A Thousand Oceans Wide

The camera crew was around the private plane again, filming the boys going about their little routine of combatting boredom on the long direct flight to New York. After the camera went off, Tom decided to talk to Bill again. He just felt like he needed someone to talk to about what to expect and Bill was always the first person he went to.

"Hey," Tom said to Bill while they were pausing watching an episode of Scrubs. Bill had just returned from the lavatory.

"Yes?" Bill raised his eyebrows before slipping past Tom to the window seat. He sat down, taking the bag of Skittles up in his hand before popping a handful in his mouth. His eyes returned to Tom, giving him the attention he wanted.

Tom bit his lip and smiled. "Thank you for everything," he started in a squeal-like voice and a huge cheesy grin as he leaned against his younger brother, enveloping him in a huge bear hug. His face was pressed against Bill's shoulder, not letting go.

Bill grinned and shriveled slightly into the hug, a bigger smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around Tom's fluffy clothing. His hands rubbed Tom's cap as he answered. "I told you I'd always be there for you."

"Like I will for you," Tom answered with a nod, cuddling with Bill some more.

"Oi, you're always so hardy around in front of the camera!" Bill teased, poking him. Tom was sensitive at the sides so he contracted at the contact between his waist and the finger.

"I'll kill the camera guy if he ever shoots me like this," Tom smirked before getting up after giving Bill a neck tickle. "Seriously."

Bill merely flinched at the tingle in his neck. "You're still keeping that oh-so-cool image?" Bill queried, eyebrows raised in question.

"I'm deciding to," Tom nodded. "I'll be a liar like I always was about every little thing. Nothing's going to change when I'm with the band."

Bill's eyes widened. "How come? And what about what Heidi would think of you?"

"No, no, no," Tom frowned, laughing. "I mean I would be like who I was, just that I won't actually... you know, take anyone in and stuff. I can't just change myself like that. People would suspect things."

"...and you don't want anyone to suspect anything?"

"I don't want anyone to know about them. I've thought about it. It's going to be really dangerous, don't you think?" Tom looked at Bill thoughtfully and the other returned the same gaze.

"True," Bill nodded and crossed his legs, leaning his cheek against Tom's shoulder. "All that shit about Kathrin... she's achieved whore status online ever since you guys split, do you know?"

"I heard," Tom gulped uneasily, nodding.

"Oh, and Svenja," Bill added helpfully. "Lurking is amazing. You find out so many things they say about you. Just one thing, though. And you know what it is that freaks me out."

Tom looked at his brother. "Please stop bringing them up. And what's that? You being gay?"

Bill rolled his eyes as he sat up straight. "No, and I never will be gay. I mean incest. And they call us 'Kaulitzcest' and 'twincest' and all that jazz-"

"Ew," Tom paused and covered his ears, wincing. "Stop it."

"These people must be only children," Bill shivered. "I love you but it's forever a certain kind of love and a certain kind of love only. I mean, how can they even fathom such a thing?"

"Touche," Tom nodded in agreement. "I'm all for girls."

"And I'm all for girls, too," Bill grinned, clapping his hands small. And then he dropped his act, sighing. "But I act too gay, don't I?"

Tom looked at Bill with raised eyebrows. "What the Hell are you talking about?"

Bill stared at Tom with a 'you know what I mean' look.

"You're being stupid for thinking that way," Tom answered firmly. "You are what you are, and you will stay this way as long as you're happy. And I'm happy if you're happy. And if those morons think you're gay, they have a freaking huge problem and I will stand up and punch their mouths if it's the last thing I do."

The younger twin melted, a lopsided smile on his face. "I like the way I dress," he said truthfully.

"I like the way you dress, too," Tom admitted. But with a twist, he continued. "And you've got millions of girls lusting over you so why are you so scared? It's just not what I would ever, ever wear. But you look good with it and it's all that matters. Like you always tell me, it's fashionable in Japan." The older smiled and sipped on his iced Coke.

"It is!" Bill laughed. "You don't have to wear what I wear, and me you, because we pretty much look the same. I've seen photoshopped pictures of people doing that to us if you want to see?"

Tom rolled his eyes. "No thanks," he chuckled before sighing. "I am off fan sites and online journals for now. People say so many things. Girls are so... bitchy. I don't want Heidi to get hurt." His gaze turned to Bill again, emotionally. "I really don't. I'd hurt someone for real if she's hurt, that's for sure."

Bill stifled a smile as he rubbed Tom's back assuringly. "No one's going to hurt her," he said. "Or Markus."

And when Markus was mentioned, Tom nodded. "No one's going to touch him either. I don't want to see their faces on the internet. At all," he said, turning to look at Bill.

"Fan girls with a hatred are vile, I know," Bill nodded. "Just look at the videos on YouTube. Jesus. But there's no way they're going to get to her unless they're stalkers. Whatever it is, I'll help you keep things under wraps."

Tom smiled and sighed. "Thanks," Tom said, smiling gratefully at Bill. He thought briefly about Heidi and his son, and soon he relaxed and finished Scrubs with Bill.



It was the morning after Tom left Magdeburg, and Markus woke up to watch Saturday morning cartoons. Heidi made him pancakes and she sat with him at the coffee table to watch the television while her parents went for a long morning walk.

Markus turned to Heidi during a short commercial break and stared at her for a while, wordlessly. Heidi raised her eyebrows at her son before smiling tightly. Then Markus turned to the phone, looked for a while before turning to the door.

Heidi couldn't help but grin at her son's randomness. "What are you looking for, baby?" She said as she rubbed Markus' hair which was seemingly getting longer by the minute.

Markus, who was standing up as his mother was seated on the floor beside him, stabbed his fork into a pile of three bite-sized pieces of cut up pancakes and looked at Heidi.

"Hmm?" Heidi questioned again. "What is it?" The young woman leaned in and rubbed her son's back as he ate the pieces in one mouthful, chewing away until Scooby Doo came back on. She let him chew it all up and decided to forget the question. He decided to ask if Tom was coming over, but he didn't.

Just then, her phone rang. And it was Tom, much to her delight. Markus had his eyes on his mother as she sat on the sofa and received the call. "Hey," she said with an instantaneous smile on her face.

There was a shuffling sound on Tom's end, but she managed to hear him as he spoke. "Good morning," Tom grinned into the phone.

Heidi laughed, and she watched as Markus' eyes gazed longingly at her. She beckoned him over with a finger and he climbed onto her lap, a fork in a hand. "How's the flight?"

"It's not as boring as I expected," Tom smiled on his end. New York was five hours earlier than Magdeburg, and it was in the wee hours of the morning when Tom called from his hotel. "I couldn't really sleep because I slept a lot. I didn't call because I figured you guys would be sleeping so here I am now."

"Oh," Heidi said. "What time is it there?"

"About five in the morning," Tom answered. "Is Markus having breakfast?"

"Yes," Heidi grinned as she looked at her son. "Pancakes with blueberries."

Tom sighed contentedly as he was lying in the darkness on his king-sized bed at the Grand Hyatt New York. Smiling to himself, he replied. "I can see him eating. On your lap and he'd be listening to you talk to me. Is he?"

Heidi was surprised. "Wow, Tom. He is!" She laughed. "I'll let you talk to him." Heidi turned to her son. "It's your father, Tom," she said gently. "Here." And she put Tom on speaker.

Markus perked up when he heard Tom's voice. "Hello," Markus said.

"Marki!" Tom said quite enthusiastically. Since he was alone in the room, it didn't matter if he made noises at five in the morning because no one could hear. "What are you doing?"

"Eating," the boy answered simply as he glanced at his beautiful mother looking down upon him with a soft smile, stroking his hair.

Tom grinned. "Are you watching TV now? Hmm, are you watching Scooby Doo chasing ghosts?"

"He is running away from a monster!" Markus gave a loud chuckle. Hearing his father's voice made him very happy. He didn't really care about watching anymore since he was talking to Tom.

The young father grinned to himself. "Mmm. So you take good care of your momma for me, okay? Make sure she doesn't be sad or anything. You didn't cry, did you? Don't cry. Be a good boy."

Markus shook his head. "No," he said. "Daddy, where are you?"

"I'm in America, little kid," Tom laughed. "Remember? I took the plane yesterday."

Markus, for one, had never been on a plane. He had merely seen one, but he didn't understand the 'going away' part that Tom was carrying out. He kept quiet, though. "Oh," he said before giving a small smile.

"I miss you and your mom, tell her that, okay?" Tom said. Heidi grinned. "I'll buy lots of stuff for you when I come and see you again, when I come home."

"Okay," Markus grinned. Heidi smiled. She leaned in to the boy's ear and whispered to her son to say 'I love you' to him. After a slight pause, Markus continued. "I love you."

Tom could feel a stinging sensation in his heart, a sort of ache that made him long to be home again where everything was normal upon hearing those three words spontaneously from his own son. "I... I love you, too, Markus," he said after regaining his composure, smiling to himself like a mad fool in the darkness. "A lot. I love you and Heidi. Your mom. I miss you, and teaching you how to play the guitar."

"Yes," Markus said without specific reference to any of Tom's sentences. He looked at Heidi before his attention got caught by the finale of the cartoon episode and he returned the phone to Heidi.

"Hey," Heidi said. Tom was quietly wiping tears away, tears that have unexpectedly engulfed his eyes as he spoke to his son.

Tom cleared his throat and regained his normal voice. "Um, hey," he said. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," she said. Tom sighed. "You sound tired. You should catch some sleep. I bet you're going to be really busy, right?"

"Yeah," Tom said. "I'll call you soon, I promise."

Heidi smiled. "Have a good rest," she said, smiling into the phone. "Jet lag must be bad."

"Will do," Tom said. "Have fun with our son." After a few goodbyes, the connection ended.

That afternoon, Heidi took Markus to the park and let him cycle his tricycle around and play the playground with some other kids. She recognized a few of the parents there and made small talk with them before deciding to take Markus away and bring him to her favorite ice cream store.

In the store, she ordered a banana split to share with her son; all white chocolate chip, wild strawberry and caramel fudge. Strangely, Markus seemed to favor the pink scoop, just like Tom did and Heidi recalled slightly.

"Do you know Tom likes strawberry, too?" Heidi told her son as he was on his knees, prodding the ice cream.

"Really?" Markus asked. Heidi nodded with a smile. Markus quietly smiled back and finished his dessert with his mother.

Soon, it was at night and after dinner, Markus was taking his weekly bathtub bath as Heidi stood by an observed her son, a towel in hand as she sat by the bath tub. She thought about how it would be like if Tom was here to give his own son a bath. To her, it would be something entirely picturesque and yet another dream scene come true.

One thing, though; Tom was a million miles away at that very moment. What caught her attention was Markus who suddenly stopped playing with the toys in the tub. Heidi looked at him and noticed that Markus was crying.

"Markus?" Heidi looked at him. "What happened? Soap in your eye?" She quickly rubbed his face with the towel as he came closer to her, his crying getting more serious. The boy's face turned slightly red as tears streamed down his face.

"I want Tom," Markus sobbed in between words. "Mami, I want Tom!" He exhaled sharply in short gasps as his mother frowned empathetically, pulling her naked and soapy child out of the water and into her loving embrace, strong and protective arms around him.

"Shh," Heidi said to him, kissing his flat, wet hair that clung to the sides of his face. She figured it must be because he was really used to being with Tom almost everyday and one day of not seeing him made a lot of difference, especially since he was now his father. And fathers were usually around, as Markus saw it. "It's okay, my baby. Shh. Don't cry."

Heidi's eyes reddened with every sob her child gave off. "Where did- did he go?" Markus asked. A naive young child of almost four was unable to comprehend his father being away so suddenly. He wouldn't be able to understand his job that needed him to travel. He always had Philipp who was even living in the same house as him but now it was all so different and he really, really missed Tom's presence. "Why didn't he- he come visit- us?"

The young mother hugged her child close, warming his up with her love and understanding. "He's working, and he will come back soon, okay?" She patted his shivering body, wrapping him up in his towel and quickly washing the rest of the suds off before carrying him into their bedroom.

Markus' sobs softened to occasional hiccups, but his eyes remained red. "Why is he working in America?" The boy asked, still frowning from the sadness that engulfed him.

"He works everywhere in the world," she said as she kissed his cheeks and toweled his hair gently. "When he calls again, you can talk to him again, okay? Don't cry. Tom said not to cry, remember? Your daddy doesn't want you to cry, so don't cry anymore, okay?" She gave him another kiss on his cheek and one on his nose.

Markus sniffled deep and heavily, nodding as he took the towel and rubbed his eyes with it. His cheeks paled, not being as red as before.

Somewhere during that same momet, in New York, Tom felt a little heartache again during an interview. As usual, people asked about his sex life and he wasn't too fond of it but he lied through his teeth saying he didn't count the number of girls he had actually slept with. "Right now, I would prefer something more serious," he said simply with a fake smirk. The guys looked at him with similar understanding looks.

Three weeks together definitely got the best of the little family trio when one of them was suddenly in a different place. And it was all too much for the young boy to understand.