Skin

After about a half hour of crying my eyes finally ran dry. I sniffed a few times and gently kissed Matt’s neck. I move back and gently run my thumbs across his cheeks, wiping away the proof of his pain. I lean up and press my lips softly to his.

“I love you Matthew Charles Sanders,” I whisper against his lips. He sighs and puts his forehead against my own.

“I love you too baby,” another tear slips from his eye and I gently wipe it away.

“Everything will be fine,” I whisper, I hear a sigh from the doorframe. We both look over and notice Raph standing there, pinching the bridge of his nose in stress. I get free from Matt’s arms and walk over to where he was standing and wrap my arms around his waist. Sighing again, Raph wraps his own arms around me and leans his head against the top of mine. “That goes for you too bro, everything will be okay,”

“I know,” he chuckles and stands up.

“So,” I say, swinging my arms slightly and rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet. “How are we going to tell everybody else?”

“Tell us what?” I hear the voice of Lou says from the top of the stairs. We look over and see the rest of the group.

“Well, we found out what’s wrong with me,” I say, biting the inside of my lip from stress.

“What’s wrong?” Zack asks, his green eyes sceptical.

“Are you pregnant! Did you knock her up Matt!” Brian asks, eyes going wide.

“No, I’m not pregnant, keep your panties on Brian. It’s something worse,” I close my eyes taking a breath. “I have cancer.”

“What!” Jimmy exclaims, eyes wide, Johnny stares at me, Zack closes his eyes, Brian’s shaking his head and Lou looks like somebody slapped her.

“I have cancer….in two different spots,” I whisper, looking at my feet. “It started in my stomach but has moved to my brain, I start treatment next week.”

“Oh Audrina!” Lou exclaims, I walk over to her and hug her as I feel a few tears land on my shoulder.

“It’s okay, everything will be fine, don’t worry about it,” I whisper, hugging her tighter.

“Jesus Christ,” Johnny finally says, shaking his head. “You’re serious aren’t you,”

“Serious as I have ever been in my life,” I say, looking him straight in the eyes.

“Fuck,” Zack says sighing heavily.

“Look guys, sulking isn’t going to get me any better so I say we go out and do something spontaneous before I snap, okay?”

“Agreed!” Raphael says, obviously trying to change the subject from my disease. Wow…I have a disease! I’m actually seriously ill and no amount of sleep is going to make it any better…that’s a hard pill to swallow let me tell you. Sighing I release my grip around Lou and step back as she wipes her tears away.

A few minutes later we all walk downstairs into the living room where my parents were sitting, my mom was on the phone and my dad was on his cell, his forehead in his head.

“Okay, so what are we covered for?” My mom says in a strained voice. “No she’ll need both, yes she is. Okay,” she sighs and closes her eyes, rubbing her temple.

“Alright, we’ll see what we can do and get back to you, thanks.” Dad flips his phone closed and sighs heavily.

“We’re going out okay?” I say, my voice just a little over a whisper. They nod and I slip on my flip flops and walk outside, Matt taking his hand in mine.

“So…”Raph says, nervously chewing on his lip.

“What are we going to do?” Jimmy asks, hoping down the sidewalk on one foot awkwardly.

“Mall?” I ask, an evil smirk on my face.

“Works for me, we haven’t been there in a while,” Johnny says, scratching his chin. We change our direction and start walking towards the mall. Half way there I close my eyes as a dizzy spell hits and squeeze Matt’s hand.

“Want me to carry you?” he asks quietly.

“Just dizzy, it’ll pass,” I whisper and bite my lip as my stomach does an uncomfortable flop. I swallow back a few times trying to keep everything down. Matt kisses my forehead soothingly.

“Come on babe, climb up,” he says, crouching down in front of me, I feel Raph’s hands on my sides as he gently lifts me up and puts me on Matt’s back, I wrap my arms around his neck and close my eyes. Matt stands up and walks towards the mall again.

I guess that trying to ignore this and down play all the signs are probably a bad thing….that and there obviously is no way that I was going to be able to hide this from everybody. They know me too well I guess…probably even better then I do sometimes.

We wander around the mall for a few pointless hours, not really doing anything too important just wandering around. I knew we were all trying to act normally but I always caught somebody looking at me, glancing out of the corner of their eye like they were expecting me to fall on the floor and start convulsing. I mean that could happen, but just to know that they were waiting for it…that was something else entirely!

I knew they were all acting a little off, and I felt as if I was a plague, they seemed to, maybe even unconsciously, treated me as if I was on my deathbed…I wasn’t dead yet so I should be fine. Or so they say. I felt awkward, but I wasn’t able to speak it out loud…hopefully it’ll get better…we’re in this for the long haul.