Beautifully Broken

Needless to say I was an emotional wreck, upon arriving home. My head was all over the place. So many conflicting emotions were running through me. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t even fucking think straight. All I wanted to do was lie and my bed and weep. Obviously when I got home that day I told Alyssa and Nessa what had happened and they were beyond pissed. Alyssa was apparently going to kidnap Chris, smuggle him into Mexico and from there Nessa was going to “take care of him the proper way” and dispose of his body…..yes my friends are crazy. As they finished thinking of different way to ‘handle’ Chris I had snick up into my room and locked myself in the bathroom, which is where I currently am now. I slowly pulled off my arm warmers exposing my badly scarred arms, reaching for my razor I slid it across my left arm as the blood oozed out. Wanna know the really sad part? I didn’t even feel any pain. Nothing. Sad huh? I had been hurt SO much in my 17 years of life that I didn’t even feel any pain when doing something as painful like this. After sliding it across my left arm three more times, I started on the right arm. As I sat their cutting myself, memories from my childhood came flooding back, which initiated the fresh tears that started pouring down my face. I tried my damn hardest to push away those painful and haunting memories…..but I just couldn’t. Once I finished cutting I stripped my clothes off and hopped in the shower turning the water all the way onto hot, I sat down on the little bench in the shower and continued to sob until I was incapable of producing anymore tears. I must have stayed in the shower for a while cause when I got out the sun was starting to set, when it was clearly bright in sunny when I went to the bathroom. I pulled out a tank top, some shorts, and a pair of boy shorts styled underwear out of my dresser and slipped them on. I didn’t bother putting a bra on because truthfully, I hate wearing them. Miranda our manager and adoptive mother had always scolded me when she came over and could clearly see that I wasn’t wearing one. Always saying that my breast would start to sag, but honestly? I couldn’t give a hell. I was already unhappy with my 36 D sized chest but whatever. Tinker Bell came and jumped on the bed with me.

“You’ll never hurt me, huh girl?” I said softly, pulling her into my lap brushing her soft hair with my fingertips. I heard a knock on the door and Alyssa stuck her head through the door.

“Guess who?” She said and I couldn’t help but laugh at her stupidity.

“She can see you dumb ass!” Nessa lectured hitting her up the head, while walking in the room with Alyssa who was rubbing her head mumbling incoherent things, most likely about Vanessa.

They came and sat on either side of me, Nessa pushing a string of pink hair out of my face. “How are you feeling sweetie?” She asked softly

I shrugged, “Okay I guess.” I whispered quietly.

“You sure about that?” Alyssa asked, motioning to my recently bandaged arms.

I sighed, “Really guys…….I’m okay, it’s pretty obvious that Chris and I aren’t meant to be together.” I slid my engagement ring of my finger and placed it on my dresser as I continued to play with Tinker Bell.

“Whoa Rora….” Nessa started, “I know your upset and hurt and everything but….don’t you think it’s a bit too soon to want to up and cancel the wedding?”

“No, Chris is CHEATING on her Vanessa, when their freaken engaged. What’s she supposed to do just sit their and act like he isn’t and just up and forgive him?” Alyssa defended

“NO, but I think she should at least talk to Chris.” Vanessa retaliated

“Okay did you not just hear anything I just said?” Alyssa replied annoyed. Vanessa was about to say something but I interrupted her before she could.

“Guy’s, I-” I was interrupted by the sound of my pone blasting out MJ's “You Are Not Alone” and my heart started beating fast upon realizing who it was; Chris.

“Let me at him.” Alyssa said with pure hatred, as she grabbed my phone. I rolled my eyes as I snatched the object from her and looked at the caller ID, yep…..it was him I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before answering it, “Hello?” I said as strong as I could.

“Aurora please just let me explain-” Chris started, but I quickly cut him off.

“No, I’m done with your explanations, your excuses, and your freaken lies. Chris I trusted you, I trusted you and you took advantage of me.” I spat out harshly as I got up off the bed and went on the balcony that was connected to my room, closing the doors. “I fucking love you Chris and you have the audacity to go and fucking cheat on me with that-” He cut me off.

“You love me?! Really, Aurora if your not gonna be honest with me than at least be honest with your damn self!” He yelled with just as much anger in his voice, as I had in mine.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“I wish for once in your life you would stop playing the damn victim! You had a tough childhood, so what! A lot of people have! But you know what?! They move on! But you…..you just keep on dwelling on the past! You put up this fake ass smile in front of the cameras but when you get home you go in that damn bathroom and you fucking cut yourself! You need help Aurora! You’ve got some SERIOUS mental problems and you need help. I’m not a fucking doctor!”

“I’ve never-” I started, my voice cracking.

Aurora!” With that, he hung up the phone in my face and I dropped to my knees and started sobbing uncontrollably.

“Would you just shut up and listen for once?! You say you love me but that's a shitty ass lie! How can you say you love someone when you don’t even love your damn self?! And you have the nerve the nerve to say your done with me?! Fuck that! I’m through with your stupid, retarded, crazy ass! Have a nice fucking life Aurora!” With that, he hung up the phone in my face and I dropped to my knees and started sobbing uncontrollably.