Even If I Say

I stared at Ara as she sat across from me explaining what had happened with Harry, Cho, and Draco. I wanted to roll my eyes.

I honestly can't believe she'd come to me with this, she hasn't talked to me since September and now she wants my help? Its three days from Christmas. Our final shopping would be done tomorrow in Hogsmeade but I hadn't thought to include, I figured she would burn whatever was I gave her.

I listened calmly and said nothing. When she finished I stood and left the Library going to Draco.

Draco had put Cho under a body bind curse and was standing waiting, either for it to come off or for someone to show up and take her.

He looked over at me as he heard me approach.

"What are you doing Ravie? Shouldn't you be with Ara?"

I just stared off into space. I didn't have an answer. I didn't know where I should be or what I should be doing. I didn't know if I belonged here at Hogwarts. I didn't know if I was supposed to be a Slytherin. I didn't know if I should be with my sister.

I stood next to Draco silently thinking.

"Sweetheart what's wrong?"

I blinked and felt the moisture on my face. I hadn't realized I was crying. I didn't even know why.

Ara came running around a corner and skidded to a stop.

"What the hell Ravin?!" She was pissed at me, honestly I didn't know if I cared or if I deserved it or if I cared if I deserved it.

I continued to space out not listening to her. Why should I listen? Why should I care to listen? She hasn't talked to me in months and now she wants my help? She's my sister, she should talk to me anyway.

"What is your problem!?" She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, hard.

I smacked her hands off of me. "Don't touch me you blood traitor."

Draco gave me an incredulous stare.

I didn't pay anymore attention to Ara, rather I walked away heading towards the dungeons. Ara started yelling at Draco and he yelled back. Snape walked past me.

"Miss Ravencroft," he said acknowledging me.

"Professor." I replied, returning the gesture.

"Is something bothering you Ravin?"

"Oh, slightly Professor, but its nothing a Hogwarts Professor can fix, no offense sir."

"That's quite all right Ravin. There's no reason to feel ashamed of what you're feeling."

I nodded slightly dazed, "That's the problem Professor, I don't know what I'm feeling." I walked away slowly.

Professor Umbridge stopped me next.

"Miss Ravencroft, I'm concerned about your grades."

"What of them Professor Umbridge?" I asked. "I'm sure they're fairly good."

"Well that's just the thing dear, come sit, have a drink with me, I'd like to discuss why they're so perfect."

My face blank I accepted the offer and followed her.

"Coffee? Pumpkin juice? Orange? Tea?"

"Coffee please Ma'am."

"Cream and sugar?" her voice was too sugary but I didn't notice it.

"Please."

I stared around her atrocity of an office. There was so much pink.

She handed me a cup and took a sip from her own.

I sniffed mine slighlty, loving the scent of coffee, and noticed something was wrong, but what did it matter? I'll take the serum.

I sipped gently.

"Now then dear, what can you tell me about Harry Potter?"

"He's the ass that's dating my sister, sworn enemy of the Dark Lord."

"You-Know-Who? But my dear, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has been long gone for many years, certainly you know that."

"Of course I know, but, Potter is a beacon of hate for his supporters and followers, and there are those of us that think Potter's fame is injust, that he has no right to it. He's done nothing great, he is merely a fifteen year old boy."

"But you yourself are fifteen are you not?"

I wanted to roll my eyes. "Of course I am."

"Then why hold a grudge against Mr. Potter?"

"My sister and I are purebloods Professor, society expects much from us. She's gone and ruined our good name by dating that overrated 'hero'. Ravencroft is a name that will never be respected in our community again because of him."

"I see, you may go Miss Ravencroft, thank you for your time."

"Of course Professor."

I finished my walk back to the Common Room and walked into the girl's dorm. I laid myself on the bed and cried, lost, hopeless, confused, alone and miserable.