The Art of Drowning
I Don't Love You
I was the kind of kid you'd expect to commit suicide at 13. Well, I wasn't.
"Jade! A friend's here!" my mom called from downstairs and I ran down the steps, almost falling down.
"Davey?" I asked and my mom went back to washing dishes. Davey was upset.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked and I nodded.
He sat on my bed and I paced back and forth. He was looking down the whole time at his feet, singing to himself. He was pretty good. You couldn't lie.
"So, tell me what's wrong," I demanded and Davey looked up.
"Promise you won't tell?" he asked and I nodded. I sat on the bed beside him and he took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to talk but closed it almost immediately.
"You know what? Just forget it..." Davey said and left my room. And then the house.
I sighed and lied down, spread across my bed. I blew my hair out of my eyes and stared at the ceiling.
What did he want to tell me?
It was so confusing and I didn't think much more of it so I could get some rest.
If rest meant, "my mom and dad fighting downstairs".
"OUT OF MY HOUSE! RIGHT NOW!" my dad shouted and I buried my head in my pillow.
"If I leave, Jade is coming with me!" my mom argued back.
"FINE! I never wanted him!"
I heard every word. Every one. And tears came to my eyes by all the things my dad had said and my mom's crying. I didn't want to hear any more of it.
My pillow was soaking wet and I ignored the fact that my dad had always said, "Boys don't cry" and that I even doodled it on my notebooks at school. I felt as if my eyes would bleed, and somehow I wish I would. Bleed to death.
My dad never loved me.
There was a bathroom attached to my room and I cried into the sink. I wiped away some tears and listened to the fighting below.
"You don't mean that..." my mom said and my dad didn't reply.
"I do. I don't love him. Or you. I'm leaving."
"Jade! A friend's here!" my mom called from downstairs and I ran down the steps, almost falling down.
"Davey?" I asked and my mom went back to washing dishes. Davey was upset.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked and I nodded.
He sat on my bed and I paced back and forth. He was looking down the whole time at his feet, singing to himself. He was pretty good. You couldn't lie.
"So, tell me what's wrong," I demanded and Davey looked up.
"Promise you won't tell?" he asked and I nodded. I sat on the bed beside him and he took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to talk but closed it almost immediately.
"You know what? Just forget it..." Davey said and left my room. And then the house.
I sighed and lied down, spread across my bed. I blew my hair out of my eyes and stared at the ceiling.
What did he want to tell me?
It was so confusing and I didn't think much more of it so I could get some rest.
If rest meant, "my mom and dad fighting downstairs".
"OUT OF MY HOUSE! RIGHT NOW!" my dad shouted and I buried my head in my pillow.
"If I leave, Jade is coming with me!" my mom argued back.
"FINE! I never wanted him!"
I heard every word. Every one. And tears came to my eyes by all the things my dad had said and my mom's crying. I didn't want to hear any more of it.
My pillow was soaking wet and I ignored the fact that my dad had always said, "Boys don't cry" and that I even doodled it on my notebooks at school. I felt as if my eyes would bleed, and somehow I wish I would. Bleed to death.
My dad never loved me.
There was a bathroom attached to my room and I cried into the sink. I wiped away some tears and listened to the fighting below.
"You don't mean that..." my mom said and my dad didn't reply.
"I do. I don't love him. Or you. I'm leaving."