Vanilla Lace

Bill's eyes flickered open and took in the bright rays that shone on his pale face. Wondering who it was that left the curtains open, he sat up and sighed, pulling it back and blocking his view from the outside world. It was only then that he realized he did not want to fall back asleep again so he left his bunk, slipping into his black sandals. He staggered to the tiny bathroom in the corner of the tour bus and knocked at it.

“Just give me a minute, will you?” Retorted someone from behind the door. It sounded a lot like Gustav and Bill was sure it was him. He glanced around and saw that Tom was still in his bunk and Georg, who was half-naked, was rolling around in his own, right above Tom's.

Bill snorted to himself and turned to the pantry where the band's manager was. David was sitting and reading from the German newspaper while his free hand was dipping constantly into the 7-Eleven bag, pulling out cheese-flavored potato chips. “Morning,” David said without looking at Bill.

“Morning,” Bill answered. The bus trembled suddenly when it rolled over some hilly road, making Bill almost fall over. Then he heard a loud thud. Upon turning around, he saw Tom on the floor, entangled in his own mess of bedsheets and wires from all his technological gadgets. “Dork,” he mumbled to himself.

It was a rather quick ride to the closest gas station and Bill got off to find himself something tasty to eat besides cereal or bread. He helped himself to a few kinds of ice cream cones and ran back to the bus quickly to put it in the freezer. Tom was amused by his little brother's antics but went back to his own shopping nonetheless. They were due to play a sold out show at an enormous arena that night in Vienna so David advised them to eat more so that they would have good spurts of energy for the show. Bill took that advice very well indeed.

As the black-haired teenager was taking a break outside the station with a cigarette in hand, he looked around and observed his surroundings. It seemed like ages since he had been in Austria, a fine country with its inhabitants speaking the same language as him. All he knew about Vienna was that it was the place where something happened sometime ago. He could not remember what exactly but he knew he had lost something that was so dear to him, possibly even someone. Bill kept his curious questions inside of him and sucked deeply on his cigarette before exhaling, making little rings of smoke. The air was cool for a late summer's day and it wasn't soon before long when the band went on the road again.

That night, Bill sat backstage in his own room. He had one all for his own simply because he had the most accessories and personnel involved. For one boy, he required a lot of maintenance and his friends and brother were used to it. Bill was alone, thinking about so many different things. It was his usual routine before any show like he had been doing since the European tour started in summer. His voluminous hair was already set up and all he needed was some time for himself. For a while, he stared into the mirror. Ever since he woke up in the morning, he felt a strange feeling inside him like something had awakened. A feeling of deja vu swept over him each time he did something alone. He felt like something was haunting him . . . or someone was watching him. He turned around but saw no one, just a few people passing by every now and then as he observed through the small window through the door.

Bill looked into his own eyes. He leaned in a and peered intensely for a long time and pulled back. “I look the same,” he told himself. Then he inspected his hands, arms, shoulders. “What am I doing?” He mumbled, slightly surprised by his unusual behavior. Suddenly, he could hear his heart beating. It sounded like a heart beating but he wasn't so sure. The sound started to race as his senses perked. Why was he feeling like that? He did not know. He could hear what he imagined to be his heart so loudly he though that it could be someone playing it aloud outside. Then again, it was a feeling of deja vu sweeping over him. The next moment, Tom entered the room with a soft knock.

“Bill?”

“Yes?”

“We're ready,” Tom said. He could see from Bill's face that something was troubling him.

Bill was shocked that the heart beating had stopped all of a sudden.

“Did you hear that?”

Tom frowned. “Hear what?”

Bill sighed and shook his head. “Never mind,” he said. He stood and went out of the room. Tom stared at his brother as he followed the younger twin's trail out to the actual backstage area.

As soon as the band went onstage, Bill belted out the heart-pumping songs that got the crowd jumping. He loved the energy and the contrast between the fans holding lighters and glow-sticks and phones against the dark backdrop. It made him smile to see so many people who loved their music. Momentarily, he was distracted by Tom suddenly making eye contact with him. When Durch Den Monsun ended, Tom quickly went over to Bill.

“Look at me when you play,” Tom requested. “Or just look at the girls in the first row. They deserve your attention the most.”

Bill was utterly surprised by Tom's instructions. “That doesn't sound like you,” he told his brother.

“Just do it,” Tom said, a drop of sweat rolling down the side of his face. Bill made no response and introduced the next song called Heilig. Tom was distracted making sure Bill did as he was told. Randomly, he would walk over to his brother and play in front of him so as to get his attention. Bill felt uncomfortable by it at some points when Tom was constantly trying to divert his attention to him and he finally realized why.

Bill's brown eyes widened dramatically when he saw a small figure atop the stadium's walls. It appeared to be a girl with long hair and he could just see a bit of her face and she was staring straight at him. The first thing that came to his mind was how she got up there.

“Keep singing!” Tom urged Bill when he realized he had noticed.

However, Bill was so disturbed by it that he actually missed a few words in the second verse. Eventually, he stopped playing. Georg and Gustav were extremely confused as Tom grabbed the neck of his guitar furiously.

“Why did you stop?” Tom asked.

“Didn't you see that?” Bill asked, storming towards Tom and the others. “I mean, look at it!” He pointed to where he had seen the figure and to his embarrassing disappointment, there was no one there. It was just the bright yellow moon and a few passing clouds. The sea of girls made no sound when Bill pointed and they looked at where he pointed to. Almost everyone thought he was crazy. “It was there!”

“What was there?” Tom frowned. “Bill, you're ruining a good show!”

Bill shook his head and started pacing around, trying to get someone who believed him. Then he stomped off the stage but the manager was reluctant to let him go.

“What is it? Let us know and we'll find it for you,” David said.

“I saw a girl!” Bill said. “She was up there, sitting on the edge all by herself. I saw her, I really did!”

The black-haired German man sighed. “Bill, do you need a break?”

“I'm not lying, David! I saw her!”

“It's a bird.”

“It is not a bird!”

“Are we still playing or what?” Gustav asked, slightly annoyed by this random occurrence. Bill looked up and saw the girl again. This time, he tried not to take his eyes off her as he alarmed the others.

“She's there again!” He shouted. Very quickly, the girl disappeared. Bill felt an immense wave of deja vu wash over him. He felt like he was back in time in the same place, staring at the same thing and reacting the same way. Give and take, but the whole thing was the same. Bill saw a girl on the roof of the stadium.

Once again, he heard his heart beating. He was sure it wasn't someone playing something like that somewhere; it had to be his own heart because no one else could hear it. Bill stared for a long while at the roof, waiting for the girl to reappear again but she did not. Then, he fell to his knees and tears flowed from his eyes like a broken river dam. He did not understand why he was crying but he felt a nostalgic pain in him being released all of a sudden like he had been keeping it in him for too long. There was something so disturbingly depressing that he believed he could not go on for the night. Something was wrong and he needed to make it right. Suddenly, a voice called out to him as everything and everyone around him went silent.

Bill...

Bill's eyes opened slightly as he looked up. He was thousands of girls staring back at him with confusion and when he turned, his band mates were just as befuddled. “Did you hear that?” He asked aloud to everyone onstage. “Did you hear that?!”

Tom frowned, knowing that this was inevitable. He knew that he should have opted not to play in Austria but it seemed that fate had found its way. “Do you remember?” He asked. He remembered clearly what the doctor Franz Bruckner had said. He will remember things with time if he's in someplace or with someone familiar.

“Remember what?” Bill cried helplessly.

Then another great wave of reminiscence crashed upon him. Long ago, he was here on this stage singing a song when he saw someone. He was slowly trying to recall her face. All he could picture was her mahogany hair and porcelain face. Her eyes, nose, lips... Bill slowly put the pieces together as memories from long ago came rushing back to him.

Can you remember me, Bill?

That haunting voice was back again and Bill looked around frantically.

“Last year, Bill,” Tom whispered. “Just almost a year ago. Do you remember?”

Bill stared into oblivion as pictures of churches, cemeteries, trains and buses came back to him. There was also blood, violence and a lot of moonlight. He could hardly see a memory lit by the rays of the sun. It killed him softly with each memory he recalled. At the same moment, David instructed for the band to do a total recall. The show was cancelled.

Bill sat alone in his changing room as he demanded. Why was he experiencing all these things? Was he actually in them with that girl who kept reappearing? Who was she and . . . why did he feel so strongly connected to her?

The teenager spread his hands on the makeup desk and stared into the mirror. Something about him looked wrong. His eyes used to be dark and brooding, his lips used to be paler, his . . . teeth used to be sharper. A whole new image was presented to him through the mirror and Bill's eyes widened when he saw himself like that. In the silence, there was a sudden sliding sound like someone had pushed something under the door to him. He turned and saw an envelope that almost disappeared under a nearby couch. Instinctively, he went and picked it up. It had his name on it in a plain and simple handwriting. Gently, he turned it over and saw that the letter had been opened and read. He took the letter out and read it:

---

Bill,
By the time this letter finds you, I may have been long gone. My people see me as a heretic and I am banned from returning. I have no home. It has been two months since the Central Cemetery and I have not seen you since. You may not remember anything since you passed out that night and all I heard was that you were recovering fast, shedding your outer skin and becoming normal again. I heard you lost your memory as well, which may be a good thing but I apologize for this letter I have to send and I hope it reaches your hands. I am very happy for you to be safe. I want you to know that Analiese is with me. I have made a decision to help her and to help you and for me to help the both of you be together. In all my years of existence, I have never seen a more powerful relationship than what the both of you have. Even in her death, I could tell that you wanted everything for her. I know what it is like to lose someone you love so dearly no matter how long you've loved her. I believed in the both of you and that is why I aided you from the very start. What I am doing can possibly bring you hope, or it can fail and my efforts would be futile. Whatever it is, I will be giving it my best so that I can bring her back to you. She loves you and I love her like my own, so this is my choice. I will be meeting with Franz Bruckner who currently helps me to preserve Analiese's body. He will be helping me. My heart, like all of my higher kind, can replace anyone's, human or vampire alike, and I am giving it to Analiese. In return, she could wake up again if she is strong enough but she will be like me, think like me, see what I see and know what I know. She won't be me, because after all, you control your own heart. She will remember things I used to remember but please take the pain away from her by filling her heart with new memories of your being together. I do not want her to feel the sorrow of my love for her mother. All I'm doing is giving her my heart in hopes of her coming back and then looking for you because I know she loves you and she left too early. All my blood, I will give to her. She will become a full vampire like, a strong one, and that is the least I can do to help, to bring her back to you again. I can't help you anymore. This is where it ends for me. I have done everything I can to help you and the rest is up to you. Stay safe and take care of Analiese for me. I send you all my hope.
Oliver

---

Bill held the letter firmly in his hands as the last line resounded in his head. His memories were restored with this letter. The images in his head made sense. He knew who Oliver was, what happened and what was happening. Without hesitation, he turned and opened the door only to find Tom staring at him with downcast eyes. His eyes immediately darkened.

“You never told me!” Bill shouted.

“I didn't want this to happen again, Bill,” Tom defended himself. “I can't afford it!”

“It's already one year! You kept this letter from me and you didn't tell me until now?”

“I knew that coming here was a bad idea, Bill. I'm sorry I'm not a good enough brother to protect you from all these. It's just my fault,” Tom said.

“I love her,” Bill said. “And how could you try make me forget her, not see her up there tonight? I can protect myself, Tom. And sometimes, people die protecting themselves and it's called sacrifice. All you need to do as my brother is respect my decisions and understand me. Do you?”

Tom was left dumbstruck. Bill gave him a long and hard stare before turning and running down the corridors and out into the cold that October night. He ignored everyone who called his name over the thousands of girls chanting it in the stadium. He did not stop running until he reached the point where he saw the one girl. He wanted to know if it was her, if she was looking for him like Oliver had stated. He even remembered Oliver all of a sudden. It seemed that two months of memory had been restored in him. He stopped suddenly, hands raised and showing the letter in one hand and the envelope in the other.

“I remember!” He cried victoriously. “I remember now, I do!”

Bill turned around and around, his dark eyes almost spilling his newfound pot of emotions. His hands lowered as he tired when he did not receive any response. There was no one where he was in the vast parking lot full of cars and suddenly, he felt very disappointed. Then he heard his heart beating again.

It isn't your heart, it's Oliver's...

Bill turned around and saw a girl standing on the other side of the parking lot. Her head of hair was a crown of flaming amber, darker and heavier than ever. He could not have been able to remember it if he had not sees it and he knew she was Analiese, the one he loved for the sacrifices she made.

“Ana...”

Bill picked up pace as he walked towards her. She did the same and in a moment, they found themselves in each other's arms. Bill lifted her up in the air with a tight hug, his lips pressed against hers. Their connection was reestablished instantaneously like as if it never faded. Their love was so strong that he could hear her voice in his head.

“I thought I would never see you again,” Bill mumbled in her ear through her locks of mahogany-colored hair. His fingers rubbed the tears from her face as he kissed her forehead once.

Analiese took a deep and shaky breath, whispering back into his as she held his neck and head close to her with eyes closed. “I'm here now.”

“Don't go, please,” Bill pleaded.

“Come,” Analiese said, pulling back and looking at Bill with an intense pair of sea green eyes. “Run away with me.”

Bill pressed his temple against hers and gave her a firm nod. “Tonight.”