Rest

You know, there are some days I don't even think about her. Those are my good days. I can convince myself that she never drifted into my life like a leaden breeze, sighing one captivating breath and completely dishevelling my life until I couldn't even decipher the ruins from the truth. She's like a dream; a beautiful illusion captured by the night air. When the morning creeps tentatively towards me, she melts from my eyelashes and I can focus on reality, what should be, what will be. Not what could have been if only fate had given me that one crucial chance.

***

It was two weeks later that I next saw her. It's the memory I try to recall when doubts start to fester about her. The pure memory. Free from tear-streaked reality and the blurred perceptions it latches onto you in your blinded state.

It was lunch break and I was following Billie Joe across the school grounds, trying to find a bench that wasn't cluttered with cheerleaders or jocks. "I swear they're fucking breeding." Billie Joe complained as he marched across the grass, taking in all the filled benches. I chuckled as he threw himself onto the ground in defeat, letting his bag slip from his shoulder as he did.

Sitting next to him, I let my eyes wander over the mobbed scene around me. The cheerleaders were hoarding the benches, pretending not to notice the desperate aspirers herding at their ankles, while the jocks tried to impress them by throwing a ball to each other and the misfits attempted to exist out of view.

Next to me, Billie Joe muttered a tirade at the cheerleaders before shrugging it off and pulling his lunch out of his bag. I leant back, still surveying the scene around me, revelling in the peace between classes. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and slowly released it. When I opened them again, I was drawn to one particular feature of the scenery through a deep, remote force.

She was propped against a tree, her knees drawn close to her chest and a notebook leant against them. She twisted a pen obliviously as her almond eyes foraged the clouds for the answer to whatever made her gnaw on her bottom lip. She was embalmed into her individual world, unaware of the thronged crowd pressed against the entrance to her thoughts.

I didn't even know that my breath had caught in my throat until Billie Joe nudged me with his foot. "What's wrong, man?" he asked, his face etched in confusion. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Nah," I replied breathlessly. "Not a ghost."

Billie Joe sat forward swiftly and settled me with an intrigued expression. "It's her, ain't it?" he asked, reading my pulsing thoughts.

Unable to withdraw my eyes from her or even murmur a sighed reply, I nodded feeling Billie Joe trace along my gaze to find her. As he did, I felt myself becoming scorched black with envy. I could feel him explore her with his eyes and clenched my fists at my side. Feeling my stunted nails create crevices in my skin, I pulled back to reality. What was I doing? Billie Joe was my best friend.

"Hot." Billie Joe approved, turning back to me. He steadied me with those emerald eyes that twinkled in the sunlight with mischief. "Go talk to her." he ordered.

"What?" I asked, my heart skidding to silence.

"Go. Talk. To. Her." Billie Joe repeated slowly, placing sarcastic emphasis on each word. "If you remember how to that is." he added with a grin.

I swung my eyes over one shoulder to study her. A peaceful smile paused on her lips as her eyes twinkled internally. She looked completely submerged in her thoughts. I couldn't disturb her. I doubted she would even notice if I did.
She must have felt my gaze hover over her as she gradually withdrew from her mind and slowly rolled her eyes over the scenery, blinking repeatedly as she did. It was as if she was exploring the scene for the first time, absorbing it all with a child-like innocence blanketing her with support.

Slowly her eyes found her distraction, settling on me with absent recognition. I waited, my breath caged in my throat, until that reminiscent glow ignited in her eyes. As it steadily began to flare, a vivacious smile dawned on her face. I trembled into my own gradual reflection of hers as Billie Joe watched our speechless exchange with an intensified grin. He leant towards me, slipping a suggestion into my ear as he whispered, "Go talk to her."

I inched my gaze from her to inspect Billie Joe. He withdrew from my ear and examined me with eyes alight with encouragement. Simply nudging my shoulder, he turned his interest back to his lunch; a subtle promise that he wouldn't intrude on the conversation.

When I diverted my eyes back to her, she had already redirected hers to another spot in the school. Somehow, somewhere, I found the strength to launch myself from my seat. Slightly sensing Billie Joe's gaze tingle in appreciation at my back, I attempted to casually walk towards her, feeling that my heart was going to shatter my ribcage if it kept hammering against it as hard as it was.

Thankfully, she only noticed my approaching at the last second. If she would have flashed me with those eyes before I had reached her, I probably wouldn't have made it to her. My path would have found a diverted destination to some empty classroom. Once again, fate sided with me, keeping her eyes downcast until my shadow created a furrow across her notebook. Flicking a protective arm over it, she jerked her eyes upward to greet me, inflamed with fear. As she scanned me over, the fear was swallowed and a subtle smile rested peacefully in her eyes. Her expression morphed and she remove her hand from across her legs, transporting her notepad to her side as she did.

"Hey." she greeted.

"Hey." I echoed with faltering confidence.

"How you doing?" she asked, transfixing me to the spot with her eyes.

"Er... good." I replied, shuffling my feet a little to ease the uncomfortable sensation building momentum in my stomach. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm good." she answered, wrapping her arms around her knees.

Trying to think of something intelligent to say, I let my mind drift back to our last meeting and my eyes flashed with realisation. "You settling in now?" I asked, leaning against the tree and hoping that it didn't look too cliché.

Her smile broadened at the question. "I think so." she replied. Laughing slightly, she added, "At least I hope so. I'm not getting as lost as I used to." Looking through her eyelashes, she overwhelmed me with a tender smile.

Gaping at the floor and helplessly scrounging for something to say, I shuffled my feet again, slipping against the tree and sending a collection of bark confetti to the grass. I watched them blend into it, focussing on something other than her expression that was fixed on me with determined amusement. There was a slight scraping against the bark before I heard her saying gently, "Do you want to sit down before you knock this thing over?"

My eyes snapped down to the space that she had made for me with a weak smile gathering strength on my face. Easing myself next to her, I tried not to touch her in fear of realising that this was just a disconsolate dream.

As I adjusted to this change, she pulled the folder away from my extended legs. My gaze fluttered over the name etched on the side and I turned to her in intrigue. "Hali?" I asked.

Tracing a finger along the spine of her folder, she smiled. "Yeah. That's me," she replied with a light laugh. "Hali Nathalia Kaveri."

"Nice." I complimented as she turned away to place her folder next to her notepad.

"Confusing more like." Hali corrected, letting a laugh fall from her lips. Settling herself into a more comfortable position against the tree, she turned back to me. "Hali is a Hawaiian name. Means 'sea' apparently." She shrugged dismissively before continuing. "Nathalia is Portuguese, Kaveri is African... "

"And you're Welsh." I finished with a laugh.

Hali's laugh entwined with mine as she nodded. "Exactly," she giggled. "Talk of an identity crisis." Smothering her laugh with a smile, she twisted her body to face me completely. As she did, her knee grazed my thigh and an electric flash shot through my leg. "What about you?" she added. "Your name... Dirnt, wasn't it?"

"Er... yeah." I answered, surprised that she remembered such an insignificant detail after so long.

Hali grinned. "That's unusual."

Lowering my head slightly, I mumbled, "It's not my real name."

Tilting her head, Hali scrutinized me with an expression carved half out of confusion and half of intrigue. "What is then?" she questioned.

"Pritchard." I answered half-heartedly.

"Then why do you call yourself Dirnt?"

"It's a nickname, I guess." I answered, trying to figure it out for myself. Shrugging, I slowly trailed my eyes up to Hali's.

"How'd you get it?" she continued to question, her eyes ignited with intrigue. She shuffled closer towards me like I was about to impart with a shrouded secret.

I shifted slightly trying not to focus on the fact that he leg was pressed up against mine. "I... er... got it because I play the bass. I'm not allowed to bring it to school so, you know, I just sit there imitating it to practise. Kind of sounds like 'dirnt'." I explained.

Leaning back slightly, Hali's eyes slipped over me with a invigorated look in her eye. "You play the bass?"

"Er... yeah." I replied, unsure whether she approved or not.

"Cool!" Hali exclaimed, her eyes becoming vibrant. "You in a band?" she quizzed, leaning forward again.

I nodded, stealing a moment to scan her. The last time that I captured a moment with Hali thee was an overcast shadow besieging me. Yet there was nothing of it this time around. In the cobwebbed recluses of my mind, I began to contemplate whether I had just imagined it in a fit of paranoia.

Unaware of my thoughts, Hali pressed on with her interrogation. "What you called?"

"Er... Green Day." I answered, my eyes subconsciously drawing themselves over to Billie Joe. Keeping to his word, he had remained fastened to his place, immersed in the lyrics he was etching with intense passion. I smiled to myself knowing I'd discover their magnitude later that night.

"Green Day." Hali repeated with a secretive grin. Nodding, she added, "Cool. You any good?"

I turned back to Hali, tracing my gaze over her again. Resting it on her face, I said, "You should find out for yourself." Used to saying that to sceptical fans, I let the words escape before I could suppress them. Panicking, I became overly-fascinated in my sneakers as I waited for her reply.

"I will." I heard her state confidently as my gaze flicked up to her in amazement. Hali was watching me with a playful expression. She rested her chin o her knees and gazed steadily at me. "When you placing next?"

My mind bolted almost as fast as my heart, I found myself hoping this wasn't a joke. Or worse, a dream. "Friday. At the Gilman." I answered quickly.

"I'll be there." Hali told me simply as the bell hacked through our conversation. She turned her gaze to the school as if she was amazed to discover it there. A s she blinked, she erased the surprise from her expression and settled into a laugh. Pushing herself up, she turned to me fixing me one last time with those almond eyes. "It was nice talking to you again, Mike." she said, sincerity claiming dominance in her eyes.

"You too." I replied, steadily stretching myself into a smile.

Hali birthed a sliver of a smile in return before picking up her folder and notepad and walking across the grass. I watched her disappear for the third time as I pressed myself against the tree, the jagged bark reassuring me that it wasn't a dream. She had really been there with me. She had really talked to me. She was coming to a show. I grinned despite my feverish nerves.

"Looks like Mikey's scored." Billie Joe said from beside me. I looked up to see him reclining against the tree, his eyes cemented to where Hali had vanished. When he dropped them to meet mine, he grinned. "Come on, lover boy. Let's get going before Grotbags gives us another detention."

I mindlessly heaved myself from my haven and followed Billie Joe through the corridors as he exposed his thoughts to me while he walked. Not feeling remotely guilty, I realised I wasn't listening to him. My mind, my thoughts, were with Hali. They still are. They've never left her side ever since that day even though I was forced to.