Skin

“Come on Audrina,” Raphael says, effortlessly lifting my weak body from the backseat of my parents car. The hot California air immediately is cut off as he walks into the air conditioned hospital. I wanted to argue with Raph and get him to put me down but I couldn't’t make my voice heard. He walks over to the little waiting area and sets me down in the uncomfortable chair as our parents walk over and tell the receptionist who we were here for. “You alright?”

“Yeah, just tired,” I say. “And nervous…”

“Everything is going to be fine baby girl,” Daddy says, smiling at me softly, I try and return the smile but it turns into a wince.

“Your head again?” Mom asks, gently running the back of her hand over my forehead.

“Yeah,” I whisper out and close my eyes. After another twenty minutes or so I look over in the direction of the swinging doors. A nurse with Blond hair and brown eyes and a kind smile called my name. Slowly we all get up, Raphael’s arm around my waist, holding me up almost completely.

“Just come this way,” she says sweetly as we walk down a long corridor. My heart beating overly fast in a reaction to nerves. We finally reach the room and she pushes the door open and lets us all walk inside. Once inside, Raphael lifts me up and places me on the bed with the crinkly paper. I scoot myself back and lean against the bright white wall, looking around. There were diagrams all over the place with things like the inner ear and eye’s and stuff like that. Along with a clock and a plain white phone. The door knob slowly turns and in walks my doctor, he smiles at us all grimly.

“Morning,” he says, almost solemnly…or maybe my mind was just going a little nuts. He flicks on the light that they usually use to show the breaks in an x-ray and takes a few black and white x-ray print outs out of the manila folder that he had held in his hand. He then places them on the light and sighs. “So, I have the test results, and they aren’t good,” he sighs out. I clench my eyes closed…of course they weren’t good, nothing ever is.

“What is it?” Raphael says, sounding anxious.

“Well, you see…between the red cells and white, there really is something seriously wrong with Audrina, and according to the other tests we took, they all show us the exact same thing. I’m sorry but you have cancer Audrina,” he says looking at me directly in my eyes. I hear my mom gasp and my dad runs his hands over his face, Raphael’s eyes go wide and my eyes tear up. I could feel my world crashing down around me. My life…what was going to happen.

“What kind,” Daddy finally asks. His voice breaking.

“Unfortunately, she has two different types. The cancer originally formed in her stomach, but it has moved throughout her blood stream and now, she has a mass in her brain,” he motions towards the two different pictures on the screen. “This is her stomach,” he outlines what would be my stomach but there is a large lump that really looks like it shouldn’t be there. He then draws attention to it. “This is the cancer, it’s probably about the size of my fist…possibly even larger,” he then points at the other picture. “This is her brain one, and the bright white dot is the cancer there, it’s about as large as two or three of my fingers. That would be why she passed out and why she is suffering from all the headaches. But, you’re young enough that you can go through radiation and chemotherapy, Audrina. If you go through with the treatments, six chances out of ten it wont come back, and by God we’re going to try,” he states, a few tears slip from my eyes and I nod. “Really, I think we caught this in time, and the treatments are the strongest in history, everything will work out,” he says in a caring voice, placing his hand on my shoulder. I take a shuddering voice as more tears fall down my pale cheeks. I have never been more scared in my entire life!

“When do I start the treatment?” I ask, my voice shaking.

“As soon as you want to, I’ll make sure to get you in, we can’t push it to the back burner and put you on a waiting list. I mean I understand there are older people and people who have been waiting longer, but if we didn’t catch it now, it would be too long. If I had my way, you would start today, but I can’t do that, but it will be, very soon.”

“Okay,” I say, closing my eyes.

“Thank you,” My mom’s voice says, breaking. Pain filling it. “Thank you so much,” the doctor nods and then leaves the room. A few tears leak down Raphael’s cheeks as he sighs and picks me up, I grip the front of his shirt and close my eyes, drifting off into a deep sleep full of dreams.

I walk into the soft light of the gym where balloons and ribbons are everywhere, my baby blue dress fanning out around me as I walk towards the crowd. I smile as I see the love of my life waiting for me in the middle of everybody. I elegantly glide towards my stunning boyfriend, Matt. His short buzzed hair, he smiles his amazing smile, his dimples looking cuter then ever before. He holds out his large hand for mine and I hesitantly place mine into his. His smile widens as he closes his fingers around my small slender hand, pulling me closer to him.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers into my ear as he elegantly spins us around. I feel a heat creep into my cheeks and hide my face in his chest causing him to laugh lightly. I feel a soft wind as somebody opens a window to let in some air, he holds me closer still, spinning us around carelessly.

The feeling of relief flooding through my body, my heart beating in time with Matt’s he leans his face down and presses a kiss to my lips, causing us to stop spinning and every thing disappears around us, it was just the two of us.

“Morning babe,” my real Matt whispers, gently kissing my temple as my eyes slowly open. “How are you feeling?”

“Scared,” I whisper out.

“So am I, Raph told me everything…” he said, I look up and meet his bloodshot hazel eyes before holding out my hand and softly wiping away the tears. He leans his face into my cheeks. “I love you so much Audrina, so much.”

“I love you too Matt,” I say, smiling at him as my own tears leak from my eyes and onto the pillow my head was resting on. He leans in and kisses my lips softly, treating me like a fragile doll. We break apart and I cry harder. He lifts me up effortlessly, pulling my closely into his chest as his own tears fall from his eyes and land in my hair as he places loving kisses in my hair. I grip at his shirt, gripping it as tight as I possibly could. I push my face deeper into his chest, my tears leaving marks on his grey shirt. I bit my lip.

I have never before felt so scared, so out of control. I like to be able to control things, be able to know the outcome before it happens. I broke my wrist a few years before and I didn’t freak out because I knew it would heal and everything would be just fine, like always.

But cancer? What could I do?

Nothing that’s all I could do. Absolutely nothing! And the truth of that hit me like a ton of bricks! I felt hopelessly helpless. I could faintly hear Matt trying to calm me though his own tears.