Give It a Chance for Our Love to Start

I had taken refuge in my room, laying on my bed as I reread my tattered copy of Pride & Prejudice. It wasn't that I was particularly fond of reading it at this very moment, but more that I needed someone to do as I tried to block the images and painful thoughts in my mind as I hid from both the congregation of mourners and Joe. But it was no use. The events of the last few days seemed years ago, overshadowed by the intensity of the events of the last few hours. My mind replayed images over and over again, causing me to wince at the previous hour.

Tinsley and I were sitting on the swing in her backyard. I had a hand smoothing out her hair to comfort her. We didn’t say much. Tinsley was like my sister. I loved her, and I was here for her. We didn't need words. Then she inclined her face towards me, her eyes filled with sorrow. She looked so vulnerable. This was not a Tinsley I was used to seeing. It threw me off a bit. "What do you do when the person that left was your whole world," she asked, her voice so low I could barely hear it. "How do you wake up every morning? How do you go about each day? How do you eat their favorite foods? How do you appreciate all the things this world has to offer when you know that they will never get to do any of that ever again?"

I sighed. "You go on with your life, Tins. You wake up. You eat. You appreciate life. You live. You go on. And you do it all for them. You smile because you know that wherever they are, it'll make them happy. You laugh because you know that it's music to their ears, and they'll hear you. You try to be happy and live on because that's what he would have wanted Tinsley. He would have wanted you to be happy. And he may be gone physically, but he will always, always be here, in all our hearts. He'll always watch over you."

She didn't say anything, just staring at the ground. I knew she was contemplating my words, and I knew she wouldn't believe them. She would think he left her just like her mom. "Hey guys," we heard someone say from the door. We both turned to see Joe coming towards us with a container in his hands. I moved over to make room for him next to Tinsley. I felt his arm gently touch mine as he looked into my eyes. I looked away quickly. He sighed, turning back to Tinsley. "My mom said you haven't been eating. So," he said, opening the container. "I brought you cookies."

She giggled. "My hero," she said, smiling slightly.

I couldn't take it. "Excuse me," I said quietly before getting up and leaving. I didn't pay attention to what they were doing. And I really didn't want to. I walked to my room, not looking back at them.

A knocking on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Nick standing at my doorway. "Can I come in," he asked quietly.

I shrugged. "Sure." He came in and sat on my bed. "What's up?"

"Nothing," he said. "Just thinking."

"About," I inquired.

He sighed. "You took off Joe's ring," he said quietly, looking at my hand.

I quickly pulled my sleeve over my hand, brushing my hair out of my face so that he couldn't see my hand. "It's not the right time," I said quietly.

He looked at me, his eyes beseeching. "I know you Bethany. I know what you're probably thinking."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Giving him up isn't going to do any good for anyone," he said sternly.

"Nick, I'm not—"

"Don't lie to me Beth," he begged. "I know you too well. And giving Joe to Tinsley isn't fair Bethany. It's not fair to anyone."

"But it's right," I said quietly. "She needs him."

"And he needs you," Nick said. "Do you really think he'll go to her just because you think it's the right thing? Haven't you heard Kevin's motto enough? You have to be dumb in love. So you can't do the right thing if it's the smart thing."

"That made no sense," I rolled his eyes.

"It did in my head," he blushed.

"Hey," we heard Joe say from the doorway. "Can we talk?"

I nodded. Nick got up. "And that would be my cue to exit. Later guys." He walked towards the door, stopping before leaving. He turned around, his eyes locked on mine. "Remember Bethany. Right is too smart." He turned and left.

Joe and I watched him go. Joe looked at me, confused. "What was he talking about?"

I shrugged. "Did you want to talk?"

He nodded, coming to sit on my bed. His eyes were on my face for a long time. I tried to subtly pull my sleeves even more over my hands. But he wasn't fooled. He took my hand, raising it and pulling the sleeve back. His eyes were locked on my ringless finger. "You took it off," he said. It wasn't a question.

I nodded timidly. "With Tinsley's dad and everything, I didn't think it was the right time."

"Well everyone but us is gone," he said, still holding onto my hands and playing with my fingers. "Come with me. Let's go tell them now."

I shook my head. "It's too late Joe. It's much too late."

"What," he asked, pain and confusion playing on his face. "Bethany, I love you. And you love me. It's not too late."

I just shook my head. "Tinsley needs you Joe. She lost everything. You're the one thing in her life, that I think is keeping her from falling apart completely. You can't leave her now."

"I don't want to leave you now," he said quietly, his eyes boring into mine.

I smiled slightly. "Sometimes the things we want don't go along with what we need."

"I need you," he said.

"And I you," I said quietly, putting my hands on his face. "But she needs you more."

"I don't want to hear your selfless crap Bethany," he said, his tone turning bitter. "You have to be selfish in love sometimes."

I winces slightly at his tone. "Is it so wrong then," I asked, not backing down as he probably intended me to with that statement. "That I want Tinsley's love to be selfish?"

"What about our love Beth," he said.

"Joe, for our love, for us, you have to," I said quietly. "Please Joe. You have to be with her. She needs you."

He watched me for a long time, his eyes boring into mine. He seemed to be looking through me, through every word. Then he leaned over and kissed me hard. His lips were pressed against mine as his hands trailed up my sides, my neck, my jaw, resting on my face. He pulled away, still holding my face in his hands. Slowly, he put his hand on my head. "I swear to you Bethany," he said, his eyes locked on mine. "I will be with Tinsley. I'll marry her." I felt a sob building in my chest. This was what I wanted to hear. Yet at the same time I wish he hadn't given in. "But I also swear that I will marry her only on the day that you get married to someone else too. That is my vow." He got off of me, getting off my bed, and walking out of my room.

And the sobbing started.