Even If It Kills Me
Not Everybody Gets a Second Chance
“Where are we going?” I asked Angelica. It felt like we had been walking for a long time.
She sighed.
“You’re going to be one of those, aren’t you?”
“One of those what?”
“One of those annoying people that make my job difficult.” I crossed my arms, ready to retort. “Here we are!” she announced, not giving me a chance. She snapped her fingers.
We were suddenly in front of an apartment building. My apartment building.
My jaw dropped in confusion.
“How did we-”
“What did I tell you about those annoying questions of yours?” she asked in exasperation. She pushed the door open and started climbing the stairs. I followed.
She stopped at my apartment unit’s door.
“Now…this isn’t going to be pretty…” she warned me, before pushing that door open, too.
The entrance to my apartment was a mess, as usual. We stepped around the clutter and I followed. The kitchen was worse, a mess of dirty plates in the sink and empty bottles.
“What happened to me?” I asked.
“The question is, what is going to happen.” We continued through my apartment.
She stopped in the doorway to the living room. My heart nearly stopped at what I saw.
“So I am dead?” I asked, trying to hide my fear. I swallowed nervously, waiting for her to confirm my fears.
My body, not my real one, but my other-world body was slumped half on the couch, half off, and it didn’t look like it was breathing. Its clothes were wrinkled and stained and its hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in a few days. Pathetic. Not a flattering way to die; surrounded by empty bottles and looking like crap.
“So, why’d you do it?” Angelica asked abruptly, turning to stare at me, eyes boring into mine. It caught me off guard.
“I don’t know,” I fibbed.
“Liar,” she said immediately. I didn’t reply for a few seconds.
“Look, everything was just piling up at once. I needed a break.”
Beth, Toni, and the guys had been keeping me under close surveillance as of late. I needed to get away from it all. Just for one night. I hated the feeling of being babysat.
They knew another relapse was on its way, but I insisted that I was okay, and they had agreed to leave me alone for the day on the premise that I be on time to practice later that night.
“Some break,” she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.
“So? What does it matter?” I asked.
“So you skipped band practice, so of course the guys were all worried.”
“Justin?” I jumped in surprise at Josh’s voice as he entered the apartment.
“Josh-” I began, as he appeared in the doorway. He ignored me and went straight to the body on the couch, mumbling a stream of swear words as he searched wildly for the phone. “Josh-” I tried again.
“He can’t hear you,” Angelica informed me in a bored tone.
“Figures,” I mumbled, watching as Josh felt for my pulse and waited for the ambulance.
I felt like I should do something, but Angelica was just standing there, watching, so I followed suit. The paramedics came to pick me up and Josh followed through the door.
“So I’m not dead?” I asked, after they left.
“It wasn’t your time to go, Justin. Not everybody gets a second chance.”
“But I do?”
“Yeah, you do.”
She sighed.
“You’re going to be one of those, aren’t you?”
“One of those what?”
“One of those annoying people that make my job difficult.” I crossed my arms, ready to retort. “Here we are!” she announced, not giving me a chance. She snapped her fingers.
We were suddenly in front of an apartment building. My apartment building.
My jaw dropped in confusion.
“How did we-”
“What did I tell you about those annoying questions of yours?” she asked in exasperation. She pushed the door open and started climbing the stairs. I followed.
She stopped at my apartment unit’s door.
“Now…this isn’t going to be pretty…” she warned me, before pushing that door open, too.
The entrance to my apartment was a mess, as usual. We stepped around the clutter and I followed. The kitchen was worse, a mess of dirty plates in the sink and empty bottles.
“What happened to me?” I asked.
“The question is, what is going to happen.” We continued through my apartment.
She stopped in the doorway to the living room. My heart nearly stopped at what I saw.
“So I am dead?” I asked, trying to hide my fear. I swallowed nervously, waiting for her to confirm my fears.
My body, not my real one, but my other-world body was slumped half on the couch, half off, and it didn’t look like it was breathing. Its clothes were wrinkled and stained and its hair looked like it hadn’t been washed in a few days. Pathetic. Not a flattering way to die; surrounded by empty bottles and looking like crap.
“So, why’d you do it?” Angelica asked abruptly, turning to stare at me, eyes boring into mine. It caught me off guard.
“I don’t know,” I fibbed.
“Liar,” she said immediately. I didn’t reply for a few seconds.
“Look, everything was just piling up at once. I needed a break.”
Beth, Toni, and the guys had been keeping me under close surveillance as of late. I needed to get away from it all. Just for one night. I hated the feeling of being babysat.
They knew another relapse was on its way, but I insisted that I was okay, and they had agreed to leave me alone for the day on the premise that I be on time to practice later that night.
“Some break,” she muttered under her breath, rolling her eyes.
“So? What does it matter?” I asked.
“So you skipped band practice, so of course the guys were all worried.”
“Justin?” I jumped in surprise at Josh’s voice as he entered the apartment.
“Josh-” I began, as he appeared in the doorway. He ignored me and went straight to the body on the couch, mumbling a stream of swear words as he searched wildly for the phone. “Josh-” I tried again.
“He can’t hear you,” Angelica informed me in a bored tone.
“Figures,” I mumbled, watching as Josh felt for my pulse and waited for the ambulance.
I felt like I should do something, but Angelica was just standing there, watching, so I followed suit. The paramedics came to pick me up and Josh followed through the door.
“So I’m not dead?” I asked, after they left.
“It wasn’t your time to go, Justin. Not everybody gets a second chance.”
“But I do?”
“Yeah, you do.”