Pray for Plagues

My eyelids were forced open from the horrid glare of the sun. I blinked a few times in a deep haze before using the back of my hand to rid my eyes of any crusty substances. I found that I was alone, yet again, on Cayce’s sofa. I grunted once in disgust when I noticed an empty syringe on the coffee table, just feet away from me. But Cayce was no where to be found, and as I looked at the clock, I realized it was too early for him to be at work.

“Are you home, Cayce?” I started, surprised that the volume of my voice couldn’t reach an audible level. My nose began to run and I snorted quickly as I stumbled to my feet. “Cayce?” Still no reply. I made my way to his room, where we had lay the night before. I found it strange that the door was shut.

My body collapsed against the wood, shoulder first. I released my breath and sighed in relief that I no longer had to support my own weight. Slowly, I reached my hand up and knocked on his door with a single knuckle. I leaned my head back into where the door met the wall.

“One second, Caidin,” he called in a sour tone. I chuckled when I heard him shuffling things around in his room. He was hiding his drugs like he always did when I came around. I prepared myself to stand erect, knowing that my support was bound to move. I shimmied to the wall, leaning against that instead. The door swung open eagerly and Cayce peeked out, his normally tan face turned pale. His tired eyes met mine, saying all that needed to be said. “What?”

“Can you please get rid of your drugs?” I asked as kindly as possible, though how I spoke always found a way to offend him. He scowled.

“Caidin, I allowed you to live with me, I’m not losing the drugs,” he concluded, opening the door wider, granting me entrance. I crossed my arms and puckered my lips, standing my ground. “Alright,” he sighed. “I kept them hidden for a while, I didn’t make them obvious. Isn’t that enough?”

“I just don’t want to do them anymore,” I breathed softly, staring at a single stain in the rug outside his door. “I don’t want to be tempted.”

“You did them for the first time yesterday!” he laughed, finally stepping out of his room and shutting the door behind him. The bright light vanished, leaving the two of us in the shaded hallway. “You won’t get hooked. You won’t end up like me, alright?” I nodded unsurely. “Just don’t worry about it. I won’t give you more.”

“Thanks, Cayce,” I said, uncrossing my arms as I turned my back to him. I made my way back towards the living room.

“Hey,” he called after me. “Where are you going?”

I continued to walk, not bothering to look back at him. “Where is there for me to go, Cayce? Honestly…”

“Cheer up, alright?” he said abruptly before I heard his door slam shut. I stopped in front of the glass separating me from his porch, taking in the sight of dozens of overused cars and dumpsters crowding the parking lot. A stream of air passed through my lips as my eyes fell.

How could I possibly cheer up? My longest, most intimate relationship of my life had just ended. And now I was forced to live with the person who had hurt me the most.

The sun continued to be forgiving and followed me into the kitchen, trying it’s hardest to blind me. I shielded my face with my hand and opened the refrigerator, shivering as the chilly breeze from inside hit my bare arms. I felt my hair stand on end and sighed, beginning to scan the shelves for anything that looked appetizing. I heard a commotion in the hallway but decided not to react to it.

“Caidin!” Cayce called, just loud enough so I could recognize my name. “I’m going to head off to work early today.”

“Alright,” I said dryly, using my bony fingers to move my unwashed hair behind my ear. I felt my lobe and scoffed in disgust, feeling the pain of a slightly infected piercing. Cayce had done it for me. He peeked his head around the corner, seeming a bit healthier than he had earlier. He raised his thin eyebrows in curiosity. “What?” I questioned, shutting the door to the fridge without taking anything out of it.

“Well, do you want to come with?” he asked kindly.

“To the factory? And do what?”

“Well I don’t know,” he began, finally moving his whole body around the corner to face me. “We could stop and get some food, and then you can hang out in the office, watch some TV?”

“Really?” I asked in disbelief. “Well why would you want me to go now?”

“Because the last time you went was three months ago in July, and I remember enjoying your company,” she smirked. His smile had always made me melt. I turned away from him, blocking out his glow and rubbed at my eyes. “Come on. What better do you have to do in this dirty room of an apartment?”

I paused and nibbled on the end of my thumbnail. I felt his smile disperse and allowed myself to look up again. “Do I have time to shower?” I asked softly.

“Of course,” he nodded, stepping to the side so I could pass by. “Just please make it quick. I don’t want to be late when I planned on being early.”

“Alright,” I chuckled, unbuttoning my shirt as I glided past him. I jogged down the hall and took my first left into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I heard his soft voice singing a melody from the living room. I breathed in slowly, and exhaled, peering at myself in the mirror.

I was a mess today. I couldn’t even count the rings under my eyes if I tried, and my normally bright irises had dulled to an unknown shade. My fingers ran through my ruddy, dark hair and caught on the dozens of knots that had formed towards the end. I licked my barely chapped lips. Everything about me made me seem so much older than twenty two.

“Come on, Caidin,” Cayce said as he knocked on the door lightly. “The water isn’t even on yet.”

“Sorry,” I apologized, turning to the shower. I turned it on as hot as it could go, and then added just a little bit of cold water. I resumed the unbuttoning of my shirt and tossed it carelessly to the tile. I slid my shorts down my slender legs and hurried into the shower to escape the cold.

I gasped in surprise from the heat. I always made my showers so hot that it would turn my skin red, and hurt after only moments. I felt each individual droplet pound against my face and run down my curved cheeks. A smile crept upon my face as I reached for the shampoo, squeezing a glob into my hand. I swiftly ran it through my hair and scrubbed vigorously for a few moments before letting the pressure of the water rinse it out. I immediately turned the water off and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my frail body.

“That was fast,” Cayce laughed loudly, opening the door.

“Thanks,” I said emotionlessly, not even acknowledging the fact that he had entered the room. I dabbed my face dry with a separate towel before wrapping my hair in it. “Are you still going to be on time?”

“Eh,” he shrugged, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his black slacks. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

I began to apply my light blue eye shadow and eyeliner, being very precise with the thickness of the lines. I leaned forward to force the towel off and shook my head a few times. I never brushed or messed with my hair. It just hung by itself most of the time. I pushed it up and teased it a bit before walking past Cayce into his room.

“Wait, Caidin,” he called, clutching my bicep to stop me. I turned around to gaze into his shamed eyes. “Let me go first.”

“….alright,” I said quietly, waiting for him to retract his grasp on me. He didn’t until he was in front of me. He kicked the door behind him in an attempt to shut it, but it stayed cracked just a bit. I peeked through and watched him bend over, pushing a bag off his bed onto the ground. He pawed it underneath his dresses and sighed. I hurried to back away from the door as it opened. “Now can I?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, scratching at the back of his neck uncomfortably. Without scanning the room at all, I made my way to my dresser and pulled out a pair of black shorts, my underwear, and a simple blue sweater. I made my trip as quick as possible and raced out of the room. I hated the ambiance it gave off. It reeked of deceit, aged sex, and smoke. Cayce had disappeared into the living room, so I decided to get dressed in the middle of the hallway. “Alright, get your shoes on. I’m off.”

I frowned and stumbled into the front door, sliding my bare feet into my ratty slip ons. Cayce walked by me without even a friendly glance. I bit my lip and followed him out. We walked down the stairs in silence, him four paces before me. It wasn’t until we entered the refreshing morning air that I began to speak.

“Are you okay?” I asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I heard the jangling of keys as he searched his pockets. He pulled them out by an orange clip and twirled them once around his finger. His head still stayed low.

“Are you sure?” I asked in reassurance.

“I’m just bummed, that’s all.” We stopped at his White Toyota Camry. I waited patiently for him to unlock it, crossing my arms as an unexpected breeze passed by. We entered simultaneously. I wrinkled my nose in disgust as the smell of vomit invaded my nostrils.

“What the hell?” I grimaced, covering my mouth and nose. I felt tears prick the edge of my eyes.

“It was from last weekend, don’t worry about it,” he said, letting a slight smile pass by his lips. He stuck the keys into the ignition and turned the car on, staring straight forward in a zombie-like state.

“What went on?” I asked suspiciously. He shook his head and sighed.

“Don’t even worry about it, Caidin.” I felt a pang of jealousy rise up inside of me. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Alright, Cayce,” I growled, leaning back into the headrest. My eyes averted to the clear sky, watching the sun dance until I felt my cornea’s burning. By the time I forced myself to look away, we still hadn’t moved. “Aren’t we going to leave?”

He put the car into reverse and revved the engine, pulling out of the seemingly pathetic looking parking lot. He shut his eyes for a moment as he accelerated, causing my heart to stop. I gripped onto the arm rests, digging my nails into the end. “Pay attention!” I shouted angrily as he opened his eyes.

“Sorry,” he muttered under his breath, applying slight pressure to the brakes. I allowed myself to exhale as my grip on the rest loosened. I shut my eyes and felt a few beads of sweat drip down the side of my face. Cayce sneezed. I tried my hardest for fall asleep.