always meant a lot to him. He once told Ryan about how much he really missed her, but only shook his head when he told him to call her.
‘Unless I’m not coming back home she won’t want to talk to me,’ Brendon simply said. Ryan was sure he would have called her if he knew she was dying. He’d have wanted to fix everything up; to tell her one last time how much he loved her before it was too late.
But then it was.
Brendon never mentioned this part about the shooting star.
His cheerless words made Ryan shiver.
Ryan looked at Brendon compassionately and placed a hand on his shoulder.
‘You’ve never told me this before.’
Brendon let out an afflicted sigh and smiled at him weakly.
‘I’ve never told anyone this before.’

Love’s no one-way dream.
It took Brendon months to understand.
After endless hours of speculating and unanswered questions he figured out perfection had been so close for years, close enough to grab, he only had to open his eyes.
Open his eyes to those things that were obvious for one single time.
And he finally found out, this night, filled with whispered words, hands clasping together and silently meeting lips. Two young boys gasping for breath, warm skin under trembling fingertips; losing their minds inside of that way too small bunk, and being overwhelmed by those feelings rushing through their chests, finally finding release in the other boy’s closeness. Their bodies pressed together, holding each other as tight as possible.
Brendon had never told anyone about his bond with the stars. He always used to think it was something that was supposed to be a secret, kept safe deep inside of his heart, unless there was anyone worth sharing it with.
Because sometimes there’s someone coming along who owns your heart from the very first moment and changes all of your opinions.
That’s just what happened to him after he finally let go of all the hurt, so he was ready to give as much love back as he received from this adorable boy lying next to him.
‘Ryan?’
The older boy mumbled against his neck to let him know he was listening and continued stroking Brendon’s hair gently.
‘I really think I don’t have to watch the stars any longer,’ he said with a soft smile.
Ryan lifted his head and gave him a surprised look.
Brendon sighed, satisfied and just turned his head to look right out of the window. The sky was just as clear as it was an hour before, when the two of them were sitting outside.
‘It doesn’t matter if I’m going to see a shooting star ever again. Maybe mom found another way to let me know she’s still here.’
Brendon turned his head again and looked straight in Ryan’s love-filled eyes.
‘I mean…she sent me an angel. That’s more than I could ever ask for.’

Brendon was already sleeping in his bunk when Jon entered the kitchen two days later, widely grinning and excited. Ryan wondered what it was that made Jon look like a 7-year-old with this absurdly ridiculous smile on his face.
‘Ry, you have to come outside. You haven’t seen so many shooting stars at once, I swear, it’s…’
Jon was already walking out the door again when the pen slid out of Ryan’s hands and the boy followed his band mate outside. Spencer was standing in front of the tour bus, watching the sky as well.
‘Look! Over there!’ Jon said, pointing up to the sky where this huge, bright shooting star appeared.
They were only able to see it for a few short moments, but it was long enough to make Ryan cry tears of disbelief and gratitude.