Beautifully Broken

I sat on the cold floor of my way to large bathroom, with blood trickling down both my wrists, and my blood stained razor on the floor next to me. This is what I had come too-self inflicted harm, I sighed quietly tilting my head back against the door, I looked down at my left wrist and gently patted it with the towel. Looking around the bathroom I noticed how beautiful it really was, the floors were a solid black marble color, the walls were a bright almost tomato like red, the face board matched the floors but the actual sink itself matched the walls.

Once I was able to stop the blood I wrapped my wrists with gauze, yes gauze, you see this was a daily thing for me, and so to make sure no one finds out I wrap them with gauze. Looking in the mirror at my tear stained face reflection I felt my vision start to get blurry and instantly I knew the tears were coming back. I wasn't crying because of the physical pain from cutting myself, I started crying because of the emotional pain I have and been suffering all my life.

All my childhood I had suffered emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I had also dealt with rejection and to this day (even at 16) it still haunts me, to tell you the truth, it's probably scarred me for life. My mom hated me because (according to her) I had ruined her life, but how was it my fault? She was the one who chose to have sex at 16, and to make it even worse unprotected sex, and as for her boyfriend bailing out, that's not my fault either.

She only caused me the emotional pain/abuse, the physical and sexual...that was caused by someone else. Someone who I hate with a passion, someone who I wish would die and burn in hell, someone who was to me, the devil in disguise. That "someone" was: Reggie.

It was late probably around 10 at night, mom or as I called her Michelle was out paying a bill, and she left me home alone, which wasn't surprising at all considering she act's like I don't even exist. I was sitting in the living room playing with my Barbie doll, for a 12 year old I was very childish, I was smart very smart actually, but I was immature. I had no desire to grow up, I planned on being a child the rest of my life. Humph, was I foolish or what?

I heard the door swing open and there came in, a once again drunk and ( though I didn't know) high Reggie, he was my moms alcoholic/druggie live in boyfriend of 4 years. I honestly don't know what my mother saw in him, he wasn't attractive, he had cheated on her countless of times, and he didn't even have a job. Yeah cause that's what every women wants in a man.

He came walking in the living room empty beer bottle in one hand once he spotted me he smiled, and not in a happy or cheerful smile, it was a sick, twisted, pervert, kind of smile and honestly? It scared the hell out of me. He stumbled toward me almost falling down every five seconds, once reaching me he looked around as if he was looking for someone, than he turned back to me with that same creepy smile, "Hey Aurora, where's your mama?"

"She's out paying a bill....but she'll be right back" I didn't look at him as I spoke mostly because I was scared, I knew what was coming, he was going to beat me for no apparent reason. This wasn't anything new, he had been doing it for 4 years now, but that didn't mean I wasn't scared.

“Hey Aurora don't you think it's time you stop playing with dolls” His speech was slurred and as he talked he pulled on the side of my dress, “I mean you cant be a kid forever” I got up and started walking to my room, but he was to fast and ran in front of me blocking me. “Whoa, hold up, where are you going?”

I pulled on my dolls hair looking at the ground, “My baby's tired, so were gonna go to bed.” I stuttered as I spoke scared that he was gonna hit me, but to my surprise; he didn't.

“Well no one in this house goes to bed without giving uncle Reggie a kiss goodnight first” Yes uncle, he wasn't really my uncle, but thats what Michelle told me to call him. He pulled the doll out my hand and gave her a kiss, before giving her back to me. “Now it's your turn” My head shot up, now looking at him, he turned his head and pointed to his cheek. “Right here”

Squinting my eyes closed I leaned in to kiss him, but at the last minute he turned his head, resulting in me kissing his lips. I turned up my nose in disgust and pulled back looking at him wide eyed, he looked at me for a few minutes before moving out the way. “Alright you go ahead and get out those clothes and get ready for bed” I started walking towards my room, “I'm gonna come help you” As soon as I heard those words I started to run to my room, but he grabbed me by my arms, I started hitting him with my doll.

“Reggie stop! No!” I screamed at him trying to break lose from his grip, but he was to strong.

“You always teasing me, walking around in them tight jeans, but now I'm gonna see what you got!” He started pulling me towards my room, once he got there he slammed the door and locked it. He molested and beat me that night, and I cried myself to sleep because I had lost something precious, no it wasn't my virginity, it was my innocence. Which in my opinion, was just as precious.

That night I realized that the world wasn't all fun and games, I realized that it was a dark cold place, filled with dark and cold people. The next day I told Michelle and guess what? She didn't believe it was Reggie, she said I must have let some boy in the house. She told me it was my fault and I brought it on myself, and that night, I ran away.

I took the little money I had saved up and jumped on a bus, I didn't know where I was going and quite frankly, I didn't care. So I just told the bus driver, “As far as you can take me”. He could've taken me to Russia and I would have been fine with it, as long as I was away from Reggie I was fine.